Would you invite a stranger for christmas if it upset your kids?

bestpud

thorsoak wrote: »

That's very harsh! As a family, we did it BECAUSE WE LOVED TO - not because we didn't know how to be with our children/each other. It certainly was not bad parenting.

At no time in this thread did I criticise those who do not/could not/would not share their winter festivities - and I find it sad that someone who does not share my views should be so scathing.

Nevertheless - I wish you all the best for the winter festivities - I'm not wishing you merry Christmas, because obviously you do not share the Christian ethos.

I was responding to the poster I quoted. Did you read the post I quoted?

There is nothing wrong with my values, hence I thought it was out of order suggesting those who find this sort of thing strange are only interested in gorging and gifts.

Sambucus_Nigra

There's nothing wrong in not inviting people, and there's nothing wrong in inviting people. Only the OP's friend knows them and only she can make that decision.

bestpud

thorsoak wrote: »

That's very harsh! As a family, we did it BECAUSE WE LOVED TO - not because we didn't know how to be with our children/each other. It certainly was not bad parenting.

At no time in this thread did I criticise those who do not/could not/would not share their winter festivities - and I find it sad that someone who does not share my views should be so scathing.

Nevertheless - I wish you all the best for the winter festivities - I'm not wishing you merry Christmas, because obviously you do not share the Christian ethos.

I didn't throw a personal insult in my post either.

You on the other hand...

andygb

Nicki wrote: »

They aren't complete strangers though She knows their address (ie the flat right above her) and presumably has also spoken to them from time to time and hasn't come to the conclusion they are "nutters" as per andygb.

I didn't say that they were nutters, but said that there were a lot of nutters around, and your basis for letting people into your home is very risky to say the least.
I recognise every single person in my street (150 houses), and I know where they live, and I have also spoken to many of them. In the last twenty years, only a dozen have been into my house.
A few years ago, we went to a BBQ nearby, and were talking briefly to a young guy, but found him a bit disturbing, so drifted off to speak to other people. Less than six months later he was in prison - for attempted murder - he slashed someone across the throat for looking at him the wrong way.
Bad things happen in this World, and it is up to every one of us to be aware and alert, particularly when there are children involved.

sulkisu

duchy wrote: »

My first thought was .......what's ASD got to do with it (as my son sits with me visiting a friend of mine for Christmas Eve....He'd rather be at home on his PC but is chuckling away at Ronnie Barker ....He is quite severely Aspergers .....but I've always made sure he does socialize as he'll never learn otherwise...........my second thought was that if I had had a friend who was so bloody judgemental of me -They wouldn't be my friend anymore. I'm sorry OP but it really isn't any of your business and certainly not your place to gossip about your "friend" on a forum. With friends like you I hate to think what her enemies are like !

Dont be such a prat. If you read my post carefully you will see that I said that there is no right or wrong answer, and that I thought that it was a nice idea, so how that equates to me judging her, I don't know. As for it being none of my business, I guess you missed the part where I said that 'she asked me what I would do'. Call me crazy but when someone asks for my honest opinion, I have this ridiculous habit of giving it to them. As you quite rightly pointed out, this is an open forum, the purpose being to ask questions and opinions. So everyone posting a question on here which involves other people is aa gossip in your mind? I posed the question because I was genuinely curious to hear other peoples views on the topic, not to get a lecture on friendship from you. Her sons autism and the way that he behaves is relevant because my friend said that it was relevant, as was her other childs shyness. It is relevant because the title of my tead was not 'would you invite strangers for christmas', it was'would you invite strangers for christmas if it upset your children' and I was explaining why it upset them.

I may be showing my ignorance here, but I wasnt aware that autism and Aspergers were entirely the same thing. Even if they were, I know that there are different degrees of autism. The fact that your son will sit happily with strangers does not mean that other children will-clearly not as my friend has stated that her son wont.
I didnt say that she was wrong. I said (in response to her question) and the fact that two of her children were, as she says 'freaking out over it', that I personally wouldn't have done it.

duchy

Dear me ....I'm a prat because I don't agree with you. Merry Christmas to you too my dear

If you are going to use the fact that children are on the spectrum as a reason for your views -yes you're right it would be helpful to know that Aspergers is a form of autism-It's a woolly area but arguably in very simplistic terms the main difference according to some professionals between citing a child is Aspergic rather than autistic is IQ.

