Daughter absolutely potless dont know where to turn

shazm.69

Thanks for all the helpful advice. My daughter got in touch with a benefit decision maker and was told she had failed the test as she has not been in the country long enough. She was told she can re take the test, but the people in the job centre said she cant take it again she gets told different things by different people. Some of them dont even know what a hrt test is. Her partner is desperate to work he is a proud man and doesnt like handouts. The granparents in spain would have let the children stay as it was only them they cared about they totally took over with the upbringing of them and my daughter didnt get a look in. My daughter was there alone with none of her family to turn to. She has been trying to get back to UK since i came back. It wasnt her fault she was dragged to spain by her parents. Then her father deserted us all there and then everthing went wrong for us all. Yes she was silly to have 2 children so young but we wouldnt be without them now.

szam_

Jimjams71 wrote: »

As a longtime lurker but new poster I have to say I am horrified by some of the things people have responded with. One post suggested that the children be fostered. Really, is that the sort of advice and support that money saving expert forum members should be giving?

Like many others the OP came here for help and constructive and perhaps challenging advice, not bullying and hurtful judgements about her, her morals, and her daughter. She is a human being just like everyone else and deserves the same amount of respect as everyone else, even in faceless cyberspace.

I love reading the helpful suggestions and options so many of you have given to other posters and forum members over the years, your words and perspectives have helped me in so many ways. Please please don't forget that people come here for help.

You have to remember, as some people have pointed out, in all 3 of the threads, it's only ever been about apparent 'entitlement'. i.e. "Come back to the UK, they'll give you a house and money for nothing."

Going off what is written, a lot of people, including myself, are completely baffled by the actions of the OP's daughter and partner (even the OP's actions in some cases). It seems to me there has been no thought about the consequences of having two kids on a low wage in a country known for massive youth unemployment, nor any foresight or planning when flying back here.

I suspect what annoys people is that after constant poor decisions, they now expect the UK govenment to just owe them a place to live and cash.

I'd have to agree with the person who said have the kids fostered short term while the mother and father get back on their feet. The kids deserve to be looked after, its not their fault that the parents made the choices they did.

shazm.69

bloolagoon wrote: »

So the mother sells her UK home and takes early retirement to SPain. Does not work and uses the homes equity to live along with partners wages. Adding to the SPanish economy. Partner leaves her, she has no money left from equity, she cannot claim SPanish benefits so returns to UK to live on benefits. Leaving her child in Spain along with her ex husband and new family.

Mum is still on benefits in UK now, but advises her child, son in law, grandchildren to come to the UK to find work? Leaving behind family who are working and in a position to support this young family, to OP who is in zero position to support the family.

Add to this the young girl has mental health issues

Those poor 2 children, what are the experiencing right now, someone needs to sort this out. Either hand them over to social services, ask the other grandparents to pay something, wash cars, do something, because all I read at the moment is all efforts are going into benefit claiming and not protecting 2 innocent young children.

What on earth are you talking about???
We did NOT retire to spain My then husband was working and so was i.Then he lost his job and had to return to uk to work he would come back every few weeks. Then one day he just didnt come back. He made me sell the house as he was still paying the mortgage we came out of that with hardly anything. I was working 7 days a week 8 hours a day for 3euro an hour. Then i lost that job and had absolutely nothing. We couldnt get help over there. If you cant pay your electricity bills they will come and remove your meter same with water if you cant pay they will not help you cant pay in dribs and drabs they want the full amount.
So my sister got in her car and drove down to spain and made us come back with her. We had no choice she said pack your things we are coming to get you and 2 days later they were there. They had to pay for our return as we had nothing. I didnt even have a passport had to get an emergency one. I always swore i would never leave my daughter there but i had no choice i had 3 other children to think about. I killed me to leave her. I have been sick with worry ever since. So if they have to claim benefits for a while until they find work so be it. Im just glad i have her back with me. And she hasnt got mental isuues at all she was only joking she said that in the heat of the moment. But i am worried for them the children are suffering as i cannot afford all the things they need. And for the people that say im on benefits here how do you know?? I have children including a 6 year old just because i am receiving housing benefit doesnt mean im unemployed.

szam_

shazm.69 wrote: »

