Really upset and angry and cant work out why I should be.

Tiglath

Jox wrote: »

What goes around comes around, he's brought this on himself, you did well to leave him.

Try not to worry about him any more, it's all his own fault.

Exactly. He's not a child and you've said yourself he was so appalling you left him. Even if he is telling you the truth about his current situation (and I have my doubts about that), it's still not your problem. If you'd stayed with him, you'd have had 10 more years of drunkenness and abuse. You're not responsible for him however pathetic he is so drop that guilt. Sympathise if you must, but don't get involved and don't worry about him.

gingin_2

Tiglath wrote: »

Exactly. Even if he is telling you the truth about his current situation (and I have my doubts about that), it's still not your problem.

That's a good point. He's been a selfish manipulator in the past, why would he change the habit of a lifetime if it gets him what he wants.

swingaloo

Thank you all and I am taking it onboard. Its just reinforcing what I already know really. Its just so illogical to feel like this.

as for believing it, I have no reason not to. His wife told me herself that she has said she wants him out (this was a few months ago) she has also told me that she doesn't allow him any money or let him go to the shops as he will buy alcohol. She said she didn't trust him with her bank card or credit card.

What any of this has to do with me I don't know, she seems to tell me all her woes if we meet (which is quite rare).

She also told me that she once left him babysitting the grandchild and returned home to find him half drunk so I cant blame her really.

Its just such a waste of his life.

victory

Is he hankering after you asking him to move in with you? So he can leave her as he will have somewhere to stay?

angelil

Your guilt and anger is totally normal, so please don't worry about this!

Try also not to worry about what you view as your son's inheritance. Children don't love their parents for what they might be left when they die, and in any case this money may have had to be spent before your deaths anyway (e.g. on care home fees). I'm sure your son will not see it as you do and I hope that knowing that takes some of the weight off your shoulders.

I'd say to allow yourself to feel your guilt and anger, and know that it will pass. xx

Tiglath

victory wrote: »

Is he hankering after you asking him to move in with you? So he can leave her as he will have somewhere to stay?

Only if the OP's current partner is REALLY REALLY understanding

swingaloo

victory wrote: »

Is he hankering after you asking him to move in with you? So he can leave her as he will have somewhere to stay?

Oh I can definitely rule that out. I'm living with my partner who I met 6 months after I left my ex. He is fully aware of that.

swingaloo

Tiglath wrote: »

Only if the OP's current partner is REALLY REALLY understanding

Just seen that and it made me :rotfl:.

He isn't!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I wouldn't believe a single word of it.


Not one word.


It's the age old poor me, poor me, pour me another drink.

Ignore him. And tell your son to do the same.

podperson

So basically he's brought his current situation on himself by his behaviour and rash decisions (if he drinks like you say then I don't blame his current wife at all for not allowing him access to bank cards) and now he has to live with it so is trying to get sympathy from you or make you feel bad about moving on with your own life.

It's not your fault or responsibility in any way, shape or form - it's his life and he needs to accept some responsibility for what he's done with it. Regarding the will then if they are married, he's been living in the property for a long period of time and can show that he has put money into it then he would have a fairly good case for disputing the will if anything did happen to her. But then that's nothing to do with you and I wouldn't get involved.

Also, you say that by not getting left this money your ex has in some way lost money that should have gone to your son. It's not your son's 'future money' or inheritance, it's your ex's money. Whatever he's done with it is up to him - let's face it by the sounds of it if he hadn't invested in his new wife's property then he'd probably have drunk it away or wasted it in some other way, or he'd have had to rent and so it would have been swallowed up there. Just accept that it's gone and it was never your son's in the first place.