Really upset and angry and cant work out why I should be.

Amanda65

swingaloo wrote: »

I just feel I have ruined his life really although I know the reality is that he was ruining mine and he bought this on himself.

Alcohol, his dependancy on it and his need / want to put it above the needs / wants of you and your son ruined his life, not you.

For you own sanity I would steer well clear of the situation if possible and focus on what your son had - a happy, stable upbringing where his Mum wasn't abused. You said yourself that your ex was spoilt to death (presumably moneywise in part) by his parents and look what that did for him! A lack of inheritance will not make your son have a bad life but seeing his Mum (and maybe himself) being beaten and abused would have.

You walked away for very good reasons 10 years ago and should do the same now. His bed, however uncomfortable, is of his own making

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Wouldn't surprise me if, after knocking you around, he did it to her as well. If he's given himself long term health problems, such as liver failure, ulcers, pancreatitis, portal hypertension, etc, he might have been too weak the last time he tried it - and she gave him a taste of what he's been fishing out to her all these years.

And naturally, getting a smack back after all that time and realising he cant rule anyone by fear anymore would translate into 'the big bad lady's being mean to poor little old me'. Bet he never told her he used to do it to you. Or explained it as self defence because you were a bit mental when you were due on.


There's nothing so sad and pathetic as a vicious bully realising they can't batter and browbeat the world into submission anymore.

londonsurrey

Jojo, that's a really scary understanding of the ins and outs of living with a pathetic bullying alcoholic!

lazer

Just a few points:

1 - they are ot living off benefits that she claims - it is in all liklihood a joint claim - so is he not sponging of her as uch - they are both sponging of the taxpayer

2 - as they are married and he put a significant amount of money into the hosue, in the event of the marriage splitting up, he would almost definatley be entitled to something and would probably be able to contest a will if he not left anything

3 - As this house was bought on a discount from the council, then some councils (ours did) allowed names other than that on the tenancy agreement to be on the mortgage as long as it was joint with tenant - and after 2-5 years the house could be transferred or sold unrestricted.

My advice is to get your son to talk to his dad about his rights

You have nothing to feel guilty about - but you can help your son look out for his Dad (and potentially himself) now!