People who never say thank you?

notanewuser

DH has a large family. At the moment we have 2 nieces - there are another 3 due in the first half of next year. So our present budget will be sky rocketing with births, christenings, plus birthdays and Xmas.

I always buy thoughtful and useful gifts. If she's lucky, they will sometimes remember DD, although she's been given some very inappropriate stuff in the past (my favourite being a newborn baby's rattle for her 2nd birthday). Regardless, every gift she's ever had has been thanked with a proper personal thank you card. I'm yet to receive a thank you from any of DH's relatives for anything we've bought them or their children. Not verbal, not texted, and certainly no cards.

We drive the 280 miles to see DH's family in early December (date had been arranged for at least 2 months) and took gifts for all (token for the adults, proper presents for the children). DD got nothing. We won't see them until February now, by which point it will be a bit late. I'm cross that I put in the effort (again) and they couldn't be bothered to even see DD right (again).

It makes them appear very ungrateful to me, and makes me less inclined to bother in future.

Is it really so hard to say "thank you"? :mad:

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow

Tell your dh to sort his own familys gifts out and make him do all the driving and gift exchanging arrangemennts. That way you won't feel quite so put out.

Mojisola

notanewuser wrote: »

DH has a large family. At the moment we have 2 nieces - there are another 3 due in the first half of next year. So our present budget will be sky rocketing with births, christenings, plus birthdays and Xmas.

It makes them appear very ungrateful to me, and makes me less inclined to bother in future.

Why do you make so much effort when they obviously don't care?

Did any of them give presents when your daughter was born, christened, for birthdays and Xmas? If not, why keep doing it?

hawkster

I had a similar problem with my family...I stopped buying presents for my nieces and nephews last year, (told my brother and sister don't buy for mine and I won't buy for your's) and spent the extra money on my own three children..problem solved

victory

If you knew there would be no thank you's why did you do it.
My kids know if someone has thought about them, taken the time and trouble not to mention their hard earns money spent on them the very least they can do is acknowledge all of that with a thank you letter.
If they didn't they know I would personally make sure they never got another present!

lady1964

I used to buy for my brother's 4 kids, normally a voucher but carefully chosen ones as we rarely see them and have no idea what they were into and brother, his (now) ex and us didn't keep in touch regularly.

We never even got any acknowledgment they'd received them, even if I gave the cards/vouchers to my mum to pass on, nothing at all from them. We rarely got a xmas or birthday card, my kids rarely got anything for birthdays or xmas, but when they did, they sent a thank you note. Funnily enough, my youngest was 18 a few weeks ago and a week later, got a card from my brother and kids, my kids also got a xmas card from them, but OH & I didn't get a mention or a card....

After a few years of nothing at all from my brother, I gave up sending anything. I used to moan to OH about their rudeness and their lack of even acknowledging they'd received anything, never mind a thank you for their gift. It's so rude not to message or send a thank you so I simply stopped at Xmas last year. I do feel a bit guilty but at least 2 of his kids are old enough to phone or send a text to say 'thanks'.

lindseykim13

I also have this problem with my DH's family (also large) i have never once forgoton a birthday or xmas to any of my nephews. However we have 3 kids and every year at least one of them is completley forgotton about. Not even a rare thing, every single year without fail and all family live within walking distance and seen on a regular basis so really no excuse for it.
This year my dd was remembered by everyone for a change although late for the first time ever she's 3. So took them 3yrs to get it right, then my 8yr old ds was forgotton by 1 uncle/aunty, the other was a week late. My oldest ds was missed altogether.
Like i say every year without fail and then trying to explain to one of the kids why their brother/sister got something and they didn't is the hardest thing.
I've learnt to accept that it's not the kids fault so i still buy something small for all of my nephews and make sure they get their things on time. I refuse to behave how they all do and not take it out on my nephews.

mrcow

Just get your husband to tell them that you're not "doing" gifts anymore.

With any luck, he'll be a typical bloke and tell them exactly why as well.

LTP123

We've had this again this year. Husbands family barely acknowledge daughter and the gifts are a joke. DH's brother has had his own child and still doesnt bother to buy DD anything. Not even a card. We only live about a mile away and they still don't keep in touch. DH isn't given a thought but insists we keep in touch. If he didn't call they wouldn't bother.

You, like me, need to ask yourself if you care enough to bother next year. I certainly don't think I will be. Like someone above, spend it on your own.

My DD is cripplingly shy but even she knows we always say Thankyou, even if she can only manage it on the phone.

notanewuser

Mojisola wrote: »

Why do you make so much effort when they obviously don't care?

Did any of them give presents when your daughter was born, christened, for birthdays and Xmas? If not, why keep doing it?

She usually gets clothes (in completely wrong sizes). DD is 26 months (but still in 18-24 month clothes). My nieces are 18 months and 15 months, so it's not like they aren't in the same sorts of clothes!!

We had a naming for DD on her 2nd birthday. She got 1 present from each of DH's brothers' families - and certainly not for 2 occasions IYSWIM. My nieces had separate christenings, so extra gifts and visits for them.

To be honest, I'm not even passing on DD's stuff anymore. They all earn good money and are so blimmin' ungrateful that its not worth the effort.

Mojisola

notanewuser wrote: »

To be honest, I'm not even passing on DD's stuff anymore. They all earn good money and are so blimmin' ungrateful that its not worth the effort.

mrcow wrote: »

Just get your husband to tell them that you're not "doing" gifts anymore.

Follow this good advice and it will never make you cross again!