Bit of an update - advice/opinions welcome

Mojisola

cheepskate wrote: »

Self explanatory, really. His posts clarify this. . His son is saying he wants 1-1 without the "girls"...Dad states he thinks this is the ex putting things into his head and totally dismisses his sons views, because they dont fall in line with his ideas.

It isn't. You're reading it one way.

Reading exactly the same posts, I think it's quite likely that the mother is controlling the situation. Neither of us know which is right.

amus

Mojisola wrote: »

It isn't. You're reading it one way.

Reading exactly the same posts, I think it's quite likely that the mother is controlling the situation. Neither of us know which is right.

But theres no point putting all the blame on the mother when the son has confided that he is unhappy with the situation.

Surely it is better for the op to take action on what information he has been given rather than burying his head in the sand and putting all the blame on his ex, the op himself admitted he suspected his son wasnt being truthful for fear of upsetting him.

All I know is how I would feel if my daddy who I had to myself all my life was suddenly playing happy families with a new wife and kids, and it would be exactly the way his son has told his grandmother how he feels.

Mojisola

amus wrote: »

But theres no point putting all the blame on the mother when the son has confided that he is unhappy with the situation.

Surely it is better for the op to take action on what information he has been given rather than burying his head in the sand and putting all the blame on his ex, the op himself admitted he suspected his son wasnt being truthful for fear of upsetting him.

All I know is how I would feel if my daddy who I had to myself all my life was suddenly playing happy families with a new wife and kids, and it would be exactly the way his son has told his grandmother how he feels.

Having read his posts, I think the OP wants to do what's best for his son.

You see it the way you describe - what if the child feels forced to tell his father he doesn't want to see him because of the way his mother behaves when he is in contact? It's not an unusual scenario for the child to have to choose between parents for the sake of a quiet life at home.

FBaby

Both cases are based on assumptions but one situation he controls the other he doesn't so better focus on the first which is the most likely case scenario anyway.

amus

Mojisola wrote: »

Having read his posts, I think the OP wants to do what's best for his son.

You see it the way you describe - what if the child feels forced to tell his father he doesn't want to see him because of the way his mother behaves when he is in contact? It's not an unusual scenario for the child to have to choose between parents for the sake of a quiet life at home.

Although I get the impression the op really does care for his son, I wouldnt necessarily say he is doing what is best for his son, rather what he thinks is best for his new family set up.

What I find very telling is that all suggestions which involve ops new family taking a back seat when having contact with his new son seem to have fallen on deaf ears, and when that happens its often because its something that somebody doesnt want to hear.

Saint_Chris

I was one of the posters in your original thread on this subject, who said, that i thought that you was rushing things too quickly with your son and his new family.

I also think that his behaviour when he was with you showed that, ie just wanting to play on his game station.

There is always 2 sides to a story, and i'm not disputing yours, but your ex's may not read as yours does (you only have to watch jk on a morning to see this)

I do believe that you have done your best to include your son into your life, but i do think that it has been done to include your 2nd family, and this is where i said it was to fast.

You have now been hit with the news that he doesn't want contact with you or the girls, so you have 2 choices, you either walk away and leave him be with his mum and nan, or you build a relationship up with just you and your son.

I think that you should try and get back your father son relationship, why can you not go up to your parents house and stay over for the weekend, not every weekend but maybe once every 3 weeks, spend quality time on a one to one with him, and bond with him, then gradually in time he may come round to the idea, of having a new family, and want to be part of it, and if he doesn't then why can you not continue to see him on a one to one basis at your mums, plenty of other fathers do.

From reading your posts i don't think that you want to do this, i think that you wanted everything in your garden to be rosy, and it's not working out the way you planned, i feel that there is something that your holding back from your post, but only you know that.

Just remember that whilst you are hurting, there's a little boy who's hurting too.