Will I get my money?

galangm8

DUTR wrote: »

I don't have contact because I pay the absent doner fee 15%

Can you give a good reason why I should have contact?
because as yet nobody I know has been able to give a valid case :cool:

...because you will (or should) feel a great strength of love for your own flesh and blood. Love = what life is all about, then you die.

or

You may not feel any love because you gave your child away to someone who does not mean a thing to you

or

You may just have mental problems, hope not.

DUTR

galangm8 wrote: »

...because you will (or should) feel a great strength of love for your own flesh and blood. Love = what life is all about, then you die.

or

You may not feel any love because you gave your child away to someone who does not mean a thing to you

or

You may just have mental problems, hope not.

As I mentioned originally , no one has given a reason why I should?

Love is something you give to recieve, if you ain't recieving it, then there is no need to 'hang around' in that enviroment (no ifs and or buts).
I don't complain about paying my dues, but some people are hurting in exchange for 'bragging rights'
Bullying of any kind is never acceptable (whichever way it is dressed up, so I shouldn't feel a certain way to suit others )

So let me ask again, why should I ? Not how does it suit others?

labyrinth84

shoe*diva79 wrote: »

But you can change your current circumstances to have a nicer house, nicer car, nicer social life, nicer holiday.... Your just choosing not to.

But thats just YOUR situation.

With the greatest respect, I think you need to get into the real world. We are not in a society that leaves it solely to the man to provide. Us mothers have a 50/50 responsibility to do the same!

''You're just choosing not to''... yes, I could have my nice car back, my annual holiday, my duplex apartment, weekly nights out. Would that come by telling my partner to ditch building a business and get a 9-5 at tesco or someplace? No.

I could chose to ditch my partner in favour for a man with a well established business, have children, leave and base my career on watching out for every extra penny/bonus/rise he gets because I'll suddenly have an 'entitlement' to a percentage of everything he gets. But my child, and any future children are not a bank account.

I could chose to finish my studies that would increase my income by 10k at least upon graduation, which would mean me going on to state benefits for the next 3years, and as my partner could not solely support me, he'd jack in his job too so we'd be another
claiming, dependant family. And as for CM payments- flat rate!

I could chose to get my partner to put his earnings in my name, I do the work too afterall. And all his earnings would be protected. But that would just be spiteful.

I don't 'chose' any of the above because it is not right. For anyone. I am not of the belief that I was born with a right to be kept- government or man!

My main gripe has been that I don't think it is right that benefits are protected for the PWC, but not protected for another PWC/NRPP! If those benefits are untouched because they are needed so much, then where is the fairness in deducting someone elses?

I pay for the unemployed, the CSA and benefits through my taxs.... just leave my child's tax credit alone!!!

We are never going to have the same view, you're a PWC who believes it is your choice to work or not, and that NRP should support you whatever your decision, and if he doesn't earn enough then he best get another job... I'm a PWC/NRPP who believes I as a mother I'm as responsible for financially supporting my child, and that does not include drawing JSA out of the bank. I also do not believe that as a mother we have a right to live how we like, at the expense of others.

Good luck with your studies!

UsetheFORCE

AnxiousMum wrote: »

They obviously are that easy though - as when you split, your ex got the child right? Yes, she should contribute towards the upkeep of the child - and for whatever reason, her only means of doing that at the moment is by benefits. I don't know her, her qualifications, her work experience. But basically, if she has no education, no qualifications - what work is she going to find that will allow her to pay childcare as well as provide for her child properly? And.....whatever her income level, she could be on £500K per year, you'd still be liable for your contribution of child support.

Well, they should implement a system whereby the person most capable of providing for them has the children. If you can't pay towards your children, you shouldn't have them!!! It doesn't matter what she does for work, she should contribute!

You work for 16 hours for about £100, it costs you £70 in costs (you can probably still claim so much of this back), so what?, and stop sponging everything off other taxpayers! I am glad they are going to change the system, I do hope they get EVERYONE who can work looking for work and paying.

labyrinth84

UsetheFORCE wrote: »

Well, they should implement a system whereby the person most capable of providing for them has the children. If you can't pay towards your children, you shouldn't have them!!! It doesn't matter what she does for work, she should contribute!

