Power of attorney - should we go for it?

elona

Sarah

I am so sorry for the position you are in but if someone is set on a path of self destruction then the only thing that you can do is to save yourself.

You can warn and advise until you are blue in the face but until something gets through to her - nothing will work!

In a macabre way she is getting exactly what she wants - or at least what she has been aiming for.

This does not make it any less awful for you and your sister.

Sarahsaver

Mum sees lots of people, and she works from 9 to 5.30. Thing is the person they know and the person she IS are not the same
Thanks to you all for your support.
Cant remember if i said this b4 but last night she told sis that she doesnt trust us and thinks WE are trying to take her house away. US that is and not the finance company of course...;)

elona

Sarah


I had a feeling that she would believe that it was somehow you and your sister's fault.

She needs someone who is not one of you two to talk to her - probably a man- whether that is CAB or relative or friend.

We all feel for you (it seems awful not to be able to say that for your mother) but she has chosen her own path.

If you keep telling someone that they are heading for a cliff edge and they keep going then that is NOT your fault.

Fran

elona wrote:

Sarah
We all feel for you (it seems awful not to be able to say that for your mother) but she has chosen her own path.

I don't think depression works like this.

Sarahsaver

That is the frustrating thing about this. She has got herself on a path and seems hell bent on sticking there. The GP has conformed she doesnt manage her diabetes properly and has never been willing to accept the condition.
We can't force her to be helped.

elona

Sarah

If you think your mum is clinically depressed then I am sorry if I sounded harsh but would be surprised that she could go out to work if this was the case and I took it that she was being "sulky" for want of a better word.

Keep posting and let us know how you get on.

Sarahsaver

I don't know elona. I have been clinically depressed in the past but i still managed to work! No offence taken. She wouldnt accept treatment for depression unless she were tied down!

Fran

elona wrote:

Sarah

If you think your mum is clinically depressed then I am sorry if I sounded harsh but would be surprised that she could go out to work if this was the case and I took it that she was being "sulky" for want of a better word.

There's a bloke I know who whenever you see him you wouldn't think he was depressed but it has affected his life for a number of years, also a bloke I used to know who was the "life & soul" whenever you saw him who committed suicide. He was working and obviously able to put on a front to fellow workmates. The trouble is that unless you know someone really and the things affecting them and how they are dealing with it, some people are very good at hiding things. As I see it (though of course I might have it totally wrong) Sarah's mum definitely sounds depressed which causes a vicious circle with the diabetes and looking after herself. It must be so frustrating for Sarah & sister to not be trusted and not able to do anything (and sis is already suffering with the stress of it).

Curry_Queen

I totally agree with you here Fran and from the sounds of it there's a possibility she may even have manic depression, which is even harder to deal with. You say she spends recklessly and buys things she doesn't need? Have you noticed any pattern to this and does she have any low periods between the recklessness?

Again, just because she works isn't a reason to say she's not depressed or have a MH problem as it's very easy to put on a mask (it's the only way we can cope with life most of the time) and no one will be none the wiser, until she reaches a stage of not being able to cope, which is what appears to be happening now.

She needs help, but obviously unless she'll agree to it there's not much you can do I'm afraid. It's incredibly difficult to get someone sectioned (believe me, I've tried it for my son) unless they're under 18 or posing a serious threat to either themselves or others and even then it's not easy

Good luck Sarah, you're gonna need it hun *hugs*

r.mac_2

Sarah,

Just wanted to add some words of support. I understand that you must feel helpless and frustrated.

I have been wracking my brains as to how you could communicate with your Mum. Would you consider writing a letter telling her how much you loved her and how important she is to you? Then, Instead of you suggesting solutions to her situation in the letter, you could just present her with the number for the CAB and the debt helpline? That way it would be less confrontational and the choice of her next steps is left to her. She obviously prefers to feel 'in control of the situation' (although she may not be) rather than be seen to be following advice.

It may not work - but at least you will have tried another tactic, and most importantly your mum will be aware of her importance in your life and the fact that you respect her and don't think any less of her for being in a financial mess. Sometimes, this is as important than offering financial solutions.

hope this helps

r.mac (big hug)