Hoarding - A New Start

sjprmc01

My OH is more attached to things from his childhood and his past and finds an unreasonable reason to hang onto things and over purchases certain things to extremes. Yet would wear shoes/clothes till they fell apart on him

Stuff I hold onto is pretty/aspirational

suzitiger

ostrichnomore wrote: »

Does anyone remember the TV programme The Life Laundry? All about decluttering and de-hoarding. Found one or two episodes on YouTube. This one - about inheriting a junk filled house - hits home. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4dHCq1iUI88

I think there were also books of the series (I think I've got one somewhere...)
A lot of it was about how to decide what to keep and what to throw.

I have the book and it has really helped me so far! A bit more than freedom from clutter I must admit, I find him a bit TOO ruthless for my liking, cuz I like my memory box and loved looking through and hearing stories from my gran's one and my mum's one when I was younger Freedom from clutter discourages this, I disagree! Maybe that's my problem lol :rotfl:
I am now watching this, I loved this show when I was younger. I used to watch it and get inspired and tidy my room at the same time Never thought to look for it on youtube, thanks so much ostritchnomore!! :T

blossomhill_2

sjprmc01 wrote: »

I haven't bought much at all for the kids in the sale (bar some welly socks for middle, school shirts and tights for eldest (which were needed) and a Barbour jacket and hat for eldest which to be fair she wasn't desperate for but it was half price and she likes them and it was next size up

Normally I'd have devoured the sales but I'm beginning to get there with the not seeing the point as they mainly live in school uniform. I do enjoy buying clothes though, it makes me feel good...........but then makes me feel bad when I can't cope with the clutter they cause/have nowhere to store them

This sounds like good progress sjp - I always overbought in sales and then despaired when dd went back to shcool and outgrew the clothes without wearing

GQ - I do see a connection with weight but think seeing it as well, let's call it a spade; greed, would be oversimplifying it - so often weight is a result of meds, medical conditions, lack of sleep affecting hormones etc that I see it all as general loss

That said, when I decided to see my hoarding as greed, i also decided to cut down my general consumption eg putting half a spoon coffee + half spoon sugar into my morning coffee instead of full ones and found it helped my mindset - if I haven't got time to savour a hot drink I have water instead and have lost the need to "grab" things, don't need things like crisps anymore ...

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

On one side, we have the perfect closet/wardrobe. It's completely invisible to everybody due to the mountains of clothes tumbling down all over the place and piled up in front of it. Even the owner hasn't been able to get to it for months/years, the clothes havent been seen for many moons, but they know it's all perfect in there somewhere.

Or you have the room clear of washing, you can see chairs, beds, banisters, window sills, stairs. Everybody can see it is clear and functional. But the owner will have to run an iron over something the night before they wear it, and maybe do a few other things whilst the iron is on, but not create a huge task out of it.

Which is perfect? Neither. But one has the owner able to find a chair for a visitor or a jumper that hasn't been furballed over on the quiet.

lostinrates

Speaking of closets, I have done my one thing a day yesterday, and today I moved five. Everything from now on this week is a bonus from that cupboard whoch feels great.

I have found lots and lots of beautiful dresses that have been unworn. (bought end of year before last when I was feeling really good, then got sicker, put more wieght on.....oh dear.


Regards connection with weight, this is tricky for me, because weight is related to my health and medications, but though I have not been very well, and my meds aren't helping, I am not sure, but I think I might have lost a little recently. Not a huge amount, but something. Makes me feel more positive at the very least.

As I was moving one of these pretty dresses I thought about the plan to meet dh in London regularly and thought how much this would improve my outlook and mood. I still could not cope with the drive but it's my aim in increasing my stamina now. I want to be there by early summer at least.

Mumof2_2

Hi, hope you don't mind if I join in too. I'm not actually a hoarder myself but my DH is - and it causes massive problems for us. We have had a breakthrough in that he now recognises he has a problem in letting stuff go and he's going to talk to our GP about it because it also causes me low mood/anxiety problems. If I even go near his stuff he almost breaks out into a cold sweat - when I got rid of some magazines not long ago he had to leave the room because it was too stressful for him .

My DD was a hoarder but she's getting better but DS is showing signs of being like his Dad so I'm helping him with that. I think I could be more ruthless in what I get rid of but I'd say on balance not too bad. However I am very interested in what has been said on here so far and ideas of what 'clutter' actually is so thought I'd come on into this forum too if you'll have me!

lostinrates

Welcome mum of 2

blossomhill_2

Mumof2 wrote: »

Hi, hope you don't mind if I join in too. I'm not actually a hoarder myself but my DH is ...

Of course we don't, anyone affected by hoarding issues is welcome

As a relative of hoarders it is a fine line between becoming an "enabler" and causing the hoarder to dig in their heels and feel more threatened

By this I can see that at one time my DD was hoarding and I was enabling it by pointing things out and saying "oh look, you collect these, that one's cheap" at a time when I should have been finding ways for her to let go of some of what she already had (she found her own way in the end, thankfully, probably from a fear of ending up like me! )

The threat bit has been demonstrated on here by another new poster who felt that their need to keep things was linked to her dad sweeping her belongings away at intervals

I would say it starts with single items, and then has to progress to categories of stuff - one broken Airfix plane can go, but may lead the hoarder to see that actually they have outgrown them anyway, and actually not many girls would find my room cool with homemade planes hanging up where they'd expect to see posters of [insert whatever teens find cool these days - how do I know! :rotfl:]

Catriona_P

blossomhill wrote: »

The threat bit has been demonstrated on here by another new poster who felt that their need to keep things was linked to her dad sweeping her belongings away at intervals

Yes, that's me. Down the years my OH has offered to help me clear things but as well meaning as his intentions are - it just causes me to get very defensive and start stressing out. My sister helped me tidy some clothes a few weeks ago but inevitable comments like 'You have so many clothes!' didn't help me and I've been worrying ever since. Unfortunately clearing clutter is for me to do in my own time, and I think this is true of a lot of hoarders, if what I've read is true.

I'm no expert but I think if you're married to/partnered with a hoarder, it might help them to try and establish WHY they hoard. When my counsellor told me mine is linked to my Dad - it was like the curtains had been pulled open, and I can now start to tackle my hoarding issues.

I know that doesn't really help partners of hoarders, but I think a firm yet loving hand goes a long way. I can't help but wince when I read on forums or hear people say they just throw away things belonging to their children/partner if they feel like it. If you've ever had it done to you, it's such an upsetting and destablising experience.

blossomhill_2

Catriona_P, I think you are spot on
I think it may help if someone offered to help a hoarder prioritise what is important to them, rather than what is "rubbish"

So maybe you could take a bag of clothes to your sisters and ask her to help you decide which suit you best, rather than let her loose on your whole collection. Then from that bag you will know which are best, and the rest is up to you

Words can have a devastating effect. A couple of comments made to me, that really sank home, were from 2 separate people who both said at different times "you can spread yourself too thin" - they didn't poo-poo what I did, but it still hurt

So my priority is getting my house so it is good for my family's emotional well-being. Recycling every single thing would be spreading me too thin. I try not to post about how I get rid of stuff, as it's the fact of it going that I try to focus on, rather than the method, unless that method has been a LBM for me