Should I ask my husband to pay money back?

seashore22

I'm sorry, but I can't quite get my head around this way of thinking. Once you are married isn't this shared money? The effort involved in keeping a financial tally of money owed would be far too much for me. I wouldn't ask for the cash.

UsernameAlreadyExists

I am pre-married (hope she doesn't read this!). and I empathise entirely with the OP (having read it much earlier today, and having not read numerous posts since)
Tough call though.

gixer750

well i think all the time you have been together he has put up with your pmt, so you owe him at least £8000 for the emotional stress you put him through, your move blood sucker!!

mountainofdebt

Any wrote: »

Well the way I read OP's post I got the impression that the OP doesn't exactly want or need the money back and is actually thinking of scrapping it and forgetting anout it for good, and that is why she posted.
.

But this is what I find so odd.

They're now married, and have been for a while, so why is the OP thinking about letting the repayment go ? Surely the point for that is when they got married, regardless of how they split the finances afterwards.

I have visions of the OP thinking to herself that she could afford to do x, y and z if only her OH would cough up.

barbiedoll

I was in a similar position to Felicity when I met my husband. We bought our house using the equity in the flat that I had purchased when I was single. My husband said that we should draw up an agreement saying that the deposit was solely my money and that he would have no claim on it, should we ever split up. But as I pointed out to him, he kept me for 3 years whilst I was a SAHM, so I didn't see an issue.

Mind you, we split our money fairly equally but I won't pay for his lottery (IMO it's a tax on the poor and numerically-challenged etc etc) so if he hasn't got the £5 or whatever and he asks me for it, I always tell him that he has to pay me back. He ALWAYS tells me to take it out of what I owe him after 16 years of scrounging off him and bleeding him dry! :rotfl::rotfl:

Any

mountainofdebt wrote: »

But this is what I find so odd.

They're now married, and have been for a while, so why is the OP thinking about letting the repayment go ? Surely the point for that is when they got married, regardless of how they split the finances afterwards.

I have visions of the OP thinking to herself that she could afford to do x, y and z if only her OH would cough up.

Some people only have the worst visions about other people.
OP said her OH wants to repay the mobey back, he seems a good man, so she is thinking to make it officialy scrapped.
Again, that is how I read her first post. No 'he is owing it forever the bast*rd', 'is he taking the pi**' or anything like that.

princessdon

Any wrote: »

Well the way I read OP's post I got the impression that the OP doesn't exactly want or need the money back and is actually thinking of scrapping it and forgetting anout it for good, and that is why she posted.

Everyone here is giving OP hard time and I really don't see why. Just because they have separate finances when times are good and simple it doesn't mean they won't support each other when times are bad, redundancies made or babies to be born.
If ghe OP came here and said 'I paid off my OH's debt but he tun up a new one' everyone would be saying 'well why did you do that? People need to learn their lessons'. Borrowing money is not that far off the same principle. And given that they are together for some time OP wants to onow opinions on scrapping or paying old debt and everyone is questioning her commitment to marriage.

I don't get the vibe of scrapping it though - more drag it up whenever it suits. As I said I'd say call it quits with a romantic trio for two funded by them and never mentioned again (bar the unmentionables during the trip)

DannyBo

salfordmate wrote: »

When we first started going out over 8 years ago for various reasons my boyfriend (now husband) ended up owing me some money. Over the years this amount has gone up and down as we have each paid for different things and the figure now stands at about £700.

We were quite specific that the money would always be paid back and my Husband is fully expecting to pay it back when he has the money and has paid off a couple of credit cards.

The only thing I wonder now is am I being mean asking for it back? There is no misunderstanding, we always agreed he would pay it back and he is happy to and I think about what I could treat myself/us to if I had it but now we're married does it matter?


I'm just wondering what others think, would you ask for it back or leave it?

Thanks!

No. You. Should. Not.

mountainofdebt

Any wrote: »

Some people only have the worst visions about other people.
OP said her OH wants to repay the mobey back, he seems a good man, so she is thinking to make it officialy scrapped.
Again, that is how I read her first post. No 'he is owing it forever the bast*rd', 'is he taking the pi**' or anything like that.

You obviously read this bit differently to me then ....

salfordmate wrote: »

The only thing I wonder now is am I being mean asking for it back? There is no misunderstanding, we always agreed he would pay it back and he is happy to and I think about what I could treat myself/us to if I had it but now we're married does it matter?

Carlos77

we have separate finances, as in i keep what i earn, the other half keeps what she earns, she gets to pay for childcare and i pay everything else. Works for us. If she wants any cash for anything then i give it to her, but doing things this way means we can both keep track easier of what we spend, and there is no complaints about spending money on treats!