Hoarding - A New Start

This_Year

Hello

GQ you may have a point about weight issues and hoarding! Both can be indicative of an emotional need.

Blossomhill, very true about it being a fine line between being an enabler and causing the hoarder to dig their heels in. Yesterday's mission resulted in a bag for the CS, but it was rummaged through last night and something's gone from it Just hope it's not that blimmin' doggy head! :eek:

OH has just gone to the post office with some ebay parcels and has taken the CS bag with him, maybe I should check his pockets when he get back in case he tries to sneak the donations back in the house! :rotfl:

suzitiger

Welcome Mumof2, you will find a lot of help and support on here :-)
Yes I often get angry/anxious with anyone trying to help clear my stuff, the same with my OH. But when we help each other, because we are both hoarders we can cope OK as we understand the attachment even though are hoarding issues are different.
Today I am trying to claim back the living room post Christmas. I am making some good progress. i want it to be nice for when the OH gets back from work. I am working on and off today but I have enough time to get things nice enough, and work on it more tomorrow. :-)
I have managed to get all the xmas stuff put away now too :-)

To help us keep on top of the kitchen I am taking one bit of recycling out everytime I leave the house or come back in. i have been doing this for two weeks now and its made a massive difference as things start piling up so quickly :-) I hope I'm not boring you all but I thought my small steps might help others.

Goldiegirl

blossomhill wrote: »

I have been thinking about men - down girl! :rotfl: I mean about whether they benefit as much from a forum, and whether they can see a CS as a suitable repository for their goods. Sexist maybe but there must be some differences otherwise why would the majority of posters here be women? Do men get as attached to things like child's first teddy, mum's sewing box?

With regard to men and forums, I think men use the internet in a different way. Women seem to be more interested in the social side of things, whereas men tend use the internet for finding out facts, playing games etc. When men do use forums, they are more likely to be combative keyboard warriors, rather than part of a supportive group. It's a generalisation, so any OS men, please don't be offended!

With regard to men and hoarding, I think they are equally likely to fall victim, but being men, they are less likely to be able to admit it, and talk about it. My husband is attached to certain things, which he won't part with - his childhood stamp and coin collections for example. I'll accept that, he put a lot of his childhood into that collection and it brings back memories for him. Also, he's got a certain amount of inertia. He's home tomorrow and I'd like to delve into his wardrobe to prune down his shirt collection, but I'll have a devil of a job to get him upstairs to help. I could do it myself, but it's his stuff, so he should have some input into it!

By the way, I've copied Catrona's 'guide to junk' into a word document for easy reference.

I put two jumpers into the charity bag this morning. I used to work at an office that was really cold in winter, and wore these two polo neck jumpers a lot. But after being made redundant, my new office is like an oven all the time, so I never need to wear these jumpers. If I go out, I prefer to wear layers and a scarf, so again no need for polo neck jumpers. I worked out the last time I wore the jumpers was Jan/Feb 2009, so it was 'safe' to let them go!

Inidently, 'safe' is a strange way to describe it. I'll have to ponder that one!

frizz2

HI ALL,

I am really pleased with myself as I had a really good tidy and sort out of my cupboards and drawers at work too! I have a massive box of paper that I can recycle and lots of stuff to take to the dump. I am really pleased I am making headway at work also. I could not see how untidy the files had become filled with old information I no longer need. I feel much better. I have sorted out my bags and resources and no loner feel the need to hoard items.
Having so much information and papers is stopping me being organised and move forward.
It is helping reading other people's posts to know I am not the only person who has difficulties keeping tidy and not keeping unnecessary things.
Tomorrow I have the day off so I am going to sort out the drawers in my bedroom and go to the dump once I have sorted through the clutter. I am going to sort my toiletries in my bathroom and do an inventory to see how much stuff I have and therefore what I need and do not need.
I am determined to change and be focused. If I get time I am also going to do one shelf in the bookcase under the stairs. Again it is full of files with stuff that might be useful or may ne useless, but I need to sort it out first.
Good luck!

hobbitfancier

Had a massive screaming match with my mum, am sat in my room shaking with rage. She came home and made the usual comment of how the house smells like sweaty shoes (she makes a point of claiming my feet smell .... i'm wearing a new pair of shoes and socks so....) she goes over to poke at my stuff (I was in town) asking if I had gotten a new jacket - before i could do anything she was screaming "it's my jacket! it's my jacket!" - i had sneaked the jacket (from the 90s) from her bulging hoard of clothes and hoped she wouldn't notice so there was a massive screaming match and now she's taken it back to put back, for it never to be worn as it hasn't been in 15 or so years.

