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Sister's financial situation - what to do?
ddebski_us
Posts: 1,107 Forumite
Hi all
Might be the wrong section, but it's more of a family "how to tackle" than needing debt advice.
It seems my sister is up to her eyeballs in debt. She won't admit it and tells me there is only one loan she is paying off on a car, but there are constant letters she won't open and various debt collection companies calling that she won't speak to. I also know for a fact that she owes HMR&C in excess of £3k for unfiled tax returns since 2006 (although she denies this and tells me she is uptodate). I suspect she owes £10k or so in total.
She is in and out of jobs, flitting from one to another, all on minimum wage but spends money on whatever she likes; just wastes money on clothes, make-up, fancy food etc. She's coming up to 28.
Now, on the face of it, you may be thinking, mind your own business. But, she lives at home still (I don't) with my mum. My mum doesn't work, she was recently widowed and is retired. My dad left a substantial inheritance which my sister knows about and often talks about how wealthy mum is.
She pays no housekeeping, doesn't help around the house at all, but she does drive mum around (mum can't drive and I live 180 miles away and so can't help all the time).
My mum is worried about the debts. Mum knows nothing about money and is thrifty, my dad kept my mum really and she never dealt with the finances, only getting a debit card once widowed.
I think we should pay off my sister's debts once and for all and leave the slate clean. I want to submit the old tax returns in the hope we can reduce the penalties and determinations of tax (I know about this as I saw a statement from HMR&C at the weekend - I know I shouldn't have snooped, but mum is worried and I need to protect her). But, my sister will never admit to them, constantly lying in the past about not having any debts.
I don't know what to do. Can anyone offer me any advice on how to tackle this?
TIA
xDx
Might be the wrong section, but it's more of a family "how to tackle" than needing debt advice.
It seems my sister is up to her eyeballs in debt. She won't admit it and tells me there is only one loan she is paying off on a car, but there are constant letters she won't open and various debt collection companies calling that she won't speak to. I also know for a fact that she owes HMR&C in excess of £3k for unfiled tax returns since 2006 (although she denies this and tells me she is uptodate). I suspect she owes £10k or so in total.
She is in and out of jobs, flitting from one to another, all on minimum wage but spends money on whatever she likes; just wastes money on clothes, make-up, fancy food etc. She's coming up to 28.
Now, on the face of it, you may be thinking, mind your own business. But, she lives at home still (I don't) with my mum. My mum doesn't work, she was recently widowed and is retired. My dad left a substantial inheritance which my sister knows about and often talks about how wealthy mum is.
She pays no housekeeping, doesn't help around the house at all, but she does drive mum around (mum can't drive and I live 180 miles away and so can't help all the time).
My mum is worried about the debts. Mum knows nothing about money and is thrifty, my dad kept my mum really and she never dealt with the finances, only getting a debit card once widowed.
I think we should pay off my sister's debts once and for all and leave the slate clean. I want to submit the old tax returns in the hope we can reduce the penalties and determinations of tax (I know about this as I saw a statement from HMR&C at the weekend - I know I shouldn't have snooped, but mum is worried and I need to protect her). But, my sister will never admit to them, constantly lying in the past about not having any debts.
I don't know what to do. Can anyone offer me any advice on how to tackle this?
TIA
xDx
Fear is temporary, regret is forever.....
:happyhear Baby girl born 27th September - 10 days late!! :happyhear
0
Comments
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Don't bail her out. It never works.0
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2 things,,
Dont bail her out, she will learn and the only way is the hard way.
Butt out. It really is none of your business.make the most of it, we are only here for the weekend.
and we will never, ever return.0 -
Well, thank you for your helpful responses!
It is my business when she is going to end up taking advantage of my mother and her pot of cash. It is my responsibility to look after the interests of my mum; I promised my dad I'd look after her.
