Will I get my money?

UsetheFORCE

UsetheFORCE wrote: »

Well, they should implement a system whereby the person most capable of providing for them has the children. If you can't pay towards your children, you shouldn't have them!!! It doesn't matter what she does for work, she should contribute!

You work for 16 hours for about £100, it costs you £70 in costs (you can probably still claim so much of this back), so what?, and stop sponging everything off other taxpayers! I am glad they are going to change the system, I do hope they get EVERYONE who can work looking for work and paying.

Sorry, just to clarify that wasn't aimed at AnxiousMum who I quoted, it was referring to my ex and any PWC who lives entirely on benefits.

labyrinth84

EclipsedMind wrote: »

I was an NRP - paid more than CSA amount for several years. No fuss no drama and always on time.

DD was being neglected - Social services were useless as it was below the threshold. School tried and failed to get intervention. GP referral helped but came very late.

Contact was disrupted by Ex and so I entered the court system. Two years from start to finish.

Proving neglect is hard as is proving bad parenting. Made harder by the lack of SS doing anything. It turned out during the court process that there had been more than 10 referrals to SS but none had gone over the threshold for action. Go figure. To be clear DD was slightly neglected and my Ex was deeply hostile and opposed to her seeing me. DD at age four was left alone in a car for half an hour and also left at home for similar amounts of time.

DD suffered emotional harm due to her mum and had behaviour issues as a result of it as well as not developing socially.

After the two years in court DD now lives with me i.e. I have a residence order and she spends a good amount of time with her mum. I spend more now than I paid in maintenance which surprised me but don't mind. DD is much happier and now is a bright well behaved girl.

Oddly my Ex has does not say anything about having less time with DD but complains strongly about not getting maintenance or CB now DD lives with me. She is of the opinion I should support her as she is DD's mum.

Having been on both sides of the equation I find I have a lot more understanding for how things are. As a result I urge everyone to try and stop being antagonistic and get along for the sake of the children.

EM

Children are not always better off with their mothers, and thankfully your daughter has the support of a caring father.

My partner did everything for his children, night feeds, bathing, playing, feeding as well as working so when they split he wanted the children with him. Unfortunately, the mother wouldn't let this happen. But judging by what the children say, they will probably live with us once they reach their teens. Its hard seeing them break their little hearts when we take them back home.


Wish you both all the best

clearingout

UsetheFORCE wrote: »

Sorry, just to clarify that wasn't aimed at AnxiousMum who I quoted, it was referring to my ex and any PWC who lives entirely on benefits.

what some people fail to realise is that a period on benefit is all that some PWC can manage, particularly when a relationship breaks down and they aren't working at that point. I did it for 2 years because I had only one days work a week and was pregnant when my ex left me (simply didn't come home one day, sent me an e-mail to let me know). It took me an awful long time to get to grips with what was happening and finding a way out of the mess. I was lucky - I am educated and had a long work experience to fall back on, good references and 'someting up my sleeve' in terms of my life ambitions. I was able to re-train in a year and thankfully find a job after that (although it's not a permanent job, I am covering maternity at present). I also didn't struggle with any kind of depression following my marriage breakdown and my personal 'make up' is such that I'll stick two fingers up at people like my ex before I let him have the rest of my life. I did, however, still find it very hard to re-think my life and how I was going to make the pieces of the jigsaw fit back together.

Unfortunately, as I said to wayne a few days ago, working your way out of benefits as a lone parent with several children and low salary prospects can be very difficult. At minimum wage and reliant on housing benefit to keep a roof over my head, the figures wouldn't add up for me. And that is the reality of life for many single parents. Rather than judge them for not working, it would be better to look at ways of supporting a PWC to improve their job prospects and find ways of avoiding childcare costs which are an enormous drain on earnings (even with tax credit support). It would also be helpful if this could be done in such a way as to tell the PWC that she is not 'bad' or 'stupid' or 'usless' as a mother for trying to juggle life as a single working parent.

