Hoarding - A New Start

karren

lobbyludd wrote: »

I wanted to add my appreciation to all those who are tackling their issues on this thread: I definitely have hoarding tendencies, with an emotional attachment to "stuff". Thankfully it is not at the point where I need outside help, and I think I can deal with it via the decluttering thread, but your explorations of your journeys on here has provided me with some valuable insight into my own motivations. Hope you don't mind if I lurk and read and cheer you on silently



TBH, a quick search on the internet would probably furnish the answer to any query (find a legitimate source, not yahoo answers!). I too used to lecture and work in the field that I had my first degree in and never had any recourse to look at old notes - they are essentially useless other than as a means to remind me what I had to revise for my degree exams (this was biochem) everything I could need that was covered by that course is presented on the web in a far better, and more current, format than my scribbled notes.

I've done other shorter courses since, and again I don't keep the notes because things move on so they were only good at the time.

thank you for that, ive now been able to throw my lecture notes from nurse training in 1994-97 with clear conciouse xxxx

System

I think we've all got some sort of hoarding instinct within us. I know i certainly have but i am addressing the 'issues' as i go along.

One thing i do struggle with is other peoples stuff. Mainly stuff that belongs in the shed and not the house. Stuff gets bought up from the shed and doesnt get taken down again. Everything has to be within arms reach and it drives me up the wall.

Ive got a skateboard in my kitchen as well as a longboard (skateboard but much bigger). Son hasnt used the longboard since we bought him his new skateboard but doesnt want to get rid of it (fair enough), he doesnt want to use it (he prefers his skateboard) but doesnt want to store it in the shed either. Ive told him i will suffer it for another month then its definately going down the shed if he hasnt used it in that time.

karren

im so so proud after reading this and matter of a little mouse creeping into loft!

I now have clear loft apart from plastic boxes with cherished baby toys and clothes and the decs!!!!

airing coupboard is empty!!!

ive sorted my wardrobe
sons sorted his

hubby claims he has little clothes as it is without my help lol!

dd has loads but we did sort them before christmas and she needs to be there for me to sort!

im off this week so intend to do it room by room and par down whats here,
if its used keep
not used charity shop or give away (work in hospice so see the direct benefit of my cast offs being sold so dont feel too guilty)
and if no use recycle or throw!!!

i had huge issues keeping utter junk so yippee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Brighton_belle

sjprmc01 wrote: »

I have a thing about clothes and storing clothes I feel very very uneasy if they are not ironed before being put away and folded correctly etc

Is that feeling any less bad than the feeling of overwhelm you get from the ironing mountain? (i.e. I'm thinking lesser of 2 evils here) Or could you trial the 'hanging up non ironed' just for a week and see if it proved to be more bearable over time that your current system?

That way:

• you may find a better and bearable system for your self,
• you test the boundaries you think are stopping you from changing to see if they are really true
• if it really doesn't work better, you can make a choice to revert to how you do things now.. rather than defaulting to 'just how it is.'
• Making a choice is always more empowering.

wannabe_sybil wrote: »

I am working out what to do about a huge box of tape cassettes - you know with music on that you play in a cassette player. I don't think we have a working player in the house and we certainly haven't listened to these in around ten years. I am fighting the impulse to look through them. I want to just tip them into a bin bag and throw out, but what if I regret it? And shouldn't I speak to OH? And I could knit some extremely strong, extremely inflammable bags from the tape. I am working on this one.

I had this same dillemma a few years ago - it seemd such agony to throw them out, and yet I never listened to them. I checked that I was a able to get most of the 'important ones' on CD if I so wished and then chucked. They went back 30 yrs some of them. I've never missed them to this day and never gone on to buy the CD's.
As for knitting fireproof bags with them...I refer you to blossomhills excellent post number 259 made this morning.:D

Byatt

One of the many things the counsellor has helped me with, is realising a feeling can be a memory of a feeling. Relating to something in the past and nothing to do with the present. I react emotionally since my split from ex in a panicky, end of the world way to all threats as perceived by me, to take away something. Totally OTT, crying and doing things like constantly phoning someone who doesn't answer, and then spiralling out of control. Once I recognised this, and it's only recently, I can pull myself together and think that was then, it's not now, and I have been able to calm down, acknowldge the feeling and then let it go. It's stopped me having off the wall panicky feelings.

So what I'm trying to say is, to apply this to something like not being able to put something away without ironing it first, what are the feelings felt, go through the panic and the worst thta can happen scenario, and see if it relates to something else?

The saying feel the fear and do it anyway, is a cliche now, but I still think is apt for things that are "feeling" memories.

Not sure this makes sense.

Brighton_belle

Byatt wrote: »

One of the many things the counsellor has helped me with, is realising a feeling can be a memory of a feeling. Relating to something in the past and nothing to do with the present.

So what I'm trying to say is, to apply this to something like not being able to put something away without ironing it first, what are the feelings felt, go through the panic and the worst thta can happen scenario, and see if it relates to something else?

The saying feel the fear and do it anyway, is a cliche now, but I still think is apt for things that are "feeling" memories.

Not sure this makes sense.

This is sooo good Byatt and makes perfect sense and says it much better than I was clumsily trying to:T

Byatt

BB, thank you, but I didn't think you were clumsy at all :A. And it's credit to my counsellor, as "feeling past memories" have opened up a totally whole new world for me. I can go from hitting the roof to super calm in seconds now when I realise what I'm feeling is a memory. It's so simple and so amazing.

sjprmc01

The lesser of the two evils is the mountain as my cupboards and drawers have to be PERFECTLY (according to me) organised

Now it's out of general sight it's an even lesser evil

I have today ironed what I took off the clothes horse and a couple of bits from the bit of mountain I brought down the other day. I'm getting there.....slowly! I was in Asda late last night with a friend and almost bought a top in the sale for eldest DD as it had butterfly's on it and she loves butterflys but I PUT IT BACK. I haven't bought much at all for the kids in the sale (bar some welly socks for middle, school shirts and tights for eldest (which were needed) and a Barbour jacket and hat for eldest which to be fair she wasn't desperate for but it was half price and she likes them and it was next size up

Normally I'd have devoured the sales but I'm beginning to get there with the not seeing the point as they mainly live in school uniform. I do enjoy buying clothes though, it makes me feel good...........but then makes me feel bad when I can't cope with the clutter they cause/have nowhere to store them.

I don't know why I place so much significance on clothes and I know something being unironed or not perfectly clean or even non matching isn't going to kill someone but these are things I just don't feel comfortable at all with

This_Year

We've made some progress

I've said to OH that I really can't be living in chaos anymore and that this must be the year we get sorted. *cue dumstruck look*

Fair dos I agree the collectables he must keep in the house until sold, (nowhere else secure or dry enough, shed leaks) he wants to keep some for his collection so is going to whittle down what he wants to keep and continue to sell the rest - he's already selling some on ebay but had been rather lazy about listing the items, and only putting a few oddments up at a time, (you won't sell if it's not advertised, will you? :rotfl:)

I don't mind those boxes as much as I detest the boxes of junk!

We've agreed to dive down a couple of boxes a day and decide what we need to keep (as an example, I opened a box and dragged out an ashtray (we don't smoke) 2 brewery logo bar towels (may ebay these!) and a doggy's head glasses rest (dislike!) and he agreed these could go (along with the slipper from earlier!)

Small steps but he didn't panick and the sky didn't fall in

This_Year

Oh and every box we empty is going to be disassembled so it can't be refilled!