Need some advice probably just a rant really

penelopedee_2

I put up with a lot (including a very selfish boyfriend and over powering parents in law) when my mum was ill and then died. I behaved for them for a while until I fell apart. Falling apart was the bravest thing I've probably done in my life, but if somebody had warned me inbetween and helped me out a little, it would have made things easier.

I still tell myself off all the time about being soft - can't listen to a carol this time of year without the eyes watering! But if you ask my friends I'm the hardest cow going.

Look after yourself first. Its ok, Christmas is a complete over emotional faff.

I think you can do this, and can get a bit of help to give you the courage to sort things out.

For the next week, try and be soft and a child again and have a laugh at Christmas. Turn the heating up at home, get some nice food in and do a bit of mind over matter. But do it in the knowledge that in January you are going to see about your health and put you first for a change.

Boots sale will start Christmas day or boxing day online I expect, always a good one for me if I need to purchase some pampering stuff to keep my chin up x

dizzydonkeys

lindsaygalaxy wrote: »

Okay, am I reading this right?

1. You have a boss that has fraudulently taken out credit in your name and you are doing nothing about it? !!!!!!! no job is worth this!

2. You have a BF that you say you love, but doesnt seem to show the same respect? If he did, you would be paying the money to his parents together.

3. You are paying for your Bfs bills? Does he work?

Im going to be blunt. not to be unkind, but because I have been like you in the past and theres more to life. STOP BEING A DOORMAT! You are letting men left right and centre walk all over you.

You say you have no friends. I will be your friend and help you get out of what you call a life. Time to start getting tough. Your boss needs the police on his a**. Your Bf needs a wake-up call or get rid. A partner is about being a partnership. You are not even living seperate lives like housemates. You are behaving like his mother.

1. yes - is a royal mail account to send the post out - only just found out as was planning on leaving but being sap I am wanted get xmas out of way/tie up loose ends and felt guilty I would be leaving others in dog doo.

2. his parents gave him his 'inheritance' fair enough I have no issue with his side of house being paid its paying bills and his bills thats the issue he promises pay me back such as insurance £700 a yr I get £10 a week for 6 weeks then he forgets/cant afford it I get tired of constant battle.

3, Yes I pay the bills as in household bills food etc and his car bills, yes he works full time earns 1.5 times more than me but that by the by original agreement was he paid £100 a week (he gets paid weekly) I would then pay all the bills with that excluding his car stuff but apparently he cant afford it as fuel costs him so much - he travels 5 miles each way I travel 30 each way. Oh and he gotta buy lunch each day which apparently costs lots - I go without. Normally due to no time or I forget or whatever so yes my own fault as should make pack up really.

I know I need a reality check so please do feel free to kick me but not too hard am a bit fragile just now - have never told anyone the extent of how things are and guess I just been looking at individual things which dont seem so bad but pile it all together and well its just a big mess and so am I now.:(

I am a strong person and KNOW I can sort this and that I have to and soon. I think I am just so weighed down I cant even think straight but now written it and re read etc it will hit home and spur me into action in the cold light of day - I think I already feel somewhat relieved.:T

marisco_2

Picture yourself 10 years from now in exactly the same situation. To be completely honest that is what hit home with me after reading your post. This guy has decided how he wants his life to be and he is never going to change. He has no need to. In a way he has you like a puppet on a string.

You are young enough right now to cut your losses and start again, to move on and find someone else. All I can see if you stay with this man, is that you will end up miserable and with so much regret.

Mojisola

dizzydonkeys wrote: »

Yes I pay the bills as in household bills food etc and his car bills,
yes he works full time earns 1.5 times more than me but that by the by original agreement was he paid £100 a week (he gets paid weekly) I would then pay all the bills with that excluding his car stuff but apparently he cant afford it as fuel costs him so much - he travels 5 miles each way I travel 30 each way. Oh and he gotta buy lunch each day which apparently costs lots - I go without. Normally due to no time or I forget or whatever so yes my own fault as should make pack up really.

Keep writing these things down - even if you don't share them with anyone else.

Seeing what you are putting up with in black and white helps you to come to terms with the reality of your situation.

Would you behave like this towards someone you love?

Also, what on earth is he doing with the money he isn't giving you?

**Patty**

Sweetheart if you've been diagnosed with diabetes you don't need me to tell you how important it is for you NOT TO SKIP LUNCH!

