Hoarding - A New Start

whitewing

Jojo,

Any idea what shaped your mother into such a person. (I don't believe that people are born evil, my husband would possibly disagree on that).

Broomstick

This_Year wrote: »

My partner is a hoarder.
You're in my house. From the front door, look towards the stairs. That's them, behind the freezer. Which has boxes of "stuff" stacked on either side.

Just another thought from me. If your freezer is switched on have you allowed proper space around it not insulated by boxes? There are usually manufacturers guidelines about how much room you need to leave around electrical (and gas) appliances to allow them to operate efficiently and at safe temperatures.

B x

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

whitewing wrote: »

Jojo,

Any idea what shaped your mother into such a person. (I don't believe that people are born evil, my husband would possibly disagree on that).

Probably some sort of personality disorder if we're going to be generous about it.

She never really went without as a child. My grandparents weren't the smacking kind. No abuse, no bullying, no losses or bereavements in her memory. No real poverty until her soon to be ex husband died, as the money dried up. And she certainly never mourned him, she gave permission to turn off his life support system and then trotted off to the solicitor to halt divorce proceedings so she could claim a pension.

There is no genuine emotion displayed by her. Except for rage.

She was only ever interested in babies. Once another one came along or one started having an opinion of their own, she lost interest and they just made her angry instead through their stupidity, etc. When the babies stopped coming, she moved onto animals instead.

They failed to hold her attention once they grew up, but I grew up on the floor in the dirt with them, and seemed to understand them and their behaviour, so they kept me out of her way.

She was certainly abusing the next child down by the time the eldest was about three, as the eldest can remember it happening. And that was when she was in her twenties, married with free childcare every single day from both sets of parents, regular nights out, etc. And each time a new, shiny baby came along, the previous one was suddenly boring and just made her angry.


She's just plain mean. Always has been.

This_Year

blossomhill wrote: »

This Year - Are your children still living in the house? All I could see when I read your post was flammable boxes on fire exit routes ...

Part of my ongoing rant

This_Year

Broomstick wrote: »

Just another thought from me. If your freezer is switched on have you allowed proper space around it not insulated by boxes? There are usually manufacturers guidelines about how much room you need to leave around electrical (and gas) appliances to allow them to operate efficiently and at safe temperatures.

B x

Yes, it's just all piled around the sides of it.

GreyQueen

This_Year wrote: »

Part of my ongoing rant

Would it be possible to get a fire safety officer from the local fire brigade into your home to do a safety check?

I know that they do this from time to time. I was wondering if hearing it from an authority figure, perhaps with some graphic anecdotes about what can happen when a cluttered home catches fire, might just carry more weight than you alone?

Not that your feelings about it shouldn't carry enough weight in their own right, of course they should, but some people can take it more easily from the outside than from within the family.

I do know that fire officers are gravely-concerned about hoarded homes, have seen stuff in the media about fatal fires, ususally featuring the elderly, in what are found to be severely-hoarded homes. As well as being a fire risk, a cluttered home could be difficult or impossible to escape/ be rescued from.

I can recall reading about how even Christmas increases what is called the "fire loading" of a home; the extra paper, card, decs and the additional electricals like fairy lights etc. Imagine the "fire loading" of a homeful of cardboard boxes.

I was taught first aid years ago by a senior fire officer and the anecdotes about his working life life were, IMO, as valuable as the first aid we learned. After what he told me, I persuaded the parents to put a smoke alarm in their loft, a common seat for housefires with electrical problems being the point of ignition.

My parents' loft is stacked sideways to Sunday and the parents are getting to the point where it is getting harder to access it. I feel that I would like to assist them to declutter this in the next year of so as otherwise I or my brother (a hoarder too, and an auty-type) will be left with it.

It's difficult because persuading Mum to part with more than one or two items at a time (and I'm talking stuff unused for 30+ years btw not treasures) can lead to accusations of harrassment so I take any opportunity to help her get rid when she's minded. Even if it's only one or two bits and bobs.

It's a bit difficult as I live 30 miles away and have to rely on public transport and have a job plus health issues of my own. If she'd co-operate, I'd be very willing to book out annual leave and really crack on with it, but the impetus has to be hers.

Otherwise I can see a heckuva job awaiting me at some point in the next 15-20 years, and I won't be a spring chicken myself. Ach well, me and a few million others, eh?

VJsmum

This year - is there something in the boxes? Or are they just - boxes. is the stuff in them of any use, value or ornament?

What would happen if you just - got rid?

I would be seriously concerned about the fire risk as well as anything falling on someone.

There have been some posts about university notes and getting rid. Can I offer an "inside" view? I am a university lecturer and have been for 16 years. The content of my lectures now is vastly different to what it was 16 years ago and somewhat different to a couple of years ago. Things do change, theories develop, legislation and so forth that may make the content of less value than you might think.

Rather than spending hours scanning, it may be quicker and of more value to make notes (hand written or, better, on the PC) of the main headings. So, for example, i teach law, therefore I might organise notes thus

Contract - formation, terms and conditions, exclusion clauses, cases
Tort - principle, negligence, nuisance, etc, cases..

And so forth. That way it is easy to see the headings and then be able to look up latest theories or case law etc. Rather than trawling through pages of hand written notes looking for principles that may be out of date anyway.

HTH

blossomhill_2

You will always have a reason to keep an object - you need to find a better or several reasons to get rid of it


So you could repurpose that apple crate into a perfect little hedgehog house. One day :whistle: but

• your OH will leave you if you don't reduce the carp in the garage so they can park the car in there
• you know there are no hedgehogs in your immediate area
• it's easy to dispose of because it's just wooden slats that could be broken down and poked into a wheely bin anyway
• in the event that you ever saw a hedgie you could easily get another crate form the market
• you are not emotionally attached to it
• you've got better things to do with your time
• and something has got to go so it might as well be this crate!

lostinrates

This week......every day I am going to review ONE item from the cupboard ion the spare room.

Just one.

How easy will that be . However I'll I am I can do one. Mainly it will, I think, be rehousing on to our hanging rail till we move the cupboard on to the landing and use it for suits and evening wear (I think) but still needs to be done.

lobbyludd

I wanted to add my appreciation to all those who are tackling their issues on this thread: I definitely have hoarding tendencies, with an emotional attachment to "stuff". Thankfully it is not at the point where I need outside help, and I think I can deal with it via the decluttering thread, but your explorations of your journeys on here has provided me with some valuable insight into my own motivations. Hope you don't mind if I lurk and read and cheer you on silently

VJsmum wrote:

There have been some posts about university notes and getting rid. Can I offer an "inside" view? I am a university lecturer and have been for 16 years. The content of my lectures now is vastly different to what it was 16 years ago and somewhat different to a couple of years ago. Things do change, theories develop, legislation and so forth that may make the content of less value than you might think.

Rather than spending hours scanning, it may be quicker and of more value to make notes (hand written or, better, on the PC) of the main headings.HTH

TBH, a quick search on the internet would probably furnish the answer to any query (find a legitimate source, not yahoo answers!). I too used to lecture and work in the field that I had my first degree in and never had any recourse to look at old notes - they are essentially useless other than as a means to remind me what I had to revise for my degree exams (this was biochem) everything I could need that was covered by that course is presented on the web in a far better, and more current, format than my scribbled notes.

I've done other shorter courses since, and again I don't keep the notes because things move on so they were only good at the time.