I am so so upset and livid and this is so ridiculous, such a ridiculous unfair situation, she's now having a screaming argument with my Dad over it. I shouldn't have been stupid enough to leave it on the couch. i'm 24, I don't need this anxiety.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

hobbitfancier wrote: »

Had a massive screaming match with my mum, am sat in my room shaking with rage. She came home and made the usual comment of how the house smells like sweaty shoes (she makes a point of claiming my feet smell .... i'm wearing a new pair of shoes and socks so....) she goes over to poke at my stuff (I was in town) asking if I had gotten a new jacket - before i could do anything she was screaming "it's my jacket! it's my jacket!" - i had sneaked the jacket (from the 90s) from her bulging hoard of clothes and hoped she wouldn't notice so there was a massive screaming match and now she's taken it back to put back, for it never to be worn as it hasn't been in 15 or so years.

I am so so upset and livid and this is so ridiculous, such a ridiculous unfair situation, she's now having a screaming argument with my Dad over it. I shouldn't have been stupid enough to leave it on the couch. i'm 24, I don't need this anxiety.

Is there any way you could move out?

Get a house share?


I'm so sorry to say that she won't change. There's a good chance shell be accusing you of having stolen everything she can't find now, and demanding to inspect you before you leave the house.

Sorry. I know what that 'it's mine! It's mine!' screech sounds like.

Jo_anne_2

ostrichnomore wrote: »

Does anyone remember the TV programme The Life Laundry? All about decluttering and de-hoarding. Found one or two episodes on YouTube. This one - about inheriting a junk filled house - hits home. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4dHCq1iUI88

I think there were also books of the series (I think I've got one somewhere...)
A lot of it was about how to decide what to keep and what to throw.

Thanks for this link. I remember the Life Laundry and I think I have the book somewhere. I'll dig it out and hopefully get some inspiration!

GreyQueen

Hello and welcome in, Mumof2. Pull up a box and grab a cuppa, all are welcome.

Weeeelll, today didn't quite go as planned as the hardware store doesn't have what I need in respect of a toolbag but they're not the only show in town, so I shall ponder on.

I did have a problem with the existing toolkit itself. It's one of those absolutely-generic bluey-steel ones, you've all seen them I expect, with trays which cantilever out on each side.

Except one side doesn't move properly, making the whole thing a menace. Also, the space where I have to keep the toolbox is the bottom of a cupboard and the metal edge has caused damage to the inside of its door (freshly painted by me and Mr Doolux) which is vexacious. Because the cantilever bit is carp, the toolbox is difficult to use and I don't think anyone would want it as a donation.

Mentioned my plans to Mum this evening (she gave it to me about 15 years ago) and she's fine about me replacing it and has suggested putting it in the metal recycling part of the tip as we don't think a charity shop would thank us for the burden.

So, I feel blessed by that. It has also occured to me that many of the things I struggle with were given to me as a result of other people's decluttering. Doh! Talk about a LBM. And I anquish about shedding them because of........? This resonated with that Life Laundry episode whose linkie was on the previous page when Dawna tells the inheritor of the hoard that she doesn't have to be a custodian of somebody else's life.

Perhaps I should write that on a wall somewhere, loud and clear.

A small jug which I don't use more than once a year will go to the c.s. with the next drop-off bag.

I'm also swithering about the travel journal of a "trip of a lifetime" which I made in 10 years ago. And another one of a big trip from a few years later. I'd kept the notebooks I'd scribbled my travel journal in, plus papery souvenirs and was intending to make a kind of scrapbook/ journal thingy from them.

I finally after many years of procrastination turned my rough notes from the first trip into a Word doc and finished that in the summer. Thing is, I have got no further on with it and feel my heart sink when contemplating getting it all together.

I tell myself that if I do the journal, it'd only be of interest to me and I'm not particularly interested (I have the memories and some super photies in the album) so what's the point? Plus it'd take up shelf space and, as I mention frequently, my flat is very small.

If I de-clutter the aspiration of travel-journalling, I can dejunk the bulky notebooks, the knackered Rough Guide I was keeping to check spellings, the folder full of paper stuff like old tickets and brochures which I was going to scrapbook into it and have the intangible lightness of letting something go off my to-do list.

After all, it's better to build new memories than to keep clutching onto the mementos of old ones, I'm thinking.

Errmm, I've kind of been using this post to work things out. I'm just about ready to let this project go. Do you think I should?

Byatt

Oh Hobbit, how awful for you. Hugs. Can you, as Jo-Jo suggests, make plans to move out?

This_Year

hobbitfancier wrote: »

I am so so upset and livid and this is so ridiculous, such a ridiculous unfair situation, she's now having a screaming argument with my Dad over it. I shouldn't have been stupid enough to leave it on the couch. i'm 24, I don't need this anxiety.

So sorry you're going through this sort of hassle xx

GQ - let it go - you know you want to!