Engagement - a question for the girls and the guys

[Deleted User]

My wife haggled the price of the ring for me! Saved about £500 on the shop price in the end

lika_86

My OH finds any sort of jewellery (over and above costume jewellery) offensive. I doubt I'd be getting anything other than a Haribo ring.

I'm not fussed anyway (about marriage or a ring), it seems rather archaic that by buying me something sparkly for my finger that he puts a deposit down on me. I feel the same about asking permission though, I am my own person, not someone else's chattel until given to another man.

Faith177

My OH decided to ask me on a whim so he couldn't afford the ring at the time so I brought my original ring it was only £180 he paid me back a few months later. He then replaced it with my real ring for Valentines Day last year. He designed it himself and I love it and because it was made for me rather than being off the rack so to speak it is perfect for me.

It's a platinum 2 diamond & sapphire ring. The band goes above and below the stones. Think he paid cost price for it as his mate was the one who made it (he works in the jewlery quarter in Birmingham) he is also commissioned to make my wedding band and eventually probably my eterity ring.

We don't have joint savings as I don't believe in them so I didn't know he was saving up. However I knew he was going to get it because he told my mum who told me. She even sent me the picture of it when he received it.

TeamLowe

from anecdotal evidence i think it's unusual for couples to not discuss when they want to get engaged or at least, for the woman to be 'nagging about it' so if she saw money disappear for one big purchase she'd be hoping it was that!

in our case we did discuss when we wanted to get engaged as i didn't want to get engaged and not set a date. I really couldn't see the point of DH buying me an expensive ring that i would be too scared to wear or lose a stone or drop and stand on or put in a safe place and never find again- i am a bit of a clumsy ditz with an active imagination!

we gave joint finances which i'm in charge of and i told him the budget was £150 and he chose a beautiful amethyst, diamond and white gold loveliness


i had similar feelings about our wedding rings and he agreed, i also wanted them to be a matching pair as i think that's sweet, so i have a rather butch titanium band, i think they were 80 for the pair on eBay x

VestanPance

I lived with my ex before we got engaged and I paid for the ring myself. I wouldn't expect the woman to contribute towards her engagement ring. We had a system where we had out own free spend each month and I used that to save for the ring.

As for the ring itself. I think letting the woman choose is a better idea, as it's something she is expected to wear for the rest of her life. No matter how well you know your partner this is something you want her to love and cherish 100%. I proposed with a cheap token ring, so that we could go out together and let her pick something that she really loved.

rpc

Dunroamin wrote: »

I'm probably alone in this but it seems to me that, if you're living with someone and have a child together, getting engaged is pretty much redundant.

You need to read the "more than a piece of paper" thread.

Marriage creates a legal and financial partnership and bestows rights and responsibilities than cannot be acquired by any other instrument.


Back on topic, when we got engaged my wife and I went ring shopping together and paid for it from joint money. To me, she had to be involved in the choice of ring.

InsideInsurance

Teeniepops wrote: »

Girls - would you consider contributing towards your ring?
<snip>
Fellas - how would you feel if your OH offered to contribute to her engagement ring?

I'm old fashioned in that I think the guy should propose with the ring and therefore its his choice and without her contribution (or at least not conscentual if joint accounts).

The ring is supposed to be a symbol of love and not something to be "keeping up with the Jone's with". If you can only afford a £50 ring then thats fine, she'll have a £50 ring and should love it as much as if it is a £50,000 ring.

As to taste? TBH, if you know her well enough to say you want to spend the rest of your life with her you should know her well enough to select a ring that she will like (many not be the PERFECT one, but then in my experience with women the "perfect" one will change over time anyway)

How to save? If everythings going into joint accounts it can be difficult, thankfully in our case salaries didnt and I just claimed to have bought myself some "toys" to cover the shortfall

kitschkitty

rpc wrote: »

You need to read the "more than a piece of paper" thread.

Marriage creates a legal and financial partnership and bestows rights and responsibilities than cannot be acquired by any other instrument.

To be fair though marriage doesn't require an engagement (or what people call/understand to be an engagement). Some people will get married and won't even think to call the time between deciding and doing it an engagement. They won't buy a ring or have a party etc.

TeamLowe

kitschkitty wrote: »

To be fair though marriage doesn't require an engagement (or what people call/understand to be an engagement). Some people will get married and won't even think to call the time between deciding and doing it an engagement. They won't buy a ring or have a party etc.

I even know of a couple who got engaged after they'd booked their wedding!
He was at a nice place for a conference, told her about it, they visited for a look round and booked a good deal, then a few weeks later it was down on one knee with the ring x

Lunar_Eclipse

Teeniepops wrote: »

Girls - would you consider contributing towards your ring?

I realise that an engagement ring is a gift and a token of his love. But if you and your OH had an equal, balanced relationship and shared finances, him saving separately would be noticed elsewhere anyway (I hope that makes sense).

We lived together before getting engaged, with completely shared finances.

I would not want to have been physically asked to contribute towards my engagement ring, not did I offer, since it was paid for on a joint credit card linked to our bank account, which meant that in reality I did exactly that. I have/had no issue with that, nor do I miss the irony of it. Since getting engaged and married had nothing to do with money (he/we didn't have a 'ring budget'), I wouldn't have wanted him to shatter the romance of it all with such a crass practical viewpoint.

We also shopped for my ring together. There is no way I would have wanted him to choose/buy one for me; it was a joint effort.