All too often we are damned if we do and damned if we don't. I have lost count of the number of people who, one way or another, were happy to condemn me as a single parent on benefits and continue to be happy to condem me as a single working parent who has to have her children in childcare from 8am - 6pm. Moreover, as a single parent, I seem to have to accept near strangers, actual strangers and so called 'frfiends' having a say in my life in a way that they wouldn't have dared say anything when I had a wedding ring on my finger. The biggest hurdle for single parents to overcome is society and it's many negative opinions of us. In my experience, most of us mourn the loss of our relationships, re-group and get on with life pretty quickly. But that doesn't stop the world and his wife from saying to our faces that we are nothing but scum and should be ashamed of ourselves. So p*** off and take your negative, ill informed opinions elsewhere (not personal, just aimed generally!)!!!!!

labyrinth84

clearingout wrote: »

what some people fail to realise is that a period on benefit is all that some PWC can manage, particularly when a relationship breaks down and they aren't working at that point. I did it for 2 years because I had only one days work a week and was pregnant when my ex left me (simply didn't come home one day, sent me an e-mail to let me know). It took me an awful long time to get to grips with what was happening and finding a way out of the mess. I was lucky - I am educated and had a long work experience to fall back on, good references and 'someting up my sleeve' in terms of my life ambitions. I was able to re-train in a year and thankfully find a job after that (although it's not a permanent job, I am covering maternity at present). I also didn't struggle with any kind of depression following my marriage breakdown and my personal 'make up' is such that I'll stick two fingers up at people like my ex before I let him have the rest of my life. I did, however, still find it very hard to re-think my life and how I was going to make the pieces of the jigsaw fit back together.

Unfortunately, as I said to wayne a few days ago, working your way out of benefits as a lone parent with several children and low salary prospects can be very difficult. At minimum wage and reliant on housing benefit to keep a roof over my head, the figures wouldn't add up for me. And that is the reality of life for many single parents. Rather than judge them for not working, it would be better to look at ways of supporting a PWC to improve their job prospects and find ways of avoiding childcare costs which are an enormous drain on earnings (even with tax credit support). It would also be helpful if this could be done in such a way as to tell the PWC that she is not 'bad' or 'stupid' or 'usless' as a mother for trying to juggle life as a single working parent.

All too often we are damned if we do and damned if we don't. I have lost count of the number of people who, one way or another, were happy to condemn me as a single parent on benefits and continue to be happy to condem me as a single working parent who has to have her children in childcare from 8am - 6pm. Moreover, as a single parent, I seem to have to accept near strangers, actual strangers and so called 'frfiends' having a say in my life in a way that they wouldn't have dared say anything when I had a wedding ring on my finger. The biggest hurdle for single parents to overcome is society and it's many negative opinions of us. In my experience, most of us mourn the loss of our relationships, re-group and get on with life pretty quickly. But that doesn't stop the world and his wife from saying to our faces that we are nothing but scum and should be ashamed of ourselves. So p*** off and take your negative, ill informed opinions elsewhere (not personal, just aimed generally!)!!!!!

I definitely agree with alot of this too. More support should be given to working mothers! When I was a single parent, I was constantly judged for letting a nursery 'bring up my daughter' and the fees, even with help were expensive! Luckily, my wage was enough to justify it.

I think there is an imbalance; alot of help for unemployed mothers, and not enough for working mothers- so alot would choose to be unemployed over employed!

My gripe has never been stay-at-home mums, my gripe is stay-at-home mums who demand others make changes to employment to suit their stay-at-home life.

I'm not a fan of long-term benefit claimers, but I think every mother should have the opportunity to stay at home with their children until they reach school age should she wish to. I also think jobs should have more flexibilty with working hours to help mums find a perfect balance of family and work, and wages should be considerably more than benefits to discourage long-term unemployment and to provide an incentive to work.

You mentioned in an earlier post that most of your time not working was during Maternity Leave- a time that EVERY mother is entitled to have at home with their new child, and you are studying to further your career- I don't think for one second your situation is what would gripe alot of people.

kevin137

labyrinth84 wrote: »

wages should be considerably more than benefits to discourage long-term unemployment and to provide an incentive to work.

And you have hit the nail on the head with this comment...!!!

Who pays for it...???

Employers pay the smallest amount they can get away with for the job they employ for keeping in the legal minimums....

That is never going to change...!

So to make it beneficial to people to go back to work, you are left with only one choice... CUT BENEFITS...!

labyrinth84

kevin137 wrote: »

And you have hit the nail on the head with this comment...!!!

Who pays for it...???

Employers pay the smallest amount they can get away with for the job they employ for keeping in the legal minimums....

That is never going to change...!

So to make it beneficial to people to go back to work, you are left with only one choice... CUT BENEFITS...!

It's a hard one Kevin, because there are nearly always children involved. They should not be made to suffer because their parent doesn't wish to/can't work. And not all single mothers have a choice...childcare, especially if you have more than 1 child could leave a working mum with next to zero wage.