You work for 16 hours for about £100, it costs you £70 in costs (you can probably still claim so much of this back), so what?, and stop sponging everything off other taxpayers! I am glad they are going to change the system, I do hope they get EVERYONE who can work looking for work and paying.

Best post I've read so far.

We could easily provide a comfortable home for my partners children, give them a far better upbringing than their mother... current circumstances (fuel costs of £90 per weekend to collect them and CM payments, and extras) would make this seem impossible but it would not cost as much if they were living with us!

And they would benefit far better living with the parent that could (without those costs) provide for them rather than the costly CM payments that go on drugs, alcohol and River Island clothing... and before anyone pipes up and says CM payments are for the mother to spend- not on that, whether its bought via the CM payments OR unemployment benefits!

shoe*diva79

labyrinth84 wrote: »

Best post I've read so far.

We could easily provide a comfortable home for my partners children, give them a far better upbringing than their mother... current circumstances (fuel costs of £90 per weekend to collect them and CM payments, and extras) would make this seem impossible but it would not cost as much if they were living with us!

And they would benefit far better living with the parent that could (without those costs) provide for them rather than the costly CM payments that go on drugs, alcohol and River Island clothing... and before anyone pipes up and says CM payments are for the mother to spend- not on that, whether its bought via the CM payments OR unemployment benefits!

If, in your case, the children are being neglected, as you describe above, then I hope you have the relevent authorities involved.

labyrinth84

shoe*diva79 wrote: »

If, in your case, the children are being neglected, as you describe above, then I hope you have the relevent authorities involved.

For all her faults, I wouldn't say the children are neglected. One child is obsese through a diet of fast food, and the other does not eat much of anything. I know Child Protection now keep an eye on childrens weights through schools so I'm sure this will flag up.

I do however, have concerns over her driving under the influence. But I am unable to prove she does this in the daytime, or just at weekends and I certainly don't want to turn it into a tit-for-tat.

The children would be better here as far as proper diets, activities- time spent with them, and not being used as emotional pawns.

I suppose we could all go on about how we are better mothers

We would very much like the children to live with us though! I'd give them anything before I spent on myself

labyrinth84

shoe*diva79 wrote: »

If, in your case, the children are being neglected, as you describe above, then I hope you have the relevent authorities involved.

Plus, as I think we've spoken about before- we have been sorting extras; clothes, shoes, coats etc.

I am worried that should we be unable to continue doing so, that they wouldn't be getting the things they need... an obese boy in clothes too small is no good for his development and confidence!

Respect to the PWC who sort their kids before themselves!

EclipsedMind

I was an NRP - paid more than CSA amount for several years. No fuss no drama and always on time.

DD was being neglected - Social services were useless as it was below the threshold. School tried and failed to get intervention. GP referral helped but came very late.

Contact was disrupted by Ex and so I entered the court system. Two years from start to finish.

Proving neglect is hard as is proving bad parenting. Made harder by the lack of SS doing anything. It turned out during the court process that there had been more than 10 referrals to SS but none had gone over the threshold for action. Go figure. To be clear DD was slightly neglected and my Ex was deeply hostile and opposed to her seeing me. DD at age four was left alone in a car for half an hour and also left at home for similar amounts of time.

DD suffered emotional harm due to her mum and had behaviour issues as a result of it as well as not developing socially.

After the two years in court DD now lives with me i.e. I have a residence order and she spends a good amount of time with her mum. I spend more now than I paid in maintenance which surprised me but don't mind. DD is much happier and now is a bright well behaved girl.

Oddly my Ex has does not say anything about having less time with DD but complains strongly about not getting maintenance or CB now DD lives with me. She is of the opinion I should support her as she is DD's mum.

Having been on both sides of the equation I find I have a lot more understanding for how things are. As a result I urge everyone to try and stop being antagonistic and get along for the sake of the children.

EM

kevin137

Does your ex work and pay CS...?