Compliance Visit from DWP

princessdon

zoominatorone wrote: »

It's just I get the feeling that ss are desperate to get evidence to get the kids away from you both.

Hubby was escorted out 2 times by the police, has mental health problems and mum is on lithium and has mental health problems. Are ss being over cautious or do they think the kids are in significant danger?

If they had proof the children would be removed. They certainly think op and hubby are best apart until issues are resolved - but op knows this - hence partial co operation.

Long term I doubt ss would want a family ripped apart - just time for each adult to get individual help.

But you are correct in their motives in my opinion anyway

Fluffybug

zoominatorone wrote: »

It's just I get the feeling that ss are desperate to get evidence to get the kids away from you both.

Hubby was escorted out 2 times by the police, has mental health problems and mum is on lithium and has mental health problems. Are ss being over cautious or do they think the kids are in significant danger?

They are being over cautious. Mental health issues do not an unfit parent make. In fact, all reports compiled by CS state that the children are well cared for, well loved, appropriately disciplined, unharmed, appropriately clothed, well fed, healthy mentally and physically and are well rounded, intelligent children.
However, "research shows" for every one reported incident, there are ten unreported. I've never reported an incident, I've had my husband removed as a precautionary measure. It was over a two week period after a close family member died and I was very on edge, and I didn't want things to blow up. Surely this proves I can predict potentially dangerous situations and make the effort required to avoid them.
CS don't seem to realise that correlation does not imply causation, and also that they're desperately trying to invent DV when there has been none.

princessdon

Fluffybug wrote: »

Spot on really. The children are under a protection order to protect them from DV. CS believe that, despite the fact nothing has ever happened, I am lying, and that my Hubby is frequently violent due to his personality disorders. This isn't true, and our combined counselling is being fed back to CS as the psych team are agreeing with us that there isn't an issue, but we need to wait for the full review in Feb.
Until then, CS believe the pressure of a relationship, and full time shared responsibilities, added to us being physically together whenever he isn't at work, would cause a volatile atmosphere and aggravate DV and potentially put the children at risk.
As it is, we're now at the mercy of the psych team, but so far both the Relate counsellor and the CMHT both say there is no risk, but this needs to be formalised with a full evaluation taking into account our combined mental health issues.

I know - I see this daily hence knowing its a sec 20 etc. you KNOW you should comply and cut all ties for the short term with supervised contact. I cannot change your personal needs and the fact you need him as a partner (hence him staying), its you living that life not me and you need to balance your own mental health too.

That's why you need legal advice as I know how ss would use evidence of cohabitation if dwp find you living together

Fluffybug

zoominatorone wrote: »

OP

who involved the ss in the first place?
was it the police when they were called?

SS were involved for a combination of my husband's and my mental issues, the police calls, and two malicious reports to them, which were proved to be untrue. One was that I had tried to kill myself by slashing my wrists in front of the kids, proved untrue by the distinct lack of any injury, and one that my kids had been screaming and were left abandoned in the house. Report was made at midnight, Police showed up 15 minutes later, both of my children were fast asleep, had been since 8pm, and the police report stated that there were no concerns, and in fact, after the second false report, the neighbour involved was given a warning by the police.
(They're very dodgy neighbours. Reported my other neighbour for being a benefit cheat as she had money but did nothing but walk around in her pyjamas a lot. She was not receiving benefits and was on maternity leave. They also accused my neighbour of abusing her pet dog and stubbing cigarettes out on it. My neighbour has never had a dog.)

swingaloo

I cant understand this at all.

My sister has 2 children, her husband works away from home all week, returning Saturday morning and leaving Sunday afternoon.
Doesn't make her a single parent though.

You are a couple, your husband sleeps elsewhere a few nights a week and doesn't pay towards the household bills (my ex husband was exactly the same :rotfl:)
There are no plans to stay apart forever, no divorce looming- you are simply sleeping apart for a while, how can you say you are not a couple?

Fluffybug

swingaloo wrote: »

I cant understand this at all.

My sister has 2 children, her husband works away from home all week, returning Saturday morning and leaving Sunday afternoon.
Doesn't make her a single parent though.

