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lizzie157

WW that is what i would really love to do. I do look after a relative's dog already but only in exchange for the cost of food etc for my pooch. Again it's a confidence thing i suppose, i don't drive and the area where i live is quite a poor area where i know one or two people who just leave their dogs all day rather than pay out for someone to walk them. Having said that I am going to advertise this sort of service and see if it would be viable. I've decided to offer a few different things and see which one takes off and then concentrate on that if that makes sense.

Rummer

Lizzie if you feel a few days would help there are currently Travelodge rooms available from £15 which would give you time away at a (reasonably) affordable cost.

WW thank you for that link, I have joined and it looks great

WelshWoofer

lizzie157 wrote: »

WW that is what i would really love to do. I do look after a relative's dog already but only in exchange for the cost of food etc for my pooch. Again it's a confidence thing i suppose, i don't drive and the area where i live is quite a poor area where i know one or two people who just leave their dogs all day rather than pay out for someone to walk them. Having said that I am going to advertise this sort of service and see if it would be viable. I've decided to offer a few different things and see which one takes off and then concentrate on that if that makes sense.

Good for you! The best of luck with it.:T
Just a thought - do you have a bike? It would widen your catchment area and get you fit at the same time!

Bitsy_Beans

Lizzie I've seen this website being suggested a lot. I confess I've never used it but basically it's an online form of CBT which I think would benefit you. http://www.llttf.com/index.php
Regarding your H going to be blunt.......MH might account for a tiny bit of his behaviour bit quite frankly he uses it to his advantage and some of his behaviour towards you could be construed as domestic abuse. Know that sounds awful but the chipping away at confidence, put downs, telling you no one cares......insidious and very damaging. Lets be honest if he keeps you in your place you'll be around to do your usual housewifely duties......if you had a life well you wouldn't be under his control would you. Such negative people suck the life out of you and he's done a pretty good job of that.

Not sure how old your youngest child is but in addition to WWs fab idea about dog walking have you considered a pet sitting service too? As in you stay with the pet at their home rather than other way round.

As for tax returns.......well I won't lie they're not written in plain English but I reckon you'd manage to complete the online form.....I managed!

Register on Freecycle or Freegle and see if anyone has an old bike they would consider giving away.

You can do it Lizzie :j

ruby_eskimo

Hi everyone, I'd love to join in this thread. Will be back later with some goals!

WelshWoofer

Lizzie - been thinking, what about doing a bit of additional part time work like gardening, babysitting, ironing or cleaning whilst the dog walking (or whatever else you decide on) establishes itself. The money will give you more independence, working will raise your self esteem, you'll meet a few people and get out and about.

I wish I lived closer to you as we could walk our dogs together and just get out and about for a little while. A bit of time just to be you, not wife, mother, general dogsbody etc.:)

I'm not great at emotional advice but I'm a doer and like making plans and organising so can help with anything practical.
Have a look at your local GumTree to see what others are offering, prices etc and steal a few ideas.

Hewie29

Lizzie if you need help 're tax returns I' d be happy to help its what I do to earn money. They are not as bad as you think once you know what numbers to put in where. just don't forget to register for self employment.

Well today went well. mum is in a hospice about an hour's drive away. it's a lovely place. so clean the staff are fantastic and very caring (to us as well as mum) the food smelt wonderful and from mums look on her face tasted as good as it smelt. we have also found out that we can order food to, so in the future dad has decided that he will visit in the morning order some lunch and eat with mum and then when she has her sleep go on home. he doesn't like driving in the dark so that will suit him fine. he can now go back to being her husband and not her carer. dad is having a day off tomorrow and coming with us to spend the day with my brother. think it will do him good. my uncle will visit mum tomorrow.

in the next couple of weeks we will look at a nursing home nearer to us but for now the hospice is just great.

once again thanks for all your best wishesxxx

esmy

Afternoon all.

Lizzie - if you don't think there would be a call for dog walking/woman-friday type work around where you live, could you work out the areas you can get to by public transport and stick a card in the shops local to those areas? Our local PO charges 20p a week for ads and I often see them for odd job people/gardeners/babysitters etc.

Hewie - it's good to hear that you're happy with where your Mum is and how welcome you've all been made.

Well, I got on the scales this morning and I'm going to put my weight at the bottom of this post, just to shame myself into doing something about it. I've crept up a dress size in the last year but as I'm quite tall I can carry it off..(most of the time!). I've defuzzed today ready for swimming tomorrow and my new costume pulls my tummy in a bit so I shouldn't frighten the children when we go tomorrow. Lots of whoopsies at the supermarket today so have bought loads of fruit and veg, including 10 limes - no idea what to do with them other than put them in Gin - any healthier ideas welcome!

14st 7lbs!!!!!

lessonlearned

lizzie157 wrote: »

Sorry wasn't intending to go on about this on here but there's so much in my head - it helps

Don't apologise. Getting it out of your head and onto paper is a good thing to do. You can see it all in black and white and read and re-read as often as necessary.

Hopefully getting it all out will help you to think you way round things. Then maybe you can act.

Like WW I am one of life's doers so I do apologise if my advice sounds a bit "brisk" at times.

Don't forget you've had years of mental and emotional abuse. Yes I agree with Bitsy here - what your H is doing is domestic abuse. Not all abuse is about using your fists. I agree your H has sucked the lifeblood out of you. But......it's not too late to change all of that.

I watched my father do this and my first husband tried to do same with me. Once I woke up and realised what he was doing I high tailed it out of there. I had observed my parents and I was having none of it.

I know that this is going to make me sound dreadful but like your children I did find that I became increasingly exasperated with my mother for being so cowardly and not standing up to my father.

I stood up to him time after time on her behalf and got myself nothing but trouble for my pains. I spent most of my childhood being piggy in the middle - much good did it do me. My teenage years were awful. I developed stress induced migraines and by the time I was 17 I had given myself a stomach ulcer.

Eventually I lost patience and I became increasingly angry and sorry to say even contemptuous of her. I know this happened with many of her friends too, it was why so many of her friends drifted away.

Time and time again she would weep all over them and moan about how awful her life was and they would try to help her, letting her stay with them when she couldn't cope, taking her to the solicitor etc, helping her find work and yet still she ran back to him over and over again. They just gave up trying to help and support her in the end and stayed away.

I've never understood why my parents stayed together - their relationship was so unhealthy and the house was toxic. It was like watching scorpions dance, both locked together in mutual misery. Hell on earth.

I know my view may sound harsh but I think that life is just too short and too precious to live like that. Lizzie don't throw your life away.

You are not helpless and your situation is not hopeless. Your children are almost grown up you can find work and support yourself.

Hewie - glad to hear things went well today and that you've managed to get your mum into somewhere so nice.

mineallmine

Hello all, hugs all round :A

Did a walk so that felt good. Then felt quite unwell and had to rush home not achieving all the jobs I needed to. So rested this afternoon.

So glad that your mum is comfortable hewie. Much of my decluttering items has gone to help local hospices do fantastic work.

You're getting some great advice on here Lizzie. I often get over whelmed thinking of all the things I need to sort. So it's best to start small. So how about taking a dog walk a bit further or several times a day. So you can literally get out, get some fresh air. Then try and introduce another habit.