Does anyone else struggle being a parent to a young adult?

Shelldean

ok as Mum to
20yr DD 2nd yr Uni student
17yr twins DS Yr 12 students
14yr DS

This is how I deal with it.
My kids call me a cotton wool mum as I am also a control freak, the need to know everything is sometimes overwhelming. Not very good place to be sometimes.

So I tell my kids now that if I disapprove of their choices I WILL tell them so, and explain why i feel the way i do.
BUT I will always support their choices.
It's their bed they're making and they will be the ones laying in it NOT ME.

I struggled a lot when DD went off to Uni, and she was only a short car drive away and came home every wens to continue being a cub scout leader. But I backed off and I think our relationship is better for it. She still texts me and keeps me in the loop, even today I got the text to say she was on her way (she's cqoming homqe for cubs)

DD scared me a bit, as like OP DD she was adament she was going to uni since yr 7. She got to 6thform and dithered. I told her I still felt Uni was her best option, but if she chose to leave education and get a dead end job or even just stay at home and have tons of babies I'd not be happy but I'd support her choice. But I felt she was wasting herself. She went away thought about it and agreed (PHEW)


It is hard I want to control their lifes so much - simply to ensure they dont make the same errors I did ( OH BOY did I make some howlers)
But if I control it all they wont learn, so am backing off slowly but surely.



edited to add I quote the it's your bed theory so much they chant it at me now LOL

Mojisola

Shelldean wrote: »

DD scared me a bit, as like OP DD she was adament she was going to uni since yr 7. She got to 6thform and dithered.

I told her I still felt Uni was her best option, but if she chose to leave education and get a dead end job or even just stay at home and have tons of babies I'd not be happy but I'd support her choice. But I felt she was wasting herself. She went away thought about it and agreed (PHEW)

Are those the only three options?

Shelldean

Mojisola wrote: »

Are those the only three options?

LOL no not the only three options. Just best case and worse case endings really. I did explain fully that WHATEVER she chose to do, I'd support as best I could ( limited with helping financially)

thriftylass

My parents were control freaks when it came to pocket money (had to keep books), school bags (got searched) and household chores (needed to do at least three then homework then out to play. BUT when it came to my choice of uni course they let me do what I thought best surprisingly although they would have liked me doing sth else entirely. It was only after I got my PhD that my dad revealed they thought I was bonkers studying that. Now I really appreciate it.

I think with my son I hope to find a compromise somehow as the pocket money and chores tec were quite extreme but taught me well. Whereas now I wouldn't go down the uni route again necessarily.

Mojisola

Shelldean wrote: »

LOL no not the only three options. Just best case and worse case endings really. I did explain fully that WHATEVER she chose to do, I'd support as best I could ( limited with helping financially)

It made me laugh - reminded me of the school career's teacher telling me that "if I left school at the end of the fifth year and didn't go into sixth form, I'd be lucky if even Woolworths would offer me a job." :rotfl:

consultant31

lika_86 wrote: »

I know people who did Journalism at Sheffield and loved it. Sheffield's an awesome student city too. Good university too, if you're worried she'll spend all her time at home and not participate, send her to Sheffield, they've got loads going on and regularly win awards for the student union.

My son did journalism at Sheffield and loved it - after doing law for 3 years and hating it As someone else said, Sheffield is a brilliant city for young people and very central for motorways for the journey home!