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Copperplate

Miss_Havisham wrote: »

Personally I would just text him back wishing him a happy new year and something along the lines that he must miss his parents at this time of year (asssuming it was their graves in the photo).

Don't worry about it please. Good luck with your counselling

Miss H xxx

.............

Any

I don' t think there was nothing sinister behind it either, 100%.
It does shock me though... is he a bit educationally/socially undeveloped?
Only person with half a brain would send a picture of grave, unconnected to the latest bereavement to the newly bereaved!!!

cutestkids

Hi OP

I think you need to just let it go and not say anything, is there any possibility that it could have been intended for someone else, I know I have sent texts to the wrong person before, it may be that he was showing someone else how the grave was decorated for Christmas and sent it to your number mistakenly.

Even if that is not the case I think that there is no harm meant by him.

I have a couple of friends who have lost children and they have decorated the graves with flowers and Christmas wreaths and have posted the pictures on facebook, I think it is just a way of remembering and how they like to pay there respects.

motherofstudents

I agree with the others, I think it was his way of trying to comfort you even though it made you feel worse. When my mum died we had a song played at the funeral and a friend sent me a video of the song being played with some fountains. I found it quite shocking at the time but looking back I can see it was his way of sympathising with me. I would rather have that than the people who never mention the person who has died. It is better (I think) an attempt however clumsy than not mentioning it at all because of embarrassment.

I am sorry to hear how upset you are and I can relate to you having been through - and still going through- an awful loss. It is the hardest thing in the world but as you say, the person who died would want you to be happy again. Please don't be too upset about the photo.

Any

good_advice wrote: »

Let it go
A lot of people visit graves over Christmas. To visit from people passed. We had it to. My husband had to visit graves to accompany his old mother. Given the choice I don't think he would have gone.

At our local crem they tie cards on a tree every year...

MIL put reeves on several graves...

Just let it go and say nothing, it will only upset you more.

I think this situation is very different.
Does your OH and his mother also take pictures and send it out to people?
I agree lots of people do it, but cannot see how does it have relevance to OP getting that picture.
I just don' t know what was going through his mind... though I think he was only trying to help/he meant something nice by it.

Dunroamin

Any wrote: »

I don' t think there was nothing sinister behind it either, 100%.
It does shock me though... is he a bit educationally/socially undeveloped?
Only person with half a brain would send a picture of grave, unconnected to the latest bereavement to the newly bereaved!!!

It rather depends on how close the relationship was to the OP and how long ago. As a cousin, s/he was presumably also affected by this bereavement and may well just have been showing solidarity.

Any

Dunroamin wrote: »

It rather depends on how close the relationship was to the OP and how long ago. As a cousin, s/he was presumably also affected by this bereavement and may well just have been showing solidarity.

yes, it could be that.

marisco_2

Firstly I am very sorry for your loss. I hope when you start counselling sessions they help you through your grief and to find a positive way forward.

I think it is very strange that your Uncle sent a text message with a photo of a grave. Of course it would stir up all manner of feelings for you. Considering what you have been through it was an insensitive thing to do.

Would it help you to write to or speak to him about it and ask why he sent it to you? Is he normally an approachable kind of guy? Would he be able to see your perspective on this and understand how upsetting you found it? You know him best and the kind of reaction he is likely to give.

Copperplate

Any wrote: »

I don' t think there was nothing sinister behind it either, 100%.
It does shock me though... is he a bit educationally/socially undeveloped?
Only person with half a brain would send a picture of grave, unconnected to the latest bereavement to the newly bereaved!!!

No, he has a good job, no educational problems. I think thats why I am struggling to get my head round it - my feeling is exactly as yours. Why on earth would he think its ok to do that? Was it not better to just send the text and not the picture? But this is why I am glad I posted on here as everyone so far on here thinks its an ok and nice thing to do, so, I need to get things in perspective and see maybe I am over-sensitive at this time.

cutestkids wrote: »

Hi OP

I think you need to just let it go and not say anything, is there any possibility that it could have been intended for someone else, I know I have sent texts to the wrong person before, it may be that he was showing someone else how the grave was decorated for Christmas and sent it to your number mistakenly.

Even if that is not the case I think that there is no harm meant by him.

I have a couple of friends who have lost children and they have decorated the graves with flowers and Christmas wreaths and have posted the pictures on facebook, I think it is just a way of remembering and how they like to pay there respects.

It was definitely meant for me ie "Merry Christmas Copperplate".

I agree with your friends and we have decorated my relatives grave really nicely for Christmas but I'd never dream of texting a picture of it to, say, my friend who has just lost her husband. It just seems a bit bizarre to me, but that could just be me lol!

Callie22

I think he honestly thought it would be a 'nice' thing to do - the 'thinking of you all' suggests that he thought it might help you to see that he's made an effort with the graves, and that the relatives haven't been forgotten. I can totally see how it shocked and upset you but I think it's just someone trying to do something nice and getting it totally wrong. I don't think at all it was meant to hurt or upset you.