What would you think?

tea_lover

Dramallama wrote: »

I think that is a bit harsh. I know sleeping with him was wrong (and totally not worth it) but what would you have done in my situation?

Er... not slept with him?

Pollycat

lazer wrote: »

I think everyone is being a but harsh on the OP - she was 19!

I don't think everyone is being harsh on the OP.

Most posts suggest that she leaves things as they are and give reasons why.

Why is that being harsh?
The OP posted and specifically asked "what would you think?".

I do agree that a few posts have been harsh, especially the poster who said "I don't wish to be harsh but......." but don't tar us all with the same brush.

Dramallama

tea_lover wrote: »

Er... not slept with him?

Nice selective quoting there.

I asked what you'd have told him when he wanted to know where my friend/his girlfriend was.

scooby088

OP may have been said before in the thread but why would you want to re-open old wounds and why would you feel the need to look her up at all!!!

We lose friends for various reasons and in all honesty can't fathom why you would want to go there again. Even only as facebook friends, you have your life and I say live it, you have moved on and not the same person anymore.

tea_lover

I quoted exactly as you'd written. What has telling him what his gf was doing got to do with you sleeping with him?

Anyway, I'm not getting drawn into this. There's no excuse for cheating - no "she did it first", no "I was drunk", no "we couldn't help ourselves". But you didn't ask about that, you asked about contacting her and I think the general consensus has been leave well alone.

Nicki

If you absolutely must, though I don't know why you must, why not lock your facebook profile down to as private as it gets, and send her an old fashioned letter apologising. Why you would want to give her online access to all your current friends to tell what you did baffles me. I know it was 15 years ago, but even the way you tell it, doesn't shed you in any kind of positive light IMO.

The fact you posted this under an AE suggests you'd rather even just those who know your internet identity didn't know this about you, so why on earth would you risk letting your RL friends in on it when there is no need?

Dramallama

tea_lover wrote: »

I quoted exactly as you'd written. What has telling him what his gf was doing got to do with you sleeping with him?

Anyway, I'm not getting drawn into this. There's no excuse for cheating - no "she did it first", no "I was drunk", no "we couldn't help ourselves". But you didn't ask about that, you asked about contacting her and I think the general consensus has been leave well alone.

Excuses, no. Reasons, absolutely.

He obviously had his. I panicked when he arrived at the bar and told him she'd gone home because I thought he'd go home and find her not there. I thought I was doing the right thing keeping him out, and we both got far more drunk than we should have. I don't remember how or why he came home with me, but that's what happened and it taught me a valuable lesson!

The bit you quoted was followed by another related question, asking what you'd have told him in this situation. By not quoting that bit you could answer as you did, which was not what I was actually asking.

I'm not proud of what I did. I deeply regret it. It was stupid and hurtful but I was young and naive and didn't know what I was doing. Seeing my ex-friend fleetingly brought it all to the surface and I'm just trying to do the right thing now.

Dramallama

Nicki wrote: »

If you absolutely must, though I don't know why you must, why not lock your facebook profile down to as private as it gets, and send her an old fashioned letter apologising. Why you would want to give her online access to all your current friends to tell what you did baffles me. I know it was 15 years ago, but even the way you tell it, doesn't shed you in any kind of positive light IMO.

The fact you posted this under an AE suggests you'd rather even just those who know your internet identity didn't know this about you, so why on earth would you risk letting your RL friends in on it when there is no need?

Good points.

I'd love to know what you'd have said to the BF when he rang/turned up to the bar as it seems that's where it all started to go wrong.

Nicki

When he rang: I'm not sure where she is, when I see her I'll ask her to give you a call

When he turned up: I'm not sure where she is, perhaps she's gone.

Neither answer would have required me to remove my underwear or get up close and personal with the kitchen roll holder :eek: Far TMI!

balletshoes

Dramallama wrote: »

Good points.

I'd love to know what you'd have said to the BF when he rang/turned up to the bar as it seems that's where it all started to go wrong.

does it really matter? it was 15 years ago, its not a situation thats likely to crop up again, is it OP?