Sister's financial situation - what to do?

Dunroamin

ddebski_us wrote: »

Thanks for all of the replies.

I do agree mum needs to decide what action to take, but she has categorically asked me what she should do as she doesn't know. When my sister does borrow cash from mum (which both has told me has happened recently), I ask my sister if it has been repaid (yes) and my mum (don't know). Mum is so rubbish with money that she can't even remember if my sister has repaid £30!


xDx

Regardless of your sister's debts, I would make it a priority to help and educate your mother to deal with her own money.

I appreciate that your father has always looked after this side of things but now that he's gone she needs to be helped to be independent in this, rather than being reliant on an honest daughter who lives at a distance or a crooked daughter who lives in her own home.

Your mother may, God willing, have many years ahead of her and many financial decisions to make on her own. She's likely to come across far more crooked people than your sister but if you can help to empower her now that should enable her to gain skills she can use for the rest of her life. There are many crooked salespeople and gold digging men who may find your mother easy pickings if she stays as oblivious as she is.

Good luck.

LandyAndy

Summary of current penalties from HMRC website

http://www.hmrc.gov.uk/sa/deadlines-penalties.htm#3

1 day late
A penalty of £100. This applies even if you have no tax to pay or have paid the tax you owe.
3 months late
£10 for each following day - up to a 90 day maximum of £900. This is as well as the fixed penalty above.
6 months late
£300 or 5% of the tax due, whichever is the higher. This is as well as the penalties above.
12 months late
£300 or 5% of the tax due, whichever is the higher.
In serious cases you may be asked to pay up to 100% of the tax due instead.
These are as well as the penalties above.Example

Mrs A's tax return is due on 31 January 2013 but HMRC doesn't receive it until 5 August 2013.



It is over six months late so she will have to pay all of the following:

• £100 fixed penalty
• £900 penalty - this is £10 each day from 1 May to 29 July, when the maximum 90 day penalty is reached.
• £300 or 5 per cent of the tax due - whichever is the higher

I think these apply since 6 April 2010 so there will be no reduction for those years, at least, even if there is no tax to pay.

shiny76

ddebski_us wrote: »

I think we are a long way from her to agreeing to me doing a credit check on her at the moment, but a good idea for the future.

xDx

It would be a great way for her to prove you wrong and that any credit/debt she has is manageable so why wouldn't she want to show you

Even better, if she has a credit card then you can sign her up to Noddle!

zzzLazyDaisy

shiny76 wrote: »

It would be a great way for her to prove you wrong and that any credit/debt she has is manageable so why wouldn't she want to show you

Because she is an adult and doesn't want her sister nosing into her affairs, no matter how well meaning her sister might be (just putting the other point of view)

Lara44

ddebski_us wrote: »

This will then give her a blatant opportunity to tell me about anything else (as she has lied in the past about having no outstanding tax returns). If she doesn't, fine. I know not to trust her as far as I can throw her.

Is it really a trust issue OP? She may be choosing to lie rather than tell you her private business.

For example my HB and I are trying to conceive, yet when people ask I say 'no no, we are waiting until studies are completed etc....' because it's private. I'd be gutted if this white lie made people not trust me in the future.

belfastgirl23

Honestly OP most people here are saying your proposed course of action is wrong (however well meant), will result in a heck of a family hooha at best, at worst a major fracture which your mother will then end up mediating. And isn't actually going to fix any of the problems - your sister will likely still be in debt or run up more debt and your mother will still end up bailing her out. And not telling you about it because she knows you'll be upset with her.

I would really turn things around and ask you why it is so important to YOU to deal with this? What is it you're trying to sort out? I know you feel a responsibility towards your mum and I admire this but you would not be acting in her best interests here, you would just be reinforcing her own sense that she is incapable of managing her own financial affairs. Dunroamin's advice on this is good - you need to empower her not disempower her further.

I think you should spend some more time thinking through your own motives - and I mean really thinking through, not just leaping to the easy conclusions.

I know this won't be what you want to hear but you've asked for advice and opinions but not really listened to the advice you're getting. Please before you blow the whole family apart at this very sad time, stop and think is this what you really want?

Mojisola

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

I would really turn things around and ask you why it is so important to YOU to deal with this?

Like the OP, I would have to try to deal with the problem because, if it's left, it's going to get worse.

I would rather step in at this stage and hope Mum can learn how to say "No" and how to manage her own financial affairs and that Sis will face up to her debts rather than have to pick up the pieces several years down the line when Mum's money has run out and Sis's debts are totally unmanageable.

ddebski_us

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

Honestly OP most people here are saying your proposed course of action is wrong (however well meant), will result in a heck of a family hooha at best, at worst a major fracture which your mother will then end up mediating. And isn't actually going to fix any of the problems - your sister will likely still be in debt or run up more debt and your mother will still end up bailing her out. And not telling you about it because she knows you'll be upset with her.

I would really turn things around and ask you why it is so important to YOU to deal with this? What is it you're trying to sort out? I know you feel a responsibility towards your mum and I admire this but you would not be acting in her best interests here, you would just be reinforcing her own sense that she is incapable of managing her own financial affairs. Dunroamin's advice on this is good - you need to empower her not disempower her further.

I think you should spend some more time thinking through your own motives - and I mean really thinking through, not just leaping to the easy conclusions.

I know this won't be what you want to hear but you've asked for advice and opinions but not really listened to the advice you're getting. Please before you blow the whole family apart at this very sad time, stop and think is this what you really want?

I don't think I have ignored the advice on this thread; the advice has been not to pay off her debts - I am not going to suggest we do this.

My mum has expressed her concern to me about this and has ASKED for my help. She said the ONLY thing worrying her at the moment are my sister's debts - am I to ignore this? I promised my dad I would look after her.

I also don't believe that your suggestion that getting my mum to charge my sister board is going to "blow the family apart" - is this not an acceptable request from a mother to her 28 year old working daughter? Is it not an important lesson that she starts to learn that living is not free?

krlyr

The act of asking for/charging rent is not a big deal, no, but the fallout if (/when) your sister fails to keep to this is what would worry me. If she learns it is an empty threat then she will be even harder to deal with because she won't take either of you seriously. If it's not an empty threat, it is going to be upsetting for everyone involved.
Is your mum prepared to evict her for failing to pay rent? To deal with the fallout - perhaps being cut off by her daughter, or having to cut her off? We had to do it as a family and initially my brother did react badly - me and him had a steaming argument when I threw him out of the house and he distanced himself from us all because of it but we had to do it or we'd probably still be paying his debts, old and new, in dribs and drabs to this day.
I know from experience that it is not easy and there is no right answer but think your decisions through from both sides. Not just about what you can do to help her, but what you shouldn't do to help her as well.

marisco_2

The conversation needs to be between your sister and your mum. It really is about time that your sister was told to get and keep hold of a proper job, clear her debts by herself and start contributing to her living costs and some of the household bills.

At the moment she is getting pretty much a free ride, has little responsibility and is burying her head in the sand regarding her debt. For someone of 28 she is behaving like a child and expecting to be kept and cared for.

Bailing her out isn't going to improve things for her in the long run. If she thinks her mum or her sister will sort out her problems and look after her, where is the incentive to change. You will most likely clear this lot of debt only for her to run up more in a very short space of time.