Power of attorney - should we go for it?

elona

I just wanted to wish you luck Sarah - you do not deserve this worry and your mother seems to be oblivious to any kind of reality check.

When things do come crashing down around her she will probably blame you and your sister - but do not let her manipulate you- you both know that you have done your best.

Her threat sounds like a childish act of spite rather than a real cry for help but I can see how horrible the situation is for you.

Sarahsaver

sis is in the process of telling everyone she thinks needs to know about the situation, bcos she lives with her, and otherwise it would be a big shock to everyone, and sis doesnt deserve to go through this alone. I am helping her out but it is at a distance, couple of hundred miles or something like that, although we did meet up today as i got loads of legal paperwork off the internet.
we want to try and sort things out but really it wouldnt solve the heart of the problem, and would not necessarily 'cure' mum or her head in the sand attitude to life in general.

Fran

Just because someone's working, doesn't mean they don't have a mental health problem. It sounds like your sister has noticed things getting worse and she should know living with her, and that's why she's got you involved. Could your sister go to her GP and talk about the effect that your mother is having on her (as GP won't discuss mother directly)? That way if at some point she needs to be sectioned for instance if she does try to take an overdose or whatever there is already a GP who was aware of the situation (even better if they have the same GP). Also it could perhaps be used in any action that you take regarding other matters perhaps?

elona

Sarah

Have you thought of contacting Social Services or is there an older member of your family that your Mother might listen to?

Sarahsaver

sis has just been to the CAB. There aren't any older family members if you mean older than mum. Sis has spoken to a half-sister's husband, who is being helpful. Mum is of a generation where she's more likely to listen to a man! I am on the process of making a complaint to the finance company for mis-selling, and sis has brought a few treasured childhood books and photos to my place for safekeeping. She's seeing mum's doctor later, and they have the same GP so thats something. Sis has had to have time off work thru stress. They have the same gp we had as children, in a rural practice so they are perhaps more aware of mums history than your average GP;)

Sarahsaver

how should i word the letter to the mortgage co.? I am writing a complaint as suggested by the financial ombudsman. I will claim that they mis-sold the mortgage to my mum.

Spendless

Sarahsaver wrote:

how should i word the letter to the mortgage co.? I am writing a complaint as suggested by the financial ombudsman. I will claim that they mis-sold the mortgage to my mum.

What about asking on the mortgage and endowment board. There are financial people who go on there who could possibly help who don't ness come onto this board.

Sarahsaver

yet another update.
Mum has damaged both retinas by not managing her diabetes properly.
She also does not trust my sister or myself to look after her finances. This is terribly sad but I think we are going to have to leave her to it. I am angrythat she has caused us so much stress and it is all because she doesnt communicate or handle anything with a realistic view - she has gone through life with her head in the sand/blinkers on etc, and she isnt going to change. She even believes that paying the mortgage co. £100 will halt the reposession.

margaretclare

Sarahsaver wrote:

yet another update.
Mum has damaged both retinas by not managing her diabetes properly.
She also does not trust my sister or myself to look after her finances. This is terribly sad but I think we are going to have to leave her to it. I am angry that she has caused us so much stress and it is all because she doesn't communicate or handle anything with a realistic view - she has gone through life with her head in the sand/blinkers on etc, and she isn't going to change. She even believes that paying the mortgage co. £100 will halt the repossession.

Yes, diabetic retinopathy is one of the 'nasties' that can come along through not keeping proper control of blood-sugar levels. Diabetic people should have the backs of their eyes photographed in the eye clinic once a year, and should also have regular eye tests at the optician's. This is not something to mess about with - it can and will result in blindness.

All the little blood-vessels are damaged by the fluctuating levels of glucose in the blood. It's likely that there is damage elsewhere in her body which hasn't yet surfaced...the heart, kidneys etc.

It's sad, as you say...it's the waste of a life, really. If she's gone through life with this head-in-sand attitude then it's difficult to see what would get through to her, what would change her!

You've done your best for her but there does seem to be very little else you can do.

With best wishes

Aunty Margaret

Fran

Sarahsaver wrote:

I think she has been depressed since 1986 when dad died. Why do I say this? Compulsive shopping, complete and utter refusal to talk about anything beyond the trivia of day to day existence, refusal to fully accept her diabetes.
Her room is full of brand new clothes and shoes she has never worn.

This is probably a major thing in this (depression), but the difficulty you have with all this is that unless she tries to do something about her situation you can't force her to do anything. I know it's been said before but who does she see apart from your sister, perhaps she'll listen to the man as you mentioned before. If she won't listen to you and sis about finances can sis persuade her to go to CAB herself?