Would love to be debt free but budget is a nightmare

KiKi

Is your husband a hoarder, OP?

I get the impression that, quite frankly, you're happy to carry him, put up with him. You don't want that to change, nor are you fussed if he doesn't do anything to support. That's fine if you're happy to put up with it, but I cannot see you many any headway - whatsoever - unless you ride roughshod over his opinions and approach.


As a cat lover and owner you need to stop breeding, you can't afford it. And the pens aren't heated? Please tell me your cats aren't out in the cold weather with no warmth right now...?! (Sorry, but I tend to care more for animals than humans.)

worried48

Heffi1 wrote: »

If your OH will not enter into discussion with you, then how about writing him a letter, setting out exactly how you feel and what you would like to happen, give it to him and make yourself scarce for a couple of hours so he can read it and digest it, then say when you return you want to chat, it is not a request, more an ultimatum so he knows you are serious.

I've tried that before, only with email. He just sends nasty emails back.

It looks to me like a parent and child relationship you two have instead of a partnership, if that is the case then the parent (you) need to be strong and decide what you want to happen and make it happen, he is obviously not going to help, so if it were me, I would arrange for the removal men to show up one day to have a look around and give you a quote, you don't need to go through with it, but it might give him the kick up the backside I fear he desperately needs. If he thinks you are going to do it without his help, he might just be invested in the stuff to arrange to sort through and salvage his prized possessions, maybe say it goes at the end of January so you have until then to sort it out, if not then don't complain later when it is gone.

I love it, but I wouldn't dare!

worried48

KiKi wrote: »

Is your husband a hoarder, OP?

Just a bit! Mind you I am rather that way myself. Not as bad as he is though.

As a cat lover and owner you need to stop breeding, you can't afford it. And the pens aren't heated? Please tell me your cats aren't out in the cold weather with no warmth right now...?! (Sorry, but I tend to care more for animals than humans.)

Some pens are heated, but in fact you'd probably be surprised at how the cats are often very happy to sit out in the cold run rather than in the nice heated part of the house, as long as it's dry and not windy. This applies even to thin coated breeds, many of my breeder friends comment on it every winter - apparently it was the same even in the two very cold winters we had, though I did not have any cats outside that year except one (now rehomed) whose coat was so thick that he resembled a sheep (he had heated pads in his bed). But some were intended only for summer use and do not have heating. One of my breeds is thick coated and they seem to be perfectly happy in unheated pens at the moment - you'd probably be surprised at how warm they can be kept with heat pads and bedding.

