Need some advice probably just a rant really

SuzieSue

Oh my goodness. I thought my boss was bad (I do a similar job to you), but I can't believe that you allowed him to take out credit in your name and that he hasn't been paying your tax and NI over. And you only get paid the minimum wage!. I would expect to be paid in 6 figures if my boss expected me to do anything like this.

penelopedee_2

Crying your eyes out with stress and not wanting to wake up in the morning, in my opinion is a sign of depression. Not what people like to hear, but if you can find a decent GP and get some help to get that sorted then it might give you the insight and courage to do something about the rest of the situation.

Hugs xxx It is horrible to feel like this and its a pants time of year too x Look after your health first before you do anything.

dizzydonkeys

no no children had miscarriage well have had 3 but others with previous partner, have medical issues that would make it difficult to carry full term which probably why am so glum about it, age old want what cant have thing.

Re house we are tennants in common and have legal docs stating I will pay the parents x amount over a period of time so I would own x amount and he the rest up to value paid, if sold any profit then split 50/50. They put the money i pay them in seperate account so if anything were to happen and we split either they would give me what I had paid them and I sign house over.
Problem being I have only paid them about 2k and sunk rest of money I had saved into doing property up as didnt want to 'borrow' more than necessary I value my independance and kinda hoped maybe would make OH grow up but as his parents have paid for his chunk he thinks he is high and dry.

RE boss, we have 3 staff members myself included, I have to deal with ensuring everyone is paid etc but he sees money in bank and just spends it, I didn't allow the credit thing to happen I only recently found out about it it was an online application and obviously he had my details - not hard as an employer - luckily always been paid on time but know next payment can't be made as will be quiet over xmas and he going to spend what little money there is and my credit rating going to be hit so no doubt I will pay it myself to protect myself then claw it back as and when - I shouldn't I know this but have no idea how to get out of the vicious circle.

Errata

Blimey, living with someone who makes you feel crap (and BTW 'he doesn't hit me isn't a plus for him!), and working for a crook - no wonder you feel the sky is falling in.
I hope others can offer something that will help you, but for the life of me I can't think of a single thing.

Mojisola

dizzydonkeys wrote: »

Yes I love him he is a nice bloke dont get me wrong never hits me etc (maybe I just think this is better than alternative) have done abusive relationships, controlling mentalists etc and he not like that.

When he being loving it is fine but then it just drops off but he makes me feel like it's my fault or i expect too much (relationships not all about sex) is line I get.

Sorry, can't agree with that! He is not a nice bloke - he might be controlling in a nicer way than your other relationships but that's what he is. He is using you (and his parents) and can't care for you otherwise he wouldn't say these things. He would listen to you, take what you say seriously and change things.

saterkey

oh goodness it give me jitters just reading it all, i really feel for you. Big Big Hug. However you need to get out of those accounts at work and fast, you will be liable, if he cant take them over then shut them, its his problem not yours. is it worth looking for a job with accommodation attached? Your partner has got the life of riley, it sounds like your lodgers really more than anything else, could you move into the spare room and start to separate your life with him, money and other stuff. if you want kids and family life you need to move on fast, as it seems to be going nowhere.
best to get xmas out of the way and have a good think about what to do, could also be worth talking to someone at citizens advice for impartial talks.
Im sure you could come to some arrangement with the parents to pay you back for what you have put in the house, so he can have it as that was their intention in the first place, he can keep the house and you can move on, with a deposit for a new place. Its really scary, but not half as much as staying for another 10 yrs in the same place you are in now.
wishing you lots of luck, hope you get sorted and that 2013 will be the year for you.
even if you move on, you could still have kids, adoption, foster short term there are lots of kids out there that need homes.

londonsurrey

From his point of view, you ARE overreacting. At the end of the day, he's never had to grow up, take responsibility for boring stuff, has no inclination to, so anyone fussing about the steps necessary for that is just being silly.

You, on the other hand, live in the world most of us inhabit, with no magical cash fairies, and a desire to do adult things, so it makes sense for you to react the way you did.

lindsaygalaxy

Okay, am I reading this right?

1. You have a boss that has fraudulently taken out credit in your name and you are doing nothing about it? !!!!!!! no job is worth this!

2. You have a BF that you say you love, but doesnt seem to show the same respect? If he did, you would be paying the money to his parents together.

3. You are paying for your Bfs bills? Does he work?

Im going to be blunt. not to be unkind, but because I have been like you in the past and theres more to life. STOP BEING A DOORMAT! You are letting men left right and centre walk all over you.

You say you have no friends. I will be your friend and help you get out of what you call a life. Time to start getting tough. Your boss needs the police on his a**. Your Bf needs a wake-up call or get rid. A partner is about being a partnership. You are not even living seperate lives like housemates. You are behaving like his mother.

dizzydonkeys

penelopedee wrote: »

Crying your eyes out with stress and not wanting to wake up in the morning, in my opinion is a sign of depression. Not what people like to hear, but if you can find a decent GP and get some help to get that sorted then it might give you the insight and courage to do something about the rest of the situation.

Hugs xxx It is horrible to feel like this and its a pants time of year too x Look after your health first before you do anything.

You are probably quite right on that one, have recently changed docs as old one have been with since childhood and didnt believe had diabetes and refused to test despite suffering for months as was too young/slim/active and not typical - until rushed into hospital.
Will book appointment some people have said prob needed councilling after mum passed away but I just cracked on with life so docs assumed I was fine and I managed go to college and general survive with no help from social services or anyone when looking back I probably should of had some form of help.

I do sometimes look back and think someone failed me somewhere but then chide myself foe the self pity, I am probably not the easiest person to live with/know as normally get taken for a ride which makes me wary so I keep my distance and push folk away as fear getting close to someone I either get hurt emotionally or try help out as I hate to thing of someone suffering/being without but then it backfires and it costs me :mad:

I think I will get Xmas out of the way and then re evaluate and just try and get some of me back. I CAN do it I know I can am just gutted I had my wonderful life all planned out then it all comes crashing down around me - times like this wish I had my mum to give me a hug and a cup of tea!:o

Thank you all so much for being so nice :A

SuzieSue

dizzydonkeys wrote: »

RE boss, we have 3 staff members myself included, I have to deal with ensuring everyone is paid etc but he sees money in bank and just spends it, I didn't allow the credit thing to happen I only recently found out about it it was an online application and obviously he had my details - not hard as an employer - luckily always been paid on time but know next payment can't be made as will be quiet over xmas and he going to spend what little money there is and my credit rating going to be hit so no doubt I will pay it myself to protect myself then claw it back as and when - I shouldn't I know this but have no idea how to get out of the vicious circle.

My boss also spends money like water, but not at my expense. If your boss opened the credit accounts in your name without your permission then he has committed fraud (in addition to the fraud he has committed by prentending you don't earn enough to pay tax and ni). You need to put yourself first and tell him that and say that if he continues to waste money and doesn't improve his credit rating within a set period of time then you will go to the police. He is taking advantage of you because you are letting him do so. You need to sort this problem out first before you start on your relationship problems. At least your house if mortgage free, so even if you have to leave your job, you should be ok. How much does your OH earn?