Hoarding - A New Start

VJsmum

:T Well done This Year and THis Year's OH

Massive progress, I'd say.

Perhaps This is, indeed, your Year.

Confession - I bought a jumper in the sales. BUT, I am going to get rid of a cardi that I bought on Ebay that was a mistake (see, I am learning - it was a mistake, therefore get rid..). I will re ebay it this week. If it isn't done before my next charity shop bag goes, then it can go in it.

wannabe_sybil

Byatt wrote: »

So what I'm trying to say is, to apply this to something like not being able to put something away without ironing it first, what are the feelings felt, go through the panic and the worst thta can happen scenario, and see if it relates to something else?

The saying feel the fear and do it anyway, is a cliche now, but I still think is apt for things that are "feeling" memories.

Not sure this makes sense.

The thought of putting away unironed clothes really did have a massive, inexplicable horrified reaction. Your post really helps - and I know where the feelings come from.

My mother - if it isn't done properly don't bother. Her house was as bad or worse than the tv shows. But I am still coming to terms with dealing with the difference between what she said (and as a child I believed) and what she did and she died ten years ago this month. Thank you, Byatt, it has prompted a bit of a lightbulb moment. According to her words she lived the most rigorous, well run, old style life...

I'll have a quick rummage and then I think they will go.

hugs to all. Thank you to all who post - there is so much insight.

Byatt

Hello Sybil, how is Little Bear?

edit, I must admit, my mother's version of her/our life never tallied with her children's.

Catriona_P

Hey guys. My first day of study has not been very productive (but not helped by having my DD with me all day, at least she's at nursery the rest of the week). I went through my big box of baby bottles and washed them all up - havn't used most of them for a year but didn't want to just throw them as they can still useful, so I'm going to list them, and a few other baby things, on my work classifieds page. Someone might find them of use.

Exam is a week tomorrow and I'm not feeling confident, but will really get stuck into studying the rest of this week.

At a charity shop book sale last year I found an old hoarding book called 'Freedom From Clutter' - printed in 1989! But most of the principles in it are still sound. I photocopied one page in particular which I use regularly on how to sort junk:

'It is junk if:
- It's broken or obsolete (and mending it is unrealistic)
- You've outgrown it, physically or emotionally
- You've always hated it
- It's the wrong size, wrong colour or wrong style
- Using it is more bother than it's worth
- It wouldn't really matter if you never saw it again
- It generates bad feelings
- You have to clean it, store it and insure it (but you don't get much use or enjoyment out of it
- It will shock, bore or burden the next generation

It's not junk if it:
- Generates love and good feelings
- Helps you make a living
- Will do something you need done
- Has significant cash value
- Gives you more than it takes
- Will enrich or delight the coming generation'

I find this helps me when I waver. Righto, back to study!

eandjsmum

Hi

I'm back and in a more positive frame of mood today. I now have two more chairs inthe dining room to sit on and my bedroom chair is cleared of everything.

I can also see the top of the sideboard and my desk.

I have decluttered by opening and examining everything, so I have binned quite a lot of rubbish.

Yesturday I found a pen (that didn't work so binned), a pair od needlework scissors and 20p. I must have thought about starting a cross stich at some time because I found an open one with all the thrads sorted so I put tat one on the top of the pile to do next.

I have looked through all my lotions and potions and put the ones with a small amount in at the frount of my dressing table to be used first. ( I did actually throw some out as they looked discusting or faded and off).

I had a bag of shredding. OH has just brought down a handful - a start.

I have decided that as I am back at work now I will do an hour Sat and Sun, and find one thing to give or throw away every day of the week.

If I sort my hoarding maybe my OH will sort his out-hopefully.
I don't want this house to get like a relatives whose house is like the hoarder next door, but thinking about my problems last week OH was a hoarder when I met him but I didn't realise how bad he was.

wannabe_sybil

Byatt - little bear is feeling sorry for himself. Everyone in the house has a cough except evil cat - and she is looking seedy. I hope you are well.

Today we got a new fridge for father's room. We had a cooler type thingy, but it wasn't keeping the milk fresh. We have now got a proper table top fridge for him. It means that he can keep stuff for snacks etc in his room. He may sell the cooler, or donate it. It is leaving the house really soon.

One thing I was really proud of - we took the packaging off, and decided that if for any reason we needed to send it back we were surrounded by shops who we're on box scrounging terms and we could just ask someone. We just put it all for recycling before little bear could claim it to make castles with. Boxes to make castles with may be saved later, but not when he has all his toys from Christmas and his birthday to play with first.

