What would you think?

Welshwoofs

Oh yes, she's bound to be overjoyed by suddenly having contact from someone who slept with the Father of her children 15 years ago.

Seriously Op - if you want to indulge in masochism a much quicker and less complicated route is simply to get a coat-hanger and beat yourself with it.

Incase you hadn't guessed.....my advice is stay well away.

tea_lover

I'd definitely leave it.

My OH cheated on me many years ago. I forgave him and we're still together now. However, I would never, ever want to her from her again. And yes, I realise that's double standards on my part, and I realise he was just as much to blame as she was - but that's how I feel.

It won't have been easy for them to move past this, don't drag it all up for them again.

kj*daisy

Leave it, but if you bump into her again in a situation where you have to speak to her, that would be the time to quickly apologise if you still feel guilty. You may never bump into her against I wouldn't seek her out.

Joons

Is this about making yourself feel better, do you really think you're going to make her feel great by saying sorry, sounds like you're trying to ease your own guilt so tough really, you need to live with what you did and a poster above saying you were poss used as a scapegoat in it all is hard to believe, doubt you felt a scapegoat when you were jumping on his bones. I don't mean to be harsh I just can't stand folk who cheat, and that's men and women.

Dramallama

Joons wrote: »

Is this about making yourself feel better, do you really think you're going to make her feel great by saying sorry, sounds like you're trying to ease your own guilt so tough really, you need to live with what you did and a poster above saying you were poss used as a scapegoat in it all is hard to believe, doubt you felt a scapegoat when you were jumping on his bones. I don't mean to be harsh I just can't stand folk who cheat, and that's men and women.

I think that is a bit harsh. I know sleeping with him was wrong (and totally not worth it) but what would you have done in my situation? Told him where she had gone? I can remember that night so vividly (including when he came upstairs with the kitchen roll holder and suggested doing something very unhygenic with it - which I of course refused! :eek:)

Who knows what he told her, or what she chose to believe? I never intended what happened to happen, and deeply regretted it even during "the act". I don't know why he did it (he thought she was at home, after all).

I think the general consensus is right though. I'm going to let sleeping dogs lie.

notanewuser

Perhaps scapegoat wasn't the right word. I've known many people, male and female that have cheated on their partners and the excuses that've come up with to convince their partner that it was not their fault have in some cases been laughable. But partners have swallowed the lies hook, line and sinker and carried on.

An ex of mine got somebody pregnant while I was living with him. We split up and I moved out none the wiser, until he brought his 6 month old baby round to meet me (yes really) 10 months later. :eek:

That was about 15 years ago and I still hear bits and pieces about him through mutual friends. If he contacted me or I saw him out and about I'd be friendly, I think. I'm not bitter about the cheating - we didn't make each other happy, and I'm glad he found somebody that did in the end - if it hasn't happened I might not be where I am now!

ognum

All this happened 15 years ago and you have managed fine without each other as friends since then, my suggestion is you let things be!

OP I wonder if you are lonely? Being a SHM can leave you particularly in the winter a bit lost and alone. Maybe you need to work on creating new friendships? This is not supposed to be critical of you by the way, just a suggestion.

balletshoes

this is a definite "leave it alone, don't pick at the scab" situation as far as I'm concerned. Its been 15 years, she's still with the bloke you slept with behind her back. She doesn't want or need to hear from you, no good can come of this.

skintchick

OP, if I were you I would want to apologise, I definitely would, if only just to clear the air, but I think maybe you should leave it and see if you bump into her a few more times first.

I think that if it turns out your paths are crossing, and you are perhaps as mums socialising in similar circles, it would then be wise to send an apology so the air is as clear as possible when you bump into each other - otherwise you might end up being yelled at in front of a group of mums!

But I wouldn't do it on one sighting, they may have just been visiting the area, she may not usually go to places you frequent, you might drag it all back up for nothing.

If you feel the need to be forgiven, then maybe try forgiving yourself for it as this lady may still hate you and blame you, she may never forgive you. You can;t look to others for happiness and validation, you have to look inside yourself for that.

lazer

I think everyone is being a but harsh on the OP - she was 19!

Yes - she slept with someone she shouldn't, but its not the end of the world.

For all we know the friend and her boyfriend may have spilt up then and only got back together 5 years ago, we don't know what has happened in the meantime.

I'm not saying it is right to cheat, I am saying she was yound and made a mistake.

The couple were both out cheating on each other - so it doesn't sound like a strong relationship, it has obviously become one over time, but back then t clearly wasn't.

OP the best thing you can do is forgave yourself - you are not to blame for this - your friend and her boyfriend are much more to blame, who knows your actions may have been the catalyst to them sorting out their relationship.