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If your husband had exchanged 62 texts with another woman...
poorlittlefish
Posts: 346 Forumite
...wouldn't that make you suspicious? He also made 3 long phone calls to this woman (over Christmas) and, when he said he was going to church at 4pm, he didn't arrive home until nearly midnight. It turned out that whether he really did go to church or not, he was with her.
We have had issues before with him cheating and being deceitful and I had told him that lying and leaving me to find out the truth later is much more hurtful than being honest and talking to me up front. Today he had calls to his phone when we were out together but, unusually for him, he didn't answer them. I asked who might have been calling and he was evasive, so I said I'd like to know.
When I looked at the call log, I saw numbers unlinked to names, but further down I saw a whole string of texts and calls to a particular woman, plus a further call to another woman with a similar name but a different number.
I asked who the woman was and he said she was "just a friend". He couldn't explain why he'd not thought to mention her at any point, nor why he'd lied about going to church. It transpires now that she is actually an ex-girlfriend. Text messages from me, friends and even spam messages were still in his in-box, but all 62 texts between him and this ex-girlfriend had been deleted, further leading me to feel I had reason to be suspicious. He wonders why I am annoyed that he's been in frequent contact with an ex behind my back, after everything else he's put me through!
This really is the final straw, so I have decided to divorce him. Has anyone tried one of the online services?
We have had issues before with him cheating and being deceitful and I had told him that lying and leaving me to find out the truth later is much more hurtful than being honest and talking to me up front. Today he had calls to his phone when we were out together but, unusually for him, he didn't answer them. I asked who might have been calling and he was evasive, so I said I'd like to know.
When I looked at the call log, I saw numbers unlinked to names, but further down I saw a whole string of texts and calls to a particular woman, plus a further call to another woman with a similar name but a different number.
I asked who the woman was and he said she was "just a friend". He couldn't explain why he'd not thought to mention her at any point, nor why he'd lied about going to church. It transpires now that she is actually an ex-girlfriend. Text messages from me, friends and even spam messages were still in his in-box, but all 62 texts between him and this ex-girlfriend had been deleted, further leading me to feel I had reason to be suspicious. He wonders why I am annoyed that he's been in frequent contact with an ex behind my back, after everything else he's put me through!
This really is the final straw, so I have decided to divorce him. Has anyone tried one of the online services?
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Comments
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62 texts and a few long phone calls on their own? No, not really.
However, given the fact he's cheated in the past and has a history of being deceitful I can understand why in this case it might make someone suspicious.0 -
poorlittlefish wrote: »...wouldn't that make you suspicious?
It wouldn't make me suspicious, but then I've not got the background history which you then go on to mention.
when he said he was going to church at 4pm, he didn't arrive home until nearly midnight. It turned out that whether he really did go to church or not, he was with her.
I'm pretty sure this would though!
This really is the final straw, so I have decided to divorce him. Has anyone tried one of the online services?
If this last part is your question, I would maybe delete the stuff before it, just because if you leave it on, people are more likely to quote and answer on that, rather than your online divorce question (if you see what I mean).
hopefully someone will be along who has advice on the online divorce, but I'm sure solicitors offer a free half hour anyway, I'd take that regardless.Forty and fabulous, well that's what my cards say....0 -
He's cheated in the past, he lied about where he was and is expecting you to accept that he was at church....for nine hours and he's sent over 60 texts to one woman?
If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and is tasty with orange sauce then....
I don't know about online services, but it certainly sounds as though you're making the right choice!“Don't do it! Stay away from your potential. You'll mess it up, it's potential, leave it. Anyway, it's like your bank balance - you always have a lot less than you think.”
― Dylan Moran0 -
Welshwoofs wrote: »If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and is tasty with orange sauce then....
Love it! :rotfl:Forty and fabulous, well that's what my cards say....0 -
Well, if he isn't cheating again, what other explanation for all this could there possibly be?Some days I wake up Grumpy ... Other days I let him lie in.0
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Well, if he isn't cheating again, what other explanation for all this could there possibly be?
I'm not sure the OP is after the other possibilities, though I may be wrong. I think her post is a bit long winded but basically wants to know if anyone has and advice on the online divorce option.
For what it's worth though, my thoughts are the same as yours.
EDITED TO ADD - I LOVE your signature!Forty and fabulous, well that's what my cards say....0 -
He has an ex girlfriend, hopefully he will soon have an ex wife too!
Well done in waking up and smelling the coffee OP - and good luck with the next chapter of your life.Some days you're the dog..... most days you're the tree!
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You need to calm down before you make any decisions, your choice may well be the same but at least it will be a reasoned one.Life is short, smile while you still have teeth0
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You're upset (rightly so), but decisions made in the heat of the moment are rarely good ones. By all means tell him it's over, tell him you want a divorce, but then take a deep breath and cool it for a week. You might be in a better state of mind then to decide how best to go about it. There's loads of places to get advice, find out what help you can get. I'd recommend going and talking to a solicitor - a one off session doesn't mean a commitment to them, and doesn't have to be expensive. Perhaps doing this before you tell your OH you want a divorce might be an idea too, in case the reality of it changes your mind.
Good luck with it all.0 -
It doesn't look good. If it was innocent he wouldn't need to lie about seeing her. So sorry OP
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