What would you think?

Dramallama

I'm a regular user but have registered a new name for this one as its a bit sensitive.

When I was 19 I met a girl at college (we were on the same course, studying part time) and we became the best of friends. She was 4 years older than me and had been with her fella for a couple of years and they lived together, but we had a fab time studying and socialising together.

At some point she and her bloke were having some troubles and she developed a major crush on a co-worker. They used to flirt at work and by text etc. We were out one night, and this co-worker was away playing golf. They were texting, and all of a sudden she announced that she was going to drive down to this guy's hotel to see him. We'd not been out long, so she wasn't even a little bit drunk, and seemed to know what she was doing. I tried to persuade her not to, but she left and as far as I knew she'd gone to meet this guy.

A couple of hours later her boyfriend rang me to find out where she was, as she wasn't answering her phone. I didn't know what to say- didn't want to drop her in it, but what could I say. I told him she was in the loo and that I'd get her to ring him when she came out. I then tried calling her, but she didn't answer.

Her boyfriend turned up at the bar about an hour later, looking for her. Of course she wasn't there, but he found me. I told him I thought she'd gone home, and they must have crossed each other. I'm an awful liar. He decided he might as well stay for a drink, and 2 pints in starting sharing his woes about their relationship. We both got drinker and drunker, and I'm not sure how but he ended up at my house. One thing led to another (even though I'd never had any feelings for this guy. Guess I was worried about my friend and he was down about their relationship troubles. No excuse I know, but we were both to blame).

I went downstairs to go to the loo and get a drink, and the next thing I know her car pulls up outside my house, she's screaming at me to open the door (which I did) and he's done a bunk out of the back door (i had a victorian mid-terrace so he had to jump over about 10 6 foot fences to get out). I let her in, and we rowed and fought as you'd expect. When she eventually left she grabbed a brick out of her car and lobbed it through my front window.

Needless to say we never spoke again.

Fast forward 15 years and I'm now married with a toddler and living 15 miles away from my old house. LO and I were out for a walk around the shops locally last week when I spotted my ex-friend and a bloke in the car park, getting a pram and baby out. Bizarrely we both have the same very unusual prams. I was very spooked about it. A quick google when I got home and I discovered that she's still living with the same guy but has moved a few miles from me.

I've found a Facebook profile that's think is hers, but don't know whether or not to contact her. I've always regretted what happened, and she obviously forgave him (and him her, I suppose), but I don't know whether I'd be completely insane to send a request or message to her.

What do you think?

claretmatt

Not sure why you'd want to poke the hornets nest?

It seems like, after 15 years a coincidence to see her again. I'd put it to the back of my head and move on.

If you start crossing paths more often then i'd have another think about it.

Good story though

UsernameAlreadyExists

15 years later?
What do you hope to achieve from making contact? Some sort of closure? Do you "need" it ?
You should have moved on!

EDIT: +1 to previous post ... beaten to it.

Dramallama

I'm not sure. Being a SAHM to my LO has given me some time for some introspective thought I guess. I tend to think of coincidences being more important than perhaps they really are. We had another friend at the time, who sided with her, who I saw in passing about a month back. I find it quite weird that this stuff is happening where I live now when we all lived elsewhere back then.

Have seen a few old faces in the past few months (old school friends etc), and having time on my hands has seen me recalling events and thinking/over thinking things.

I don't know what I'd hope to achieve. Perhaps st the opportunity to apologise and tell her that I'm pleased she seems to have what she always wanted out of life.

Tropez

If she forgave him, she could have forgiven you.

But think about the worst case scenario - you get in touch and she replies with an expletive laden response about how she hates you... can you live with that? Because if you can, then you might as well give it a go. Maybe something good can come out of it.

Dramallama

Tropez wrote: »

If she forgave him, she could have forgiven you.

Yes, I think I've probably always been subconsciously upset about that.

Tropez wrote: »

But think about the worst case scenario - you get in touch and she replies with an expletive laden response about how she hates you... can you live with that? Because if you can, then you might as well give it a go. Maybe something good can come out of it.

The worst thing would be that she posts a tirade publicly on my wall that could be read before I got to it!!!

UsernameAlreadyExists

Dramallama wrote: »

I don't know what I'd hope to achieve. Perhaps st the opportunity to apologise and tell her that I'm pleased she seems to have what she always wanted out of life.

Would you appreciate an apology from someone that you'd "wronged" 15 years ago? I wonder if you could care less, and even less accept it and then go on to rekindle the old friendship that you once had.

I'd imagine that this is eating you up inside far more than her, so consider your post here a confession and say 10 Hail Marys and all your sins will be forgiven.

I wonder if you did remake contact, she'd throw another brick

Dramallama

UsernameAlreadyExists wrote: »

Would you appreciate an apology from someone that you'd "wronged" 15 years ago? I wonder if you could care less, and even less accept it and then go on to rekindle the old friendship that you once had.

I'd imagine that this is eating you up inside far more than her, so consider your post here a confession and say 10 Hail Marys and all your sins will be forgiven.

I wonder if you did remake contact, she'd throw another brick

I did wonder! It's not hard to find my address online now!! :eek:

Tropez

Dramallama wrote: »

Yes, I think I've probably always been subconsciously upset about that.



The worst thing would be that she posts a tirade publicly on my wall that could be read before I got to it!!!

Just set your profile so only confirmed friends can post on your wall.

podperson

Personally I would leave well alone. Just because she obviously forgave the guy doesn't mean that she will have forgiven you (in fact it's quite possible that the whole thing has been portrayed as entirely your fault, some people have to have someone to 'blame'). She's unlikely to welcome you back into her life with open arms - do you see her asking you round for tea with her, her partner that you slept with and their new child - that wouldn't be awkward at all would it?

It sounds like you're wanting to get in touch more so that you can make yourself feel better and less guilty by apologising to her. If she'd cared about salavging your friendship then you would have contacted you - but she hasn't, she's moved on with her life and I doubt she would want you raking up the past and possibly bringing up old issues with her partner.

peachyprice

Why did she even have a brick in her car?