Would you invite a stranger for christmas if it upset your kids?

notakid

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

They aren't alone - they have a flat and are sharing it!

Yes but the OP said they are young.

So its recreating the family spirit of Xmas for them as I understand it. I don't think two exhomeless 16/19 year old boys would be able to do that on their own.

thorsoak

In the past,we often opened our doors at Christmas - started when our neighbours of 6 years were suddenly gazumped the week before Christmas and couldn't afford to back out of their sale - we had them plus their 4 children (aged 11, 9, 7 & 5) in our 3-bed semi with us, our 2 (aged 4 & 2) plus OH's parents for 5 days .....I just don't quite know how we managed (FIL was a tad put-out by it) - but we had fun and remained friends with them all for over 40 years. That started it - quite often my OH brought home someone who would otherwise be alone for Christmas. One year it was a rather drunk chef, who'd just been given his marching orders because he'd been drunk once too often when preparing lunch for a hostel full of hungry apprentices ....another time, a colleague who'd been bashed up by her husband. I brought home a colleague who had been sent on secondment to the UK, was due to start at the beginning of January, but thought that she would come early, not realising that her accommodation was arranged from Jan 2nd. Then No 1 son brought home someone who worked with him (they were students) at Tescos, and whose mum decided that he would be in the way of her new romance ....and the others have brought home stray dogs, a litter of newborn kittens ....you get the message!

No-one asked if anyone objected - it was recognised that at Christmas it was time to welcome in the stranger - and I think those Christmases were the ones that seemed really special.

bestpud

I wouldn't invite them but it would have nothing to do with my children!

I couldn't cope with strangers (effectively - I mean, how well does she really know them?) in my home for lunch on any day!

Likewise, I wouldn't want to go to someone else's house unless I knew them very well!

duchy

My first thought was .......what's ASD got to do with it (as my son sits with me visiting a friend of mine for Christmas Eve....He'd rather be at home on his PC but is chuckling away at Ronnie Barker ....He is quite severely Aspergers .....but I've always made sure he does socialize as he'll never learn otherwise...........my second thought was that if I had had a friend who was so bloody judgemental of me -They wouldn't be my friend anymore. I'm sorry OP but it really isn't any of your business and certainly not your place to gossip about your "friend" on a forum. With friends like you I hate to think what her enemies are like !

meritaten

I know that any deviation from the 'norm' upsets most autistic kids - the mum knows that so perhaps she has another agenda? but, she should have prepared the children more? I can imagine both hiding in their room and refusing to come out! an embarrassing christmas all round!

btw - I dont really understand why she felt moved to invite them? was she perhaps a bit squiffy?

I dont think the non-autistic/aspergers/adhd members of my family would be best pleased if I invited a total stranger along to share christmas lunch!

thorsoak

meritaten wrote: »

I know that any deviation from the 'norm' upsets most autistic kids - the mum knows that so perhaps she has another agenda? but, she should have prepared the children more? I can imagine both hiding in their room and refusing to come out! an embarrassing christmas all round!

btw - I dont really understand why she felt moved to invite them? was she perhaps a bit squiffy?

I dont think the non-autistic/aspergers/adhd members of my family would be best pleased if I invited a total stranger along to share christmas lunch!

You see, I can quite understand why OP's friend invited strangers to join her and her family for Christmas - what I don't understand is the thinking that it is odd/bad for her children for her to do so! Surely the festival of Christmas is about sharing/giving - and the person concerned may well find that she and her family receive a great deal from her action.

I'm not so sure that I would have told others about it though until afterwards - we never did - and in her shoes, with her children, I would have thought it better not to give the children time to think about it too much before .....the most notice we ever had was when we shared our Christmas with our neighbours - and that was just under a week - but that did take some planning so as not to upset Christmas for all 6 children.

duchy

meritaten wrote: »

I know that any deviation from the 'norm' upsets most autistic kids - the mum knows that so perhaps she has another agenda? but, she should have prepared the children more? I can imagine both hiding in their room and refusing to come out! an embarrassing christmas all round!

btw - I dont really understand why she felt moved to invite them? was she perhaps a bit squiffy?

I dont think the non-autistic/aspergers/adhd members of my family would be best pleased if I invited a total stranger along to share christmas lunch!

Why would someone need to be drunk to offer a couple of teenage lads with no family hospitality over the season of goodwill to all men ?
I suppose if all Christmas is to your non autistic family members is gifts and gorging then perhaps they would have a hard time understanding it

swampduck

As a family we grew up with 'hangers on' for Christmas Day. We would often sit down to a huge family dinner with the odd extra guest or two. I can remember this happening even when we had Christmas at my Grandmas' - to us it was the norm! We would joke about the 'hangers on' but I cannot remember any Christmas days which were spoiled by these people. As long as we were polite to our guests, we were not forced to remain in their company if we didn't wish but it taught us that it's a time for sharing.
Even if the kids are freaking out about it - and lets face it - there will always be situations which will upset them - they can shut themselves away! It's just one day out of hundreds and not everything is about them and their needs. Other people have needs too even if it's just a little companionship for a few hours.
These children can't be protected all their lives - and who knows these guests may or may not have the knack for dealing with kids who have special needs. I'd be more inclined to let the guests know that the kids have needs and then let them deal with things as they arise and go on to enjoy the day.

Swampy

bestpud

duchy wrote: »

Why would someone need to be drunk to offer a couple of teenage lads with no family hospitality over the season of goodwill to all men ?
I suppose if all Christmas is to your non autistic family members is gifts and gorging then perhaps they would have a hard time understanding it

I think some people feel a need to surround themselves with people at Christmas and others prefer their own company.

It's a bit rude to say people only care about gifts and gorging if they prefer a quieter Christmas.

It could equally be argued people invite others so they get more gifts!

I know families who are unable to enjoy their own company and the parents invite other adults because they simply don't know how to be with their children. That's not charitable - it's bad parenting!

thorsoak

bestpud wrote: »

I think some people feel a need to surround themselves with people at Christmas and others prefer their own company.

It's a bit rude to say people only care about gifts and gorging if they prefer a quieter Christmas.

It could equally be argued people invite others so they get more gifts!

I know families who are unable to enjoy their own company and the parents invite other adults because they simply don't know how to be with their children. That's not charitable - it's bad parenting!

That's very harsh! As a family, we did it BECAUSE WE LOVED TO - not because we didn't know how to be with our children/each other. It certainly was not bad parenting.

At no time in this thread did I criticise those who do not/could not/would not share their winter festivities - and I find it sad that someone who does not share my views should be so scathing.

Nevertheless - I wish you all the best for the winter festivities - I'm not wishing you merry Christmas, because obviously you do not share the Christian ethos.