The debts are going to grow, she is not paying any housekeeping and will never learn as she believes they will just go away. It will end up with baliffs coming round to my mum's house - my mum does not need this stress!
xDxFear is temporary, regret is forever.....:happyhear Baby girl born 27th September - 10 days late!! :happyhear0 -
ddebski_us wrote: »Well, thank you for your helpful responses!
It is my business when she is going to end up taking advantage of my mother and her pot of cash. It is my responsibility to look after the interests of my mum; I promised my dad I'd look after her.
The debts are going to grow, she is not paying any housekeeping and will never learn as she believes they will just go away. It will end up with baliffs coming round to my mum's house - my mum does not need this stress!
xDx
Those are helpful responses based on what is seen time and again on these boards.
Are you at all concerned that your sister will eat up all this inheritance before any of it comes to you ?0 -
Don't even think about bailing her out when she is clearly unwilling to face up to her problems. If she was beavering away trying to sort it out and taking responsibility the maybe, just maybe it would be the right thing to do.
How about your mum sitting down with her to discuss housekeeping money? You may need to be there at the house but not actually part of the conversation. Maybe then she may not want to live at home any more...
Most of all, this is not your fight to fight. She is a grown woman and needs to act like one.Man plans and God laughs...Perhaps travel cannot prevent bigotry. But by demonstrating that all people cry, laugh, eat, worry and die, it introduces the idea that if we try to understand each other, we may even become friends.0 -
ddebski_us wrote: »Hi all
Might be the wrong section, but it's more of a family "how to tackle" than needing debt advice.
It seems my sister is up to her eyeballs in debt. She won't admit it and tells me there is only one loan she is paying off on a car, but there are constant letters she won't open and various debt collection companies calling that she won't speak to. I also know for a fact that she owes HMR&C in excess of £3k for unfiled tax returns since 2006 (although she denies this and tells me she is uptodate). I suspect she owes £10k or so in total.
What about if it is, say, £50k?0 -
If you (or Mum) pay it off for her without her having to face up to it, she'll just run up the debts again. How about if mum asks for some lodge money and puts that aside, then at least she's putting money away and if she faces up to the debts she has some put away to deal with it? Does mum know about the debts now? I think you have to sit down and talk to her about it, and admit that you've seen her bills and that she can't lie. She'll be annoyed, but at least it gets it out in the open.0
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If you and your mum clear her debts, she will soon fill up that clean slate again! I know you want to protect your mum but paying off her debts can make it worse for all long term. A rod for everyone's back for starters.
If your sister, despite this debt is still going around buying stuff she does not need nor afford then she really is not in a place to appreciate the blessed relief that being debt free will bring. Instead it gives her a new slate to work on filling up again.0 -
Those are helpful responses based on what is seen time and again on these boards.
Are you at all concerned that your sister will eat up all this inheritance before any of it comes to you ?
It would appear that you think I am the one being selfish here, worrying about my own situation.
My sister tells my mum what to do; mum has always been told my dad want to do and will not stand up to my sister, who is bossy and demanding.
My mum does not have the capacity to be in charge of the situation; am I to sit by and watch my sister take advantage of my parents and the money they worked so hard to earn?Fear is temporary, regret is forever.....:happyhear Baby girl born 27th September - 10 days late!! :happyhear0 -
Time to fledge the nest!
I never had any money when I moved back to my parents (but managed ok before and now) I don't think you value the worth of things when reverting into a child like dependent situation when your an adult, it isn't healthy for anyone. Your mum may think she is acting in your sisters best interests but by allowing your sister not to take any responsibility for herself will not help either of them.
You've done your best by trying to approach the situation with your sister, it sounds like she has adopted an ostrich technique. Have you mentioned PPI to her she may be due back some money. Your mum should start charging her board ( this really shouldn't be an issue) if your mum feels guilty about this she could open a separate account and save the board money in this (but don't tell your sibling) then when your sister decides to sort herself out the money could go towards this - but it sounds like she has a serious amount of growing up to do.0
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