You are a couple, your husband sleeps elsewhere a few nights a week and doesn't pay towards the household bills (my ex husband was exactly the same :rotfl:)
There are no plans to stay apart forever, no divorce looming- you are simply sleeping apart for a while, how can you say you are not a couple?

I take it you haven't read the rest of the thread?
We aren't allowed to be a couple. With our situation, if we were to claim as a couple, I could get into trouble for fraud, as we are not a couple. We want to be, but are not allowed. Sorry if this sounds terrible, but if one government department wants to destroy my life and force me, for their convenience, to be single, then another one had better flipping not come along and tell me that for their convenience we're a couple.
Personally, I want my husband home, I want a family unit, as does he, but if we're being told we can't do that on threat of having our children removed, thus forcing my husband to have to pay out a shed load in travel, money for another place to live, extra food for two homes etc, then they had better count us as together for benefit purposes. It's not fair. So we can be a couple on paper for the sake of their finances, but in reality I can't act like a wife, he can't act like a husband, and we can't be a family?!
No.

Pricivius

I know precious little about this area, but it seems to me that OP needs to be aware that different departments use different definitions, as set out by ICeQueen99 above.

CS may accept you are not a couple by their definition, BUT HMRC would consider you a couple as they have different rules and DWP may also consider you a couple as they also have different rules.

It's similar to how you can be an employee under employment law, but self-employed under tax law at the same time.

CS are insisting that he does not live with you full time and accept that by their definition, you are not a couple, but his presence in your home 6 days a week when he eats and puts the kids to bed, staying over 2 nights a week for the whole weekend and using your address for all post may well be enough for DWP.

Fluffybug

Pricivius wrote: »

I know precious little about this area, but it seems to me that OP needs to be aware that different departments use different definitions, as set out by ICeQueen99 above.

CS may accept you are not a couple by their definition, BUT HMRC would consider you a couple as they have different rules and DWP may also consider you a couple as they also have different rules.

It's similar to how you can be an employee under employment law, but self-employed under tax law at the same time.

CS are insisting that he does not live with you full time and accept that by their definition, you are not a couple, but his presence in your home 6 days a week when he eats and puts the kids to bed, staying over 2 nights a week for the whole weekend and using your address for all post may well be enough for DWP.

He doesn't eat here except at weekends. If I had a friend that stayed here and acted with me the way my husband does at the moment, there would be no issue. As it is, we're financially worse off, mentally and emotionally worse off, and whilst we have a piece of paper saying we got married several years ago, we do not live in a way that would suggest we are a couple.
Incidentally, a few years back, I had a friend who lived in London in the week, and came to stay with me at weekends so she could job hunt in two cities whilst she was on JSA. My income didn't affect her as she was not classed as living here. She checked with the DWP that her weekends here were ok.
Although my OH's post comes here, that's because he has nowhere he can forward it to, and he can't just say "don't write to me ever!"
Anything he could switch to online (bank statements, credit card statements, etc) he did, to minimise what came here, but things like HMRC correspondence still come here. Nothing he can do u til he has a permanent address, which he is totally reliant on a disinterested council for

FBaby

Thanks for providing more info which does explain your situation more clearly. As said before, it seems to be a very grey area, and more importantly, the issue is that it is not up to what you or even less us posters believe but how to falls within or outside the DPW and HMRC rules.

My perspective is that you are definitely still a couple, only that there are circumstances that means you can't be a conventional one at the moment, but that's no different to many families. Those separated for work, health or family reasons. You still consider yourself a family since it is what you both want, the fact he can't stay everynight, or that you can't share the same bed doesn't make you a separated couple.

I do feel for you though that you didn't think of seeking advice on this earlier on as clearly you are under a lot of stress at the moment and this is only going to make matters worse. Things might not be as bad as you fear though. If you say that you haven't been that much better off claiming separately, even if in the worse case scenario you are mad to pay the overpayment, it might not be that much.

cheepskate_2

O.P, Why do you need to sleep on the sofa? I assume that your kids do not sleep in the living room.
Being in the bedroom(as i assume this is where you both were before claiming as a single parent)worked well and you could still attend to the kids.

If its only a 90 minute journey , then why does your husband stay as its not really a long journey considering he can stay for 12 hours or so.

How did Social Services 1st get involved and when?