Will I get my money?

AnxiousMum

shoe*diva79 wrote: »

Can I jus ask, if you have your son while your ex works, how will you have a income? Will you rely on benefits? tax credits to pay for childcare? Or you earn enough to pay all of tour current outgoings, plus the thousands in childcare?

Assuming your son is of a age that requires childcare and not a teenager!

he would have child support from the ex as well, as surely, she would be then able to go out and work? A father DOES have the ability to have their child resident as well, and it's the child's RIGHT to be able to live with either parent.

shoe*diva79

UsetheFORCE wrote: »

I can work at leisure, so primarily school time, my partner or family if needed.

Lucky you have that option

shoe*diva79

AnxiousMum wrote: »

he would have child support from the ex as well, as surely, she would be then able to go out and work? A father DOES have the ability to have their child resident as well, and it's the child's RIGHT to be able to live with either parent.

Totally agree. I only asked as he was slating his ex for not working and relying on he state. Just wondered how he would cope financially if he boot was on the other foot.

AnxiousMum

My eldest is 23 years old now....and my youngest is 10.....I have ALWAYS worked, and ALWAYS since the 23 year old was born, been able to find work that worked around my children. Even now, I work full time hours, from home, and am able to drop off/pick up younger one from school, am here when the three younger ones get home from school etc. It is possible, sometimes hard, but possible. The most in childcare I have paid in the last ten years is £2 per day for breakfast club at school.

UsetheFORCE

AnxiousMum wrote: »

But before the CSA, the court was there to ensure children's needs were met by BOTH parents.

When you split with your ex - and you are named as a parent with parental rights - why did you not take your son then? You had as much right a she did right?

In most countries, if a PWC is on benefits, the government also goes after support from the NRP. Why shouldn't they recuperate the costs so that families who chose to stop at one or two children as that's what they can afford, aren't having to work to pay taxes to provide for children they didn't choose to have? Makes sense.... They don't however, do that here in the UK anymore! They add the benefits on, making it near impossible for a woman who has taken time out of their career to have children, to get back in at a salary that makes it worth their while after paying childcare. You on the other hand, probably haven't had to take a break of any length due to raising a small baby?

I guess if you want your child parented by two working parents though - you seek a partner initially who is willing to work and contribute to the family pot.

Like things are that easy, I am now 350 miles away because of the CSA and my ex ensuring the CSA put me out of a relatively well paid job where she lives, almost costing me the roof over my head...

My ex should contribute towards the upkeep of our son, not just me.... bear in mind...I am certain she wouldn't earn the 18k+ net she gets now....

AnxiousMum

UsetheFORCE wrote: »

Like things are that easy, I am now 350 miles away because of the CSA and my ex ensuring the CSA put me out of a relatively well paid job where she lives, almost costing me the roof over my head...

My ex should contribute towards the upkeep of our son, not just me.... bear in mind...I am certain she wouldn't earn the 18k+ net she gets now....

They obviously are that easy though - as when you split, your ex got the child right? Yes, she should contribute towards the upkeep of the child - and for whatever reason, her only means of doing that at the moment is by benefits. I don't know her, her qualifications, her work experience. But basically, if she has no education, no qualifications - what work is she going to find that will allow her to pay childcare as well as provide for her child properly? And.....whatever her income level, she could be on £500K per year, you'd still be liable for your contribution of child support.

shoe*diva79

AnxiousMum wrote: »

My eldest is 23 years old now....and my youngest is 10.....I have ALWAYS worked, and ALWAYS since the 23 year old was born, been able to find work that worked around my children. Even now, I work full time hours, from home, and am able to drop off/pick up younger one from school, am here when the three younger ones get home from school etc. It is possible, sometimes hard, but possible. The most in childcare I have paid in the last ten years is £2 per day for breakfast club at school.

My youngest is 2. No school for her, or for me to work around. No family to rely on. For me to work she will have to go into a nursery. What work do you do from home as believe me, I have looked and bar beecoming a sex telephone operater there isnt anything that pays a full time wage!

AnxiousMum

shoe*diva79 wrote: »

My youngest is 2. No school for her, or for me to work around. No family to rely on. For me to work she will have to go into a nursery. What work do you do from home as believe me, I have looked and bar beecoming a sex telephone operater there isnt anything that pays a full time wage!

LOL - When my youngest was little - I did cake decorating out of my kitchen, created crafts etc. and did craft fairs - so was basically self employed (easier when remarried!) When he entered pre-school for the 2-1/2 hrs per day - I literally looked on the jobcentre website at just the right time, and found a job selling things into schools, working from home. Once a term I have to go to head office for a couple of nights, but that's the only time when I'm not available for the kids. I choose to stay there those nights because I can, but would commute back and forth if I was on my own. It's three times per year.

When youngest was approaching preschool age - I made sure I looked around to see what was available, and this one came up about a year before he was starting - but figured it was worth the balancing act for a year. If I had meetings at schools etc., I would swap babysitting with a neighbour - and repay her with babysitting in the evenings when she wanted to go out partying.

shoe*diva79

You have been very lucky.

Bar the 2 years I have been out of work now ( 1.5 years on mat leve/SAHM and 5 months as a single mum) I have always worked full time. Right from when I was 16. I have built up a career which with a bit of luck, next week Ill be back into. Yes, ill still be entitled to state help with childcare and a bit of rent, but as the smallest one gets older the childcare costs will decrease and im sure you will agree, its better tonbe employed in something then not at all.

It does grate on me how PWC all get tarred with the same brush. I know some are lazy and greedy, but I think they are in the minority. Most do want to work, but being a single parent is hard and the balancing act of it all at times stressful.

AnxiousMum

I think the whole 'system' here makes it hard for any parent in a broken relationship with children. I'm glad mine was all sorted in the Canadian courts system, and still runs to this day - my second eldest in University - still eligible for child support as he's still dependent. It means he can concentrate on his degree rather than working and neglecting his degree - and this is in place, as we set up a university fund when he was born, and this shows the 'intent' of us sending him to university. So his dad still pays child support for him, and, yes, even I contribute out of my pay towards him as well - as well as the keeping a room for him in the house for the 20 or so weeks he is home (and works part time during that time). I'm glad for the Canadian system - it actually works.