Make time to make that pack-up!

dizzydonkeys

No idea what he spends his money on - if he gave me the bit he meant to I wouldnt care either TBH although would be nice to know he saved some so when TV broke or whatever it not me constantly forking out.

I am called a hard faced cow or the Ice Maiden absolutely how it is and you know I believe folk when they say it but honestly I am not or dont want to be I just cant help it.

Have had biggest rows ever this last week with boss over all this, I may be wet but am far from stupid and know right from wrong (and probably more stuff than I should) re the law etc, I like to think am actually quite smart but evidently not - have this stupid loyalty to the business, I LOVE my job its the boss that is the issue.

I have stated stuff needs to change and fast, I have threatened the police (and more - the stuff I know now would see him more than locked up prob for rest of his life). He knows if I walk he is stuffed as I deal with the sales and marketing/build and update website, customer services everything - still waiting on my promised payrise tho :rotfl:
Without me he knows there is no business he has gone from a few hundred quid a month profit to 20k+ pure profit hence living high life.

Technically I could run the business myself - legally paying correct dues VAT etc etc and still have a nice income and a stress free life - that was my plan hence going through paperwork properly and just generally ensuring all was in order before finishing for Xmas hence this all then coming to light!

I guess these few days off is a good time to do some evaluating!

dizzydonkeys

**Patty** wrote: »

Sweetheart if you've been diagnosed with diabetes you don't need me to tell you how important it is for you NOT TO SKIP LUNCH!

Make time to make that pack-up!

Normal routine and old habits die hard - I 'try' to eat since diagnosis in summer but my normal routine is dont eat for 3 days then remember then binge then repeat - think from yrs of not having any food when was younger and when did get some money just gorged on pasta then round it went again and well it just kinda stuck I really struggle to have 3 meals a day or even one but do force myself to at least eat some toast
Even if take lunch often find it few days later or following day and have forgotten took it with me! Maybe am older than I thought lol

gjb1503

dizzydonkeys

I know that the fear of an unknown future can sometimes seem worse that the current reality but your life can be so much better than this.

7 years is a long time but I was with my ex for 21 years - married for 12 of those, no kids thankfully - and was 37 when I finally left him. My life now is a million times better and happier than before. You can do it and in a whole lifetime 7 years is not so much.

Move on as soon as your can - don't be like me and really waste your time on a rubbish relationship. As a friend of mine said when I was in the process of leaving my ex - you deserve to be adored by someone, not just tolerated by them. And that is true for all of us.

Good luck.

**Patty**

dizzydonkeys wrote: »

Normal routine and old habits die hard - I 'try' to eat since diagnosis in summer but my normal routine is dont eat for 3 days then remember then binge then repeat - think from yrs of not having any food when was younger and when did get some money just gorged on pasta then round it went again and well it just kinda stuck I really struggle to have 3 meals a day or even one but do force myself to at least eat some toast
Even if take lunch often find it few days later or following day and have forgotten took it with me! Maybe am older than I thought lol

Time to make an appointment with the diabetic nurse then!

Stabilising your blood sugar will make you invincible:D

(Ok it won't but :rotfl: it will help you deal with stuff better) xx

lindsaygalaxy

Im not trying to be harsh, but I think sometimes people can be too soft and you need to see this for what it is. Men are walking over you in both areas of your life. Both are bullies, but you are not seeing them as so becauase they are not violent.

Think about how your mum would see it if she was here (and I believe she is looking down on you). Would she be saying things are okay, or shouting at you to get out of both.

You say you know the business etc, is there anything stopping you starting up your own? There may be grants around to help. Why build the business up for a useless boss when you could do it for yourself?

ou are worried about leaving the house. There is no mortgage on it - you are not tied. Find a shared room in a house for a few months. Tell your partner you are not happy and why and give yourself some space. If its meant to be it will be, and if not then you would have made your first step to freedom. You would still be entitled to your equity in the house that you have paid. You may find you do not even miss him once you start getting your own life!

Letting go is hard, but you have a right to a better life, one where you are respected and happy. Do you have any other family anywhere? I am very serious about being a friend. Just PM me. The worst mistake I made in my life was not telling anyone the trusth that went on behind closed doors. Its not the violence that you cant live with, its the mind games and mental bullying. You tell yourself its normal, that every relationship is like it, that its not that bad. If people who cared about you knew they would shake you and pull you out! But you know that deep down, as thats why you dont tell them.