Power of attorney - should we go for it?

Sarahsaver

katiepops wrote:

Can I just point out, as a diabetic myself, there is nothing more patronising, irritating and downright blood boiling than having someone 'make sure I'm eating properly' ... and I imagine your Mum feels the same.

Kate

you wouldn't say that if you knew how BADLY she manages her condition.
Thanks for all your helpful replies so far.
I agree ... to an extent... that she is an adult, responsible for her own actions blah de blah but some people do behave in an irrational or irresponsible manner, or even act without being aware of the full consequences.
The consensus seems to be just leave her to it.

Edinburghlass_2

But it is her condition to manage however she sees fit as it is her house to borrow against or whatever.

My mother, bless her soul, would have been horrified if I had tried to tell her what to do regarding her finances, as I would have been if she had tried to tell me.

I did have to get a POA for my aunt when she had to go into long term care but she had to agree to it obviously and to declare so in front of a solicitor who also checked with the doctor and sister at the hospital that she was competent to agree to this.

Spendless

The thing is i don't see how you can approach the subject if mum just gets angry about it. Maybe someone else can suggest a way.

The only thing i can think of is to start telling a story (fictional if you like) about how someone has lost their house through debt by securing a loan on it then failing to pay- you could even add in about how you can check if a house has anything secured on it (ie the way you found out) and see what develops from there.

Good Luck

xx

Paul_Varjak

Now, your mother can agree to a Power of Attorney but as she does not even want to talk about her situation, it seems unlikely that she will agree to that. Also, as she is still working, it seems unlikely that you could apply to the Court of Protection on the grounds that she is 'mentally incapable'.

I think you probably have to accept that your mother is a grown woman repsonsible for her own affairs.

trafalgar_2

I don't think for one second sarahsaver meant to be patronising or demean her mother in any way when mentioning she has diabetes,merely pointing out that this is naturally another concern of hers .


I hope I'm not speaking out of line sarahsaver

Sarahsaver

Edinburghlass wrote:

But it is her condition to manage however she sees fit as it is her house to borrow against or whatever.

My mother, bless her soul, would have been horrified if I had tried to tell her what to do regarding her finances, as I would have been if she had tried to tell me.

I did have to get a POA for my aunt when she had to go into long term care but she had to agree to it obviously and to declare so in front of a solicitor who also checked with the doctor and sister at the hospital that she was competent to agree to this.

I would feel guilty if i just stood back and watched whats going on and did nothing. Sis and me are not going to tell her what to do, just trying to come up with some ways of helping her out.

katiepops_2

trafalgar wrote:

I don't think for one second sarahsaver meant to be patronising or demean her mother in any way when mentioning she has diabetes,merely pointing out that this is naturally another concern of hers .

And I wasn't suggesting that she did mean to be patronising or demeaning, just trying to point out that *I* find it very patronising when people ask whether I should be eating whatever it is I'm eating that they think I shouldn't. It's difficult enough trying to live with diabetes without the Food Police on your back! Yes, of course it's going to be concerning and upsetting for Sarah and her sister to see their Mum not looking after herself properly - but there's not a lot they can do if Mum's hell bent on not looking after herself. One thing to consider - my control gets shot to pieces if I'm depressed or stressed ... bad control makes me feel ill, and lethargic, which makes me more depressed, which makes my control worse and makes me feel more ill etc etc. It's a vicious circle, and it can be hard to get out of.

Sarah, I don't think you should press the point with your Mum too much about money ... perhaps you and your sister could just tell her that you are worried about her, and that whilst you're going to try NOT to stick your noses in where maybe she doesn't want them, you want her to know that you are there for her if and when she needs your help and support.

Kate

trafalgar_2

I fully understand the problems associated with diabetes and depression etc
my sister is diabetic.
as I said earlier I don't think there is much that can be done re power of attorney but prehaps chatting may bring mum round .......all you can do is try.

Sarahsaver

I don't want to see my mum ill and homeless, which is a definite possibility as certain things become apparent. I'll just have to be there to pick up the pieces if this happens:(

margaretclare

Hi Sarah

You say that you looked on land registry and there's a charge on the house.

This is probably sitting there rolling up interest, to be paid off in the event of the house being sold. Your mum therefore probably does still own the house, but she has defaulted on some loan or finance agreement and the company, knowing they can't get blood out of a stone, have settled for this option.

As others have said, a person has to be mentally-competent and able to give consent for Power of Attorney - you can't just take over her affairs because you think you know best. The fact that your mum is 65 is neither here nor there - think how you'd feel if she tried to do this to you! I'm 69, and no one has yet suggested that I'm incapable of managing my own affairs just because of age.

Aunty Margaret