Would you invite a stranger for christmas if it upset your kids?

sulkisu

Thank you for your responses. I dont think my friend is wrong, I dont think I am right - I actually think I am pretty mean spirited as I would have simply have put my kids first. Or would have done it in a way that would have had less of an impact, such as having them over for dinner only (as opposed to the whole day), or inviting them on a different day. Her point, valid I think,and where the 'lecture' part came in was that doing something for others is easy when its easy. Doing it when its hard is what counts - a bit like given someone a £1 when its all that you have left. Safety of her kids, i.e the two men turning out to be nutters, as one poster mentioned, isnt an issue. She thinks the day will be tough but ultimately her kids will be okay. As I said, I still couldnt see myself doing it,but thats me.

zaxdog

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

I remember when the Big Issue came out we went round a friend's house to find a big beefy homeless Scotsman sat on her sofa; at Christmas time - and he scarpered a couple of days later with a load of her CDs and clothes.

Lovely idea. Not quite so lovely in practice.

Charity is never a bad thing and what does his nationality have to do with anything?????????

Sambucus_Nigra

zaxdog wrote: »

Charity is never a bad thing and what does his nationality have to do with anything?????????

Nothing. It's just that he was. It's a descriptor.

: something (as a word or characteristic feature) that serves to describe or identify; especially : a word or phrase (as an index term) used to identify an item (as a subject or document) in an information retrieval system

bestgift90

Personally I can't do such type work that will upset my family.

marisco_2

sulkisu wrote: »

Dont be such a prat.

This is as far as I got in reading your post. If you expect anything you write to be read and taken seriously you dont start it as above.
People are allowed to have a different opinion to your own without being insulted.

Lozzy88

I think its a lovely idea, I woundnt of done it myself as I can't cook very well but who knows in a few years bit more practice....

This lady just might want a bit of adult company at christmas, the adult chat while they kids play with their toys, it could also be a really clever say of getting out of doing they washing up, or she might want help putting toys together lol :cool:

RevolvingDoor

bestpud wrote: »

I wouldn't invite them but it would have nothing to do with my children!
I couldn't cope with strangers (effectively - I mean, how well does she really know them?) in my home for lunch on any day!
Likewise, I wouldn't want to go to someone else's house unless I knew them very well!

+1. I don't have children but I wouldn't invite strangers, especially men, into my home. I've had some bad experiences and I wouldn't risk my safety or a child's safety for a second. I would have offered to get them a gift or pay for a meal out as other people have said.

sulkisu

marisco wrote: »

This is as far as I got in reading your post. If you expect anything you write to be read and taken seriously you dont start it as above.
People are allowed to have a different opinion to your own without being insulted.

I have no problem with people disagreeing with me, several posters have. It was the 'with friends like you who needs enemies, you shouldnt be gossiping on public forum,it's none of your business anyway' element of the post that I was responding to
But yes I agree that the 'prat' remark was uncalled for

sulkisu

duchy wrote: »

Dear me ....I'm a prat because I don't agree with you. Merry Christmas to you too my dear

If you are going to use the fact that children are on the spectrum as a reason for your views -yes you're right it would be helpful to know that Aspergers is a form of autism-It's a woolly area but arguably in very simplistic terms the main difference according to some professionals between citing a child is Aspergic rather than autistic is IQ.

You commented in your first post that you'd just got a lecture about the meaning of Christmas .......so presumably that was your friend when you expressed negative views on her choice (or maybe it was someone else who disagreed with you and you came here wanting to be "proved right".)

Honestly though it makes little difference-Your friend discussed it with you AFTER she had invited them -was she really going to withdraw the invite on Christmas Eve ? It doesn't sound like she was inviting your advice or she'd have surely asked you earlier.

Some people regard Christmas as a time solely for family and would resent "intrusion" by non family -others embrace the Christian message and express giving in a broader framework -be that inviting neighbours who would otherwise be alone to join them , working in a shelter or whatever. Neither is wrong -just because it isn't what YOU would do.

We have a friend here for Christmas -she's recently fled a violent relationship -has a grown daughter living fairly locally -but is staying with us so she can continue to get to work until she finds a new home (daughter lives nowhere near transport to get to work on time). Her daughter informed her she couldn't have her for Christmas dinner as she and the grandchildren were going to their grandfather's (my friend's ex) . Quite honestly I was surprised -(they have a close relationship) as in those circumstances I'd be saying -Sorry Dad -won't be joining you and your family as Mum's need is greater-but that's not my business so she's joining our family celebrations at my boyfriend's -fortunately he thinks like me that it would be unthinkable to leave her in our home alone for the day as she suggested...... and he's not even Christian LOL. Would I have preferred a cosy just the three of us Christmas -Yes of course -but I couldn't have enjoyed the day knowing she was alone -and we WILL have a fab day . I'm working 4 hours of it so we're eating late (but that has the advantage we can have a fab breakfast too) Maybe not your idea of an ideal Christmas day -but we're all different .

Do I think your friend maybe didn't think things through....Maybe -but as the decision was made helping her with suggestions of how to handle the situation she has put herself into rather than reinforce her doubts might be more useful as she could hardly withdraw the invitation as late as Christmas Eve. I find with ASD a lot is in the presentation of situations -and I'm sure your friend has her stratagies for dealing with her own children and hopefully her day will go well -but if it doesn't I hope you'll have the grace not to say "I told you so" !!

As stated in my previous post, I was reacting to the remarks that you made, not to the fact that you have a different opinion. However the 'prat' remark was unecessary - I apologise.

fabforty

Good for you for apologising OP, especially as I for one felt that the remarks about it being none of your business, who needs enemies with friends like you etc was equally uncalled for.

I didnt read your original post as saying 'I am right, my friend is wrong'. It was more of a 'this situation arose, this is my view, what do you think?'.
Perhaps more suited to DT as you weren't actually asking for advice just guaging views.
An interesting thread which certainly made me think about what I would do and how far I would go to help others.