Power of attorney - should we go for it?

kazd

Sarah, I know how you feel and I think that the she's an adult leave her alone does not help. We are in a similar situation where the money has been drunk and gambled away. We feel that we want to step in and take over because at the end of the day when your mum loses her house where will she go. It feels like they are a liability because as you said you are the one that will have to pick up the pieces. In our situation we have three young children to think about, but it would be very difficult to take in our relative knowing they have been coming across with the big I am act, wads of money, always in the pub and the bookies. When their partner was alive they were kept on a tight rein for a reason, once let loose with the finances, its all been gambled away to the tune of about £170k.

katiepops_2

Sarah, some questions about your Mum's diabetes - is she type 1 or 2? Is she diet controlled or on tablets or Insulin. How do you know that she doesn't test her blood regularly? Is she under regular review for diabetes either with her GP or at your local diabetes clinic?

I can't help on the money side of things, but diabetes is one thing that I do know about. I don't know if you've ever come across the Diabetes Insight website, but there is a support group via e-mail on there - it's open to anyone whose life is touched by diabetes whether as a patient or a relative. You can ask ANY question about diabetes on there and someone will have the answer - everyone is very friendly and very supportive no matter what the situation. I'm sure someone there would have constructive advice on how to help your Mum. You'll find the link for the support group at http://www.diabetes-insight.info/ - follow the link for Diabetes Community.

Diabetes and depression are linked ... lots of diabetics go through periods of depression and it does sound like this could be what's happening to your Mum, particularly if she has money problems on top of everything else. I know from experience how easy it is to get sucked in when things aren't going well in your life, and equally how difficult it can be to pull yourself out. Control of blood sugars is usually one of the first things to go to pot, and yep it can be incredibly difficult to motivate yourself enough to try and get back on track.

Kate

Sarahsaver

type 2 insulin dependent
She will not test her blood unless shes at a checkup then they make her.
My sis lives with her and she knows mum does not and will not test her blood sugar levels.
Mum also has to take tablets for a thyroid condition and other things.
I think she has been depressed since 1986 when dad died. Why do I say this? Compulsive shopping, complete and utter refusal to talk about anything beyond the trivia of day to day existence, refusal to fully accept her diabetes.
Her room is full of brand new clothes and shoes she has never worn.I have a form con the way from the financial ombudsman, to make a claim against the finance company for mis-selling.

Sarahsaver

looks like a big wadge of the brown coloured stuff is about to hit the fan
I have phoned the solicitors saying im going to seek power of attorney, because it looks like the house may have to be compulsorily sold, unless mum divides the land it's on and sells a plot of land to a builder, which I don't think she has considered.
We are seeing her this weekend and sis and me are going to sit her down and TRY to make her see what she is doing. She honestly either does not understand the situation she is in, or else just flatly refuses to admit it.

katiepops_2

Good luck Sarah. I hope you manage to get your Mum to see your point of view!

Kate

margaretclare

Hi Sarah

Well, SOMETHING has obviously gotta be done, even if power of attorney may not be possible.

My husband is Type II insulin-using diabetic, has been since about 1980 (I think), and since living with him I've learned a lot more about this condition (he calls it disease) than I ever learned during my nursing and midwifery career.

He uses fast-acting insulin with 3 meals, and a long-acting one last thing at night. If your mum uses insulin I don't see how she can get away with not testing her blood at all. My husband tests several times during the day. He wouldn't be able to keep any sort of control of his blood glucose levels if he didn't!! Quite often about 3 or 4 in the afternoon he gets a 'hypo warning' - sweating, shaky - and tests then, before taking his 3 glucose tablets.

He keeps one testing kit in the car and another one on his desk indoors. Nowadays testing is very quick and simple, foolproof really. Maybe your mum hasn't got the up-to-date equipment? My husband gets the latest given to him free from the Diabetes Specialist Nurse, then he gets the test strips and all the other equipment on prescription.

The point about all this rigmarole really is that unless people with diabetes take this condition seriously and treat it properly, it is a killer. And it is not a nice way to go. The effect on all the tiny blood-vessels throughout the body results in e.g. having limbs amputated, blindness, kidney failure, heart disease, strokes, you name it.

Regarding compulsive gambling, as kazd says - I watched part of a programme on BBC2 about this. I couldn't bear to watch all of it - it was just too painful. It is as though some people are born with a self-destruct button and they can't resist just keeping on pressing it.

Your mum may feel that life is over for her since your dad died, that nothing at all matters, she hasn't any kind of motivation to get up off her behind and make any kind of a life for herself. Which is tragic for you to watch, and obviously, you're concerned about the effect it will have on you and your own family.

I can only wish you well!

Aunty Margaret

Sarahsaver

well, a brief update
phoned the solicitors that are acting on behalf of the finance co. and they COULD tell me mum has a couple of weeks to sort things out.
They said they would talkk to me more if they had mums authority to do so.
She refused.
You are getting the picture now, she is stubborn as 1000 mules toed together, and I have advised sis to get our photos, childhood memorabilia and dad's war medals/certificates etc. out of the house, because now, from what i know now about reposession, they can board up the house and all the contents may be unavailable to us. I odn't want to be in a situiation where my entire past and that of my parents and my dad (rest in peace) is based on hearsay, rather than having some tangible evidence. Suddenly all the embarassing childhood photos have become more precious.
It seems increasingly like mum does not want any help, and I and my sister are so p*d off, because people will say why didnt we help mum, instead of letting her lose the house, but it seems like she wants to lose it. Margaretclare i think you are right that some people are hell bent on self destruction. It is just so frustrating, shameful and embarassing that my mother is one such person.

Spendless

Oh dear Sarah
-I'm at a loss to know what to suggest. Is there anyone sensible in the family your mum might listen to? Does she have any siblings for example? Or a trusted friend?

Sarahsaver

yesterday she threatened to take all her insulin in one go.
i think the phrase mentally competent no longer applies here

margaretclare

Hi Sarah

I think it's a good idea of yours to get anything at all that you value, out of the house before too late. You just don't know what will happen.

Threatening to take all her insulin in one go - well, she could just be saying that to make you feel guilty. Or she might not.

It's certainly a quick way to end it all, even for non-diabetics (we were told that early on in nursing school!!) She would very quickly go into a stonking great hypoglycaemic coma, the brain would be starved of glucose, and could die very quickly, but what could be worse is if she was discovered in time, pulled round and had permanent brain damage as a result.

At her age if she was evicted from her house, she would be classed as a 'vulnerable adult' and the local authority would have a duty to re-house her in some form of sheltered accommodation. So she wouldn't necessarily end up on your doorstep.

Don't know what else I can say, Sarah - but I've heard these type of people before: 'I'll take all my tablets in one go'. It's emotional blackmail pure and simple!

I feel for you, Sarah.

Best wishes

Aunty Margaret