Would you invite a stranger for christmas if it upset your kids?

Ich_2

It's no wonder the world is going to rack and ruin! All the no sayers and hand wringers on here. This lady is doing something selfish for Christmas, she no doubt is aware that it might have a negative effect on her childeren, but as I would suggest she knows their needs better than anyone and might just know what she is doing.


Honestly if folk are so scared of life why do you have children just to wrap them in cotton wool

DPJames

It annoys me that people try to do something nice for others at Xmas. But the rest of the year they couldn't give a !!!!!!. What's the point.
Be nice, or don't be. But don't use others to give yourself an ego trip at Christmas time.

vegasvisitor

It's a nice idea to help out these two new neighbours and make them feel welcome.

We don't really know how much of the issue is related to autism etc, it does sound like the kid most upset by it is just shy.

Not sure about anyone else, but when I was 7 or 8 I certainly didn't call the shots in the house!! I think it actually could be harmful to pander to the needs of kids - they're not going to be protected from the real world forever.

It wouldn't be very nice for the person to withdraw the offer of a Christmas meal at such short notice either.

JC9297

YORKSHIRELASS wrote: »

Well I have some experience here - and I know that for many children with illnesses like Autism Christmas is stressful anyway, changes in routine, different people coming and going, different things in the house.

For my son forcing him to endure a complete stranger on Christmas day would just be cruel - and it would be horrible for the rest of us because he would just go into meltdown. Christmas for us is about muddling through and making things easier for him, which in turn makes it better for the rest of the family.

For kids with these sorts of conditions you cant just force them out of their comfort zone and then expect them to be OK afterwards, it just doesnt work like that.

If it was me I would get the kids to make something for the ex-homeless people and take around some nice food. Surely this would be enough to teach the true meaning of Christmas and would be appreciated all round?

Even with close family that my son knows and is pleased to see, after I while he starts saying goodbye and giving them their handbag/coat etc - it's his way of showing he's had enough and needs things back to normal, luckily nobody takes it personally!

We have always taken the same attitude as you at Christmas, we work around him by staying at home , family visit for a while, and he can do his own thing, this means the rest of us can relax more and enjoy it.

Janepig

Assuming that the friend knows nothing of the background of these two men she's invited into her home then I wouldn't do it on that basis alone. It doesn't stop her being kind, taking them a plated up dinner if they wish or giving them a gift.

Jx

shegirl

sulkisu wrote: »

I have just endured a lecture about the true spirit of christmas and wondered what others thought.

Background is a friend has three children 5,7 & 8. 8year old is autistic and easily upset by anything unfamiliar, including strangers in the house. 7 year old is painfully shy to the point where he is receiving help for it.

Anyway 2 young formerly homeless men has been housed in a flat above her and she has invited them to spend the day with her family. Its a nice idea, I understand that but her eldest children are already freaking out at the thought. 7 year old says he is staying in his room. She asked what I would have done and I said under the circumstances I would have taken the neighbours a christmas dinner to go plus a few drinks, but wouldnt have invited them for the day if it upset my kids that much. She did say that she would not have done it but for the fact that it was christmas, she also wants her children to understand the true spirit of christmas. I know that there is no right or wrong answers here, but just wondered what other people think.

eek! I'm with you, that's seriously unfair on the autistic:eek:

I'm shocked anyone would do that to their kids tbh

Nicki

They aren't complete strangers though She knows their address (ie the flat right above her) and presumably has also spoken to them from time to time and hasn't come to the conclusion they are "nutters" as per andygb.

We have a severely autistic child and try not to let that affect our lives too much, whilst obviously meeting her needs. So we will sometimes have people for lunch or dinner that our child doesn't know, and are quite happy if she needs to spend some time in her bedroom chilling out away from the company. We are going to have her with us for the whole of her life, as she isn't going to be able to live independently, and that's a very long part of our lives to never be able to have people visit!

I also know a lot of homeless people as I volunteer at a homeless centre one night per month, and a lot of the people who have ended up there are really nice ordinary people who have just been victims of very bad luck or made some bad decisions in life. I personally haven't come across very many homeless people at this centre with drug, alcohol or mental health problems even though this is the stereotype and I obviously have come across some, but not the majority.

So on that basis, yes I probably would have my two upstairs neighbours who are getting back on their feet and just happened to have been homeless very recently for Christmas lunch, even given that I have a child with ASD who might need to take a break from proceedings for part of that time. I may not have invited them for the whole day however, as that seems overkill and leaves very little family time, but maybe there are other family dynamics going on here, and for example she and her husband might be finding it hard to spend a full day together and be civil without others being around?

notakid

I'm going with the notion that the mother knows her children and their limitations and knows they will cope.

And it is in the true spirit of Christmas. And if the child is very ASD its not going to spoil Xmas as its on their own terms anyway, the strangest thing can set a ASD child off.

My Father is the same as the OP's friend. He wouldn't have anyone alone on Xmas Days. We had to suffer his sister for years, her family had turned their back on her and her bad behaviour. She hummed to high heaven and because of a stroke missed her mouth most times when eating.

Now we have his brother, who shouts at my Mom and Dad. This year we thought we would get away with it as he hasn't spoken to us all year after storming out over a row over the telly, but my sister went round to say as this year as my Mom was very ill with cancer and bedridden, we were doing Xmas on a ad hoc basis with us both bringing the food round and trying to make it as normal as possible. He replied, Oh I wasn't going to go round but I feel obligated now.

It took a day for my sister to calm down! :rotfl:

Its a really nice thought and kudos on your friend for doing it. Maybe the reactions on here are because it makes the rest of us (and I include myself on this!) A little shallow and thoughtless.

Sambucus_Nigra

Dunroamin wrote: »

I think it's a lovely idea - good for her!

I remember when the Big Issue came out we went round a friend's house to find a big beefy homeless Scotsman sat on her sofa; at Christmas time - and he scarpered a couple of days later with a load of her CDs and clothes.

Lovely idea. Not quite so lovely in practice.

Sambucus_Nigra

notakid wrote: »

My Father is the same as the OP's friend. He wouldn't have anyone alone on Xmas Days.

They aren't alone - they have a flat and are sharing it!