You commented in your first post that you'd just got a lecture about the meaning of Christmas .......so presumably that was your friend when you expressed negative views on her choice (or maybe it was someone else who disagreed with you and you came here wanting to be "proved right".)

Honestly though it makes little difference-Your friend discussed it with you AFTER she had invited them -was she really going to withdraw the invite on Christmas Eve ? It doesn't sound like she was inviting your advice or she'd have surely asked you earlier.

Some people regard Christmas as a time solely for family and would resent "intrusion" by non family -others embrace the Christian message and express giving in a broader framework -be that inviting neighbours who would otherwise be alone to join them , working in a shelter or whatever. Neither is wrong -just because it isn't what YOU would do.

We have a friend here for Christmas -she's recently fled a violent relationship -has a grown daughter living fairly locally -but is staying with us so she can continue to get to work until she finds a new home (daughter lives nowhere near transport to get to work on time). Her daughter informed her she couldn't have her for Christmas dinner as she and the grandchildren were going to their grandfather's (my friend's ex) . Quite honestly I was surprised -(they have a close relationship) as in those circumstances I'd be saying -Sorry Dad -won't be joining you and your family as Mum's need is greater-but that's not my business so she's joining our family celebrations at my boyfriend's -fortunately he thinks like me that it would be unthinkable to leave her in our home alone for the day as she suggested...... and he's not even Christian LOL. Would I have preferred a cosy just the three of us Christmas -Yes of course -but I couldn't have enjoyed the day knowing she was alone -and we WILL have a fab day . I'm working 4 hours of it so we're eating late (but that has the advantage we can have a fab breakfast too) Maybe not your idea of an ideal Christmas day -but we're all different .

Do I think your friend maybe didn't think things through....Maybe -but as the decision was made helping her with suggestions of how to handle the situation she has put herself into rather than reinforce her doubts might be more useful as she could hardly withdraw the invitation as late as Christmas Eve. I find with ASD a lot is in the presentation of situations -and I'm sure your friend has her stratagies for dealing with her own children and hopefully her day will go well -but if it doesn't I hope you'll have the grace not to say "I told you so" !!

geri1965_2

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

I remember when the Big Issue came out we went round a friend's house to find a big beefy homeless Scotsman sat on her sofa; at Christmas time - and he scarpered a couple of days later with a load of her CDs and clothes.

Lovely idea. Not quite so lovely in practice.

On the other hand, me & my ex became friendly with a homeless man who used to sit begging outside our local Co-op. I must admit that I was not very keen when the ex asked if he could come in and have a bath - but I said yes, and it was fine. He turned out to be a lovely man, and he would often come in and cook for us in exchange for sharing the meal. Of course he had his problems, but he never stole from us, he treated us with respect and he wouldn't have harmed a fly.

You shouldn't tar everyone with the same brush.

sharnad

geri1965 wrote: »

Hmmm, it is a difficult one. At some point the children are going to have to come out of their comfort zone though, unless she is going to keep them wrapped up in cotton wool all their lives.

Not a good time to do it at grist as though, strangers being thrust upon you. Don't know what they are like they may be perfectly nice people they might be horrible. I would t want to wreck Christmas for the kids

Sambucus_Nigra

geri1965 wrote: »

You shouldn't tar everyone with the same brush.

I'm not tarring anyone with any brush.

I gave one experience - you gave another. Whooppe do yours means you can get on your high horse and have a go. :T:T:T Big claps all round.

I wouldn't want strangers round my kitchen table. The OP's friend doesn't mind. That's what makes the world go round. No need to tell people how to live their lives.

geri1965_2

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

I'm not tarring anyone with any brush.

I gave one experience - you gave another. Whooppe do yours means you can get on your high horse and have a go. :T:T:T Big claps all round.

I wouldn't want strangers round my kitchen table. The OP's friend doesn't mind. That's what makes the world go round. No need to tell people how to live their lives.

Very mature response, well done.