I think benefits being paid in vouchers could be more effective; their gas/electric paid on a meter for them. Voucher for food shopping, and clothing. Which would then leave some money for extras but ensures everything is pre-paid so being spent on the correct things, and no debt incurring! The amount of people who have rent-arrears yet claim housing benefit is ridiculous, for example.

I don't believe throwing the equivalent of a wage in money at benefit claimers is ever going to get them wanting to work.

If benefits were paid in vouchers, they would be upset that their choice of what to spend it on had been taken away...then would want to work for more freedom over their 'money'

clearingout

the voucher thing is ridiculous and impossible to 'police'. Someone living in a three bed detached house who likes a tropical climate will use a lot more gas and electric than someone in a one bed flat with neighbours on both sides, up and under who was a penguin in a former life. And that's an obvious example, there must be thousands of variations of what individual families consider important for them but which may be entirely superfluous to their next door neighbhours.

We live in a civilised society and we don't see our citizens on the streets or without cash in their pockets. Demanding to know how people spend that money, putting limits on it goes way beyond the basic 'human right' concept, not least because of the type of variable I mention above.

I kept a car on benefits. I struggled to do it but I juggled and juggled the money I had. The heating was at rock bottom, I made everything we ate from scratch (including most of our bread) and I didn't buy myself an item of clothing for the whole time I was on benefits because I had plenty in the wardrobe. Never went out, never had a bottle of wine, no take-away or anything at all unless it was necessary. The kids clothes and many of their toys came from car boots. I stopped any kind of hobby that I had 'cos I couldn't afford it. With three children, travelling on public transport is expensive and a huge hassle. Who the hell are you (general 'you') to tell me what to do with the money I have if I can manage it to the nth degree so that there is enough to put petrol in the car and manage the insurance and road tax?

The other issue of course is that poverty is so difficult to get out of. I can walk to the nearest supermarket but it's Sainsbury's so it's expensive. I have Asda, Aldi, Lidl and Morrisons within a few miles, but not near enough to walk. Can you imagine having to do that on the bus, with three children, and actually being able to carry all that food for the week (because I am pretty sure I wouldn't be 'allowed' two trips a week to the same place). With the car, I can take advantage of bogofs, offers on bulk items (loo paper, washing powder...). It is the pennies that you save in these situations that help keep the car going.

No way on earth do I accept that I should have vouchers to pay for everything whilst on benefits - it wouldn't suit my family's needs, it wouldn't take into account how I shop, use my home and local facilities. If the Government says I need £X to live on then that's how it is. I can manage that money to suit my family and if I can't then it's my family that will suffer, isn't it? That's called being an adult and taking responsibility. If you try to micro-manage the life of adults they will never learn how to manage, will they?

kevin137

And my G/F walks with shopping and 2 kids and the nearest store is a mile away and has to deal with snow and ice and -20 temperatures...

And you don't get the luxury of a nice decent car and claiming benefits here...

I moved in, and she still walks shopping sometimes, not as often, but she does it... So that i have to say is a crock of sh*t, and so you understand, we don;t have buses come to where we live, well not close, the nearest one is half a mile, and they run once an hour...

Vouchers are a good idea...! I like the idea of vouchers.. Don't they use them in america...? Sod human rights, you have the right to food, well here you go, you can get some...! If you could not use them on sweets, crisps, chocolate, alcohol and cigarettes i would be happy as well...!

clearingout

kevin137 wrote: »

And my G/F walks with shopping and 2 kids and the nearest store is a mile away and has to deal with snow and ice and -20 temperatures...

And you don't get the luxury of a nice decent car and claiming benefits here...

I moved in, and she still walks shopping sometimes, not as often, but she does it... So that i have to say is a crock of sh*t, and so you understand, we don;t have buses come to where we live, well not close, the nearest one is half a mile, and they run once an hour...

Vouchers are a good idea...! I like the idea of vouchers.. Don't they use them in america...? Sod human rights, you have the right to food, well here you go, you can get some...! If you could not use them on sweets, crisps, chocolate, alcohol and cigarettes i would be happy as well...!

we'll have to agree to differ, Kevin. Yes, they do use vouchers in America and the welfare stories that come from there are terrible. We shouldn't ever aspire to be like them.

clearingout

oh and buses aren't great here either. Not sure they're good anywhere outwith the major urban centres in the UK.