Thanks for all the helpful advice. My daughter got in touch with a benefit decision maker and was told she had failed the test as she has not been in the country long enough. She was told she can re take the test, but the people in the job centre said she cant take it again she gets told different things by different people. Some of them dont even know what a hrt test is. Her partner is desperate to work he is a proud man and doesnt like handouts. The granparents in spain would have let the children stay as it was only them they cared about they totally took over with the upbringing of them and my daughter didnt get a look in. My daughter was there alone with none of her family to turn to. She has been trying to get back to UK since i came back. It wasnt her fault she was dragged to spain by her parents. Then her father deserted us all there and then everthing went wrong for us all. Yes she was silly to have 2 children so young but we wouldnt be without them now.

I appreciate that this is not your daughters fault and you must bear the brunt, as with the father, as you both took her to Spain. Can i ask, why did she never come back with you in the first place?

Unfortunately, i agree with the JCP on this one. You let one person have money and a place to live for nothing, everyone would then just come here and get everything for nothing, it'd set a precedent (and its been bad enough in the last 10 years). My girlfriend is Russian and if i moved to live with her in Moscow and moved back here, i wouldn't be moving back here under the assumption i'd be be entitled to anything.

Yes, its a bad situation, and i'm sorry it has happened, however i don't think there is that much you can do aside from frantically job hunt for any small amount of money you can at the moment, sorry.

Dunroamin

shazm.69 wrote: »

And for the people that say im on benefits here how do you know?? I have children including a 6 year old just because i am receiving housing benefit doesnt mean im unemployed.

I don't know whether anyone said that you were unemployed but if you're claiming HB (and presumably CB/CTC) then you certainly are "on benefits".

shazm.69

And to all you tax payers out there that are prejudiced against benefit claimers. Why are you reading threads about benefits if you have never claimed benefits you obviously dont know the system. So your obviously just reading them so you can criticize and cause trouble.
I came on here as i needed advice i have read alot of the comments that some of you have posted on other threads and i think some of you are just out to wind people up you should be removed from the forum. I hope for your sakes you are never in difficulty . But then you are probably retired and just bored well you could still work go out and wash cars or something? Instead of causing trouble by talking about stuff you know nothing about!

Anny_2

shazm.69 wrote: »

And to all you tax payers out there that are prejudiced against benefit claimers. Why are you reading threads about benefits if you have never claimed benefits you obviously dont know the system. So your obviously just reading them so you can criticize and cause trouble.
I came on here as i needed advice i have read alot of the comments that some of you have posted on other threads and i think some of you are just out to wind people up you should be removed from the forum. I hope for your sakes you are never in difficulty . But then you are probably retired and just bored well you could still work go out and wash cars or something? Instead of causing trouble by talking about stuff you know nothing about!

Spot on!

Gentile

shazm.69 wrote: »

And to all you tax payers out there that are prejudiced against benefit claimers. Why are you reading threads about benefits if you have never claimed benefits you obviously dont know the system. So your obviously just reading them so you can criticize and cause trouble.
I came on here as i needed advice i have read alot of the comments that some of you have posted on other threads and i think some of you are just out to wind people up you should be removed from the forum. I hope for your sakes you are never in difficulty . But then you are probably retired and just bored well you could still work go out and wash cars or something? Instead of causing trouble by talking about stuff you know nothing about!

I am here to motivate people like your daughter and son in law who are considered young and able bodied to go out there, work hard and pay proper taxes into the pot from which it is then distributed to people like yourself who is a grandmother and isnt really expected to go out and work in harsh environments like bars/pubs/restaurants.

Think about it, if I did let you in on the loopholes in the system to gain massive benefits, your children might forever get trapped in it and what sort of example would they set to their children ?
HTH

Dunroamin

shazm.69 wrote: »

And to all you tax payers out there that are prejudiced against benefit claimers. Why are you reading threads about benefits if you have never claimed benefits you obviously dont know the system.!

Many people post on here because they are employed to give benefits advice either professionally or as volunteers. It would be pretty silly to expect benefits claimants themselves to understand all the complications of the system; it would end up as the blind leading the blind.

ILW

So the Spanish grandparents are willing and able to support the children.

Why not let them?