SF's road to mortgage freedom!

slowlyfading

November 21st, 2016.

My mum phoned me yesterday morning to say that my grandma had died. She had been ill for quite a while, but it hurts so much. She was such a wonderful grandma, mum, wife, person so I'm really sad that she's not here. However, she was probably in quite a bit of pain most of the time, had lost the ability to communicate and her quality of life was declining fast. Doesn't make it any easier though

Not much else to say at the moment, time is so very scarce and I want to spend it with my family, where I can. I am still working on my e-courses launch when I get a spare few minutes, though I am continuously worrying that I am putting in hours and hours of work and it might be a big fail. I'm hoping not, but you never know?

Finances are generally okay; it is always an expensive time of the year and it's my 30th birthday in a couple of weeks so me and DH are going away for the weekend. Savings are going to be smaller than previous months, but I'm alright with that. My shares have taken a bit of a battering of late, so it's a little disheartening to see my isa balance go down. However, as I'm not planning on selling any time soon, it doesn't technically make any difference at the moment.

I have been thinking about aims for 2017 and what I would like me/us to achieve. I think there's going to be some very optimistic aims in there, but I'm not one to do things by halves. I'm cautiously excited about next year, about the things I am planning to do.

The weather here is so miserable; it has rained all day and not got particularly light. I haven't been to work today; DS was up half the night coughing and he's not himself today at all, so I have stayed at home to be with him. He's currently having a second nap, which he never has anymore, so he must be feeling off colour.

Happy Monday, everyone.

beanielou

Thinking of you & yours.

Kittenkirst

So sorry for your loss Slowlyfading, thoughts are with you x

slowlyfading

beanielou wrote: »

Thinking of you & yours.

Kittenkirst wrote: »

So sorry for your loss Slowlyfading, thoughts are with you x

Thank you both :kisses3:

jodles16

Hello SF, have spent the last couple of days reading through your diary, you have done so well since you started!

I am so sorry for your loss, my nan was ill for a long time leading up to her passing and it didnt make it easier, I still miss her even though its been over three years! Make sure you take time for yourself to grieve, perhaps meeting up with your mum and remembering her.

DS sounds so lovely, it is easy to see why you would want to be a stay at home mum, hopefully as time goes on and you continue to do well with your monies it will happen!

All the best,

Jodles

beanielou

How are things now?

slowlyfading

I miss sleep

I seem to have lost the ability to sleep. Even when DS is asleep, I cannot switch off. It is beginning to impact every area of my life.

I have been speaking to someone about anxiety, after ringing the doctors. I am struggling massively at the moment with various things. Sleep is the biggest issue, as it is starting to have an impact at work as I just don't have the energy to do anything.

Other tasks are put by the wayside, for they are not that important. The only time I feel vaguely relaxed is at home with DS, in the safety of our home.

I have had a couple of panic attacks at work which have been fairly upsetting. Thankfully, I have been by myself both times, so no one there to witness.

I am trying to keep things together, the best way I can. But, I'll admit, that is very difficult at the moment.

Not the most positive of updates, hey ho.

Knit_Witch

Sorry to hear this hun (gentle hugs coming your way), would a meditation CD/podcast help just before bed?

beanielou

Sorry to hear this too.
Good suggestion from Knit Whitch.
Take it you have tried night time kalms & lavander?

CathT

Hugs slowly fading, keep in contact with GP too. Lack of sleep impacts on so much and sleep hygiene is so important. Hope things get better for you.