Does anyone else struggle being a parent to a young adult?

Mojisola

Seanymph wrote: »

She wants to stay home, what is so wrong with that?

mintymoneysaver wrote: »

But she's also quite selfish, living in her own little bubble where everything revolves around her and where the world owes her a living. This causes a fair few arguments on its own.

Probably because a few years away might cure her of the princess syndrome.

If she stays at home, minty's going to have to lay down serious house rules.

lika_86

I know people who did Journalism at Sheffield and loved it. Sheffield's an awesome student city too. Good university too, if you're worried she'll spend all her time at home and not participate, send her to Sheffield, they've got loads going on and regularly win awards for the student union.

Person_one

Mojisola wrote: »

Probably because a few years away might cure her of the princess syndrome.

If she stays at home, minty's going to have to lay down serious house rules.

It could cure her or it could just result in conflicts and isolation.

Those tendencies would make sharing in halls or a student flat very difficult too though. Its not always easy to get on with strangers when you're thrown in together, it takes patience, effort and a relaxed attitude to differences of opinion!

Mojisola

Person_one wrote: »

It could cure her or it could just result in conflicts and isolation.

Those tendencies would make sharing in halls or a student flat very difficult too though. Its not always easy to get on with strangers when you're thrown in together, it takes patience, effort and a relaxed attitude to differences of opinion!

Well, she's got to learn to be part of a bigger society at some point!

floss2

At the end of the day, you have to let the reins go so they can find their own path.

Your daughter will make her own choices - your role is now to advise someone who's starting to be an adult, and not to get cross /huffy /upset /angry (delete where appropriate!) when she doesn't make the choice you want her to.

KxMx

Speaking as a 25 yo the ability to keep quiet when you would otherwise nag/advise/tell/pontificate will do wonders for your future relationship with your young adult children.

My Mothers constant questioning did one thing and that was drive me away and damage our relationship.

mountainofdebt

KxMx wrote: »

My Mothers constant questioning did one thing and that was drive me away and damage our relationship.

when you say questioning what sort do you mean?

when I've asked Junior questions about X, Y or Z its not to question his decisions its to reassure me that he's thought of the implications of X, Y or Z.

But that's another thing I've stopped doing....but does that give the impression I don't care?

Person_one

I'm only 28, so I can still remember the transition pretty clearly.

I remember saying to my mum "You did a good job of bringing me up, so now you have to trust me that I'll make the right decisions as an adult because of everything you did while I was a child and a teenager." I don't think it was quite so concise, but that was the gist.

Does thinking of it in that way help at all mountainofdebt?

mountainofdebt

Person_one wrote: »

I'm only 28, so I can still remember the transition pretty clearly.

I remember saying to my mum "You did a good job of bringing me up, so now you have to trust me that I'll make the right decisions as an adult because of everything you did while I was a child and a teenager." I don't think it was quite so concise, but that was the gist.

Does thinking of it in that way help at all mountainofdebt?

Sort of but I just wish, as I guess Minty does, that Junior would come to me and say that I've made a decision to do X and this is why I think doing X is a good idea.

Most of the time I get the impression he's decided to do X because its the easiest (which doesn't necessarily translate into best) option.

KxMx

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Sort of but I just wish, as I guess Minty does, that Junior would come to me and say that I've made a decision to do X and this is why I think doing X is a good idea.

Most of the time I get the impression he's decided to do X because its the easiest (which doesn't necessarily translate into best) option.

It is down to him to make his own choices though, and not have to justify them to anyone, since he is old enough and capable of deciding for himself.

Sometimes what a parent thinks is best for junior is not, in actual fact what is best for junior.