People who never say thank you?

notanewuser

Mrs.W wrote: »

Why torture yourself with this fuss?

According to the Free Dictionary...
Gift (gft)n.1. Something that is bestowed voluntarily and without compensation.

Talk with brothers and sisters to agree/scotch gift giving before the date if you are at all in doubt, but don't think appropriate gift giving followed by thank you cards is obligatory simply because that's your take on the issue.

If I am not able to meet with someone within the week a gift is received to thank them in person for being so thoughtful, I'll phone them. There are particular people I know who'll expect a thank you card every time.

About a third of them can go whistle because I'm not about to be insincere on paper just to make them feel social obligations have been met.

But you make sure you say thank you, which is all
I expect. I don't expect a card, a carrier pigeon or a telegram from the queen. A text or phone call would be absolutely fine.

OrkneyStar

Maybe they cannot afford it?
Maybe they are saying 'why does she keep buying us presents when we never buy any back?'
Perhaps just stop buying them, do cards only, perhaps mark a first birthday, 13th, 16th etc only?
I agree it is polite to say thanks, but would not be giving on the basis of whether I got a thank you card or not.

aliama

notanewuser wrote: »

She usually gets clothes (in completely wrong sizes). DD is 26 months (but still in 18-24 month clothes). My nieces are 18 months and 15 months, so it's not like they aren't in the same sorts of clothes!!

Just a thought, but by this do you mean that they usually buy clothes that are too big? This may not necessarily be down to thoughtlessness.

They could be erring on the side of caution and picking something that your daughter will grow into, rather than risk buying something that's too small. Something that fits her now will also likely get less wear.

And perhaps they're also assuming that you have plenty of clothes for the size your daughter is now, and that perhaps you will be more in need of clothes for when she's a bit older.

For those reasons my husband and I almost never buy clothes in the child's current side, and maybe they're thinking the same way.

Just playing devil's advocate.

ms_london

I've decided to not to presents next year for a few people after not receiving a thanks or even acknowledgement this year. I'll spend more on the people who matter instead x

mumps

aliama wrote: »

Just a thought, but by this do you mean that they usually buy clothes that are too big? This may not necessarily be down to thoughtlessness.

They could be erring on the side of caution and picking something that your daughter will grow into, rather than risk buying something that's too small. Something that fits her now will also likely get less wear.

And perhaps they're also assuming that you have plenty of clothes for the size your daughter is now, and that perhaps you will be more in need of clothes for when she's a bit older.

For those reasons my husband and I almost never buy clothes in the child's current side, and maybe they're thinking the same way.

Just playing devil's advocate.

It is easy to misunderstand motives isn't it. We don't buy for nephews and nieces after 18 but I always send a £50 cheque to my one niece as she is a single mother and doesn't have an easy time, nothing from her ex the children never hear from him. Maybe the family think I am wrong for favouring her but it is because I feel she needs the helpand I send the cheque well before Christmas so she has a bit of extra cash.

Threebabes

Well I twice left msgs for my MIL not to buy for us and our 3 this year, we are cutting back, also to pass it on to BIL & SIL. As per usual she totally ignored my msgs and went ahead and bought presents. I could write a book on my inlaws and all the tricks theyve got up to over the years :-/.

So MIL & FIL came over when we were out and left gifts, just token gifts for us all, also leaving gift cards for the kids from BIL. Then SIL left gift cards for the kids coming over when were out, posting them through the door. I refuse to call and thank them, DH can ring them if he wants but he also refuses. Im finding it hard though, I think its very rude not to thank people.

Ada_Doom

Three Babes, why don't you want to thank them? I understand that you had told them not to buy for you and your family but a Nan will always want to buy for her grandchildren, surely?

This is the thing with gifts, you cannot dictate anything in my opinion. When I first had children I was freaked out by my in-laws xmas present giving. They would come round on xmas eve with bags and bags of presents, and I live in such a tiny house that it would make my heart sink. I also personally would always prefer one or two quality toys that last to bags of *ahem* carp:o

But I have given into it now, and see it for what it is, my in-laws way of expressing how much they love my kids, which I am nothing but grateful for. After years of feeling cross becuase of thoughtless presents, or guilty as we often cannot afford to return the gesture I now take a much simpler view, if someone thinks of me and my kids enough to spend any time/money buying a gift then I am pleased. End of.

SailorSam

stamina9008 wrote: »

Tell me about it!!!

But why is it, WHY IS IT that men pushing their kids around in the shops NEVER EVER say thankyou when you move out of their way, but women pushing their kids are more likely to????!!!!

HAVE SOME DAMN MANNERS!" THEY COST NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not sure that that's true, there are just as many ignorant people of both sexes.

sulkisu

Threebabes wrote: »

Well I twice left msgs for my MIL not to buy for us and our 3 this year, we are cutting back, also to pass it on to BIL & SIL. As per usual she totally ignored my msgs and went ahead and bought presents. I could write a book on my inlaws and all the tricks theyve got up to over the years :-/.

So MIL & FIL came over when we were out and left gifts, just token gifts for us all, also leaving gift cards for the kids from BIL. Then SIL left gift cards for the kids coming over when were out, posting them through the door. I refuse to call and thank them, DH can ring them if he wants but he also refuses. Im finding it hard though, I think its very rude not to thank people.

It is very rude. Sorry, but if you and your husband feel so strongly about it then you should have given the presents back.
What you are basically saying is that you are going to keep the presents and make use of them, but you are not prepared to say 'thank you' because you didn't want them in the first place.

It sounds like you in-laws were trying to do the right thing and gave gifts (token gifts, nothing extravagant) not to receive one in return, but because they wanted to - in the true spirit of giving. Also, its worth remembering that (depending on how old your children are), you might understand why they didn't receive presents from family members but they won't necessarily. All they will know is that granny, grandad, aunty and uncle didn't buy them presents this year.

Just a thought.

notanewuser

aliama wrote: »

Just a thought, but by this do you mean that they usually buy clothes that are too big? This may not necessarily be down to thoughtlessness.

They could be erring on the side of caution and picking something that your daughter will grow into, rather than risk buying something that's too small. Something that fits her now will also likely get less wear.

And perhaps they're also assuming that you have plenty of clothes for the size your daughter is now, and that perhaps you will be more in need of clothes for when she's a bit older.

For those reasons my husband and I almost never buy clothes in the child's current side, and maybe they're thinking the same way.

Just playing devil's advocate.

DD is tall and slim, so most clothes of her size by age swamp her. It's worse now that the age bands are bigger (ie a whole year rather than 3 or 6 months). So the lovely winter coat she was bought last year fitted her in........... August. Just one example.