I wrote the thank you letters as little bear unpacked his toys. I just need to get round to posting them now.

JayneC

Catriona that's really helpful. My downfall is keeping things that are broken. I can now see how ridiculous this is. I am ok with passing on/selling perfectly usable stuff but I hate just chucking things out so I keep them, thinking I'll mend it/re-purpose it... However today - I threw a dress in the bin This is a major step forward for me and I had to give myself a good talking to and walk away quickly afterwards. I also gathered some more clothes to e-bay/car boot, this bit was far easier. I have now realised this is a distraction. I tell myself I'm decluttering but I'm not actually addressing the real clutter/hoarding.

I've decided I'm going to spend a few weeks at a time concentrating on one room at a time, as I tend to flit and not make any real progress. Sooo... I'm on my bedroom at the moment. Spent a half hour up there and chucked a few more bits, including the pretty box that once had a necklace in _ I am really not going to use it. Also decided I don't need 3 santa hats and 2 large christmas gift bags, so they're going along with some decs I don't really need. I thought I was not far off but have now acknowledged that I don't need all those training notes under my bed. It's amazing how liberating it is to realise that I really don't need this stuff...

Re the dreaded ironing pile. I have always had issues with ironing and it was not unheard of when my kids were little for them to have outgrown stuff in the ironing pile before it got ironed. Having tried lots of different tactics for keeping up with it. I have finally come up with just setting one evening a week (Sundays here) for ironing. And if it doesn't get done one week this is not a fail it just waits until the next week. I mostly keep on top of it nowadays. I also don't iron everything, which took me a long time to realise was ok as my mother irons everything including knickers and bras!!!:eek:

It's interesting to hear about growing up with a hoarder, my experience is almost the opposite, as although my mum and dad do hoard to some degree they are very tidy. Mum used to just clean constantly, she would make my dad take me and my brother out so she could clean. Poor dad had to take us when he went to the rugby and fishing??! as well as visiting gran , going to the park or whatever. Which was nice for my dad but I did miss my mum.....

whitewing

I have one incredible friend who is able to take clothes out of the tumble drier and fold it perfectly without any creasing. Why can't I do that?

I do like ironing Tea clothes though. I like a stack of ironed tea cloths.

tibawo

Not had time to bob on for a few days. Party went well but was to lazy to tidy up properly day after. Back to school today and with clubs tonight and tomoz everything a bit of a stand still. However three bits of eBay now collected one felt sorry that it only went for a fiver but I was happy it was gone and can get on with next job!
Weds eve out to panto and thurs friend over from Oz so nothing other than bare minimal will be done till weekend. I will try to do ten really focused mins before bed each night.
Keep on chipping away we will get it down together as there is no I in teamwork!

lostinrates

whitewing wrote: »

I have one incredible friend who is able to take clothes out of the tumble drier and fold it perfectly without any creasing. Why can't I do that?

I do like ironing Tea clothes though. I like a stack of ironed tea cloths.

I like ironing.

I do. I know I am a freak but it's warm which apart from in hot summers means enjoyable, and it smells nice and is something that lets one listen to the radio or tv. It's a lovely job.

But I still get an ironing mountain. And just a putting away mountain )



I really empathise with those saying...' no put away has to be perfect' because I am that woman too (rememebr the fraught perfectionist discussions we have had?). Which is exactly why I know what this behaviour does to people like me.

We think it's the key to our success....but infact, it can be our down fall.

I am not for ONE SECOnD suggesting we join the drawer and cupboard stuffers of disorganisation or hidden hoarding, but I am suggesting we find out what really matters.

For me it's that my clothes are clean and protected. (and ironed when I wear them). Lying out they get stained as someone walks past with a cuppa, or dirty when cats find them and cannot resist the clean laundry smell and curl up in it for a nap (and who can blame cats for that) and it lingers.

There is that annoying phrase about madness being doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Well, I am ready for results now, and doiong what I used to do doesn't work for me in this current state of play.


My ironing mountain builds because I am too tired/sore/ I'll or to grubby* to iron so I think...I will do it on x day after the next load is done, when I might be iller or grubbier *. I have found clothes I had forgotten about before Christmas on the spare bed (where my laundry mountain lived).

*

I know it sounds like I am filthy all the time. For those that don't realise we have a small holding so I am out in mud at least three times a day and because of my neurological problems I am clumsy, I fall over a lot. And I muck out animals twice a day and smell of animal muck until I have cleaned, which I do twice a day, but when depends on the time of year and what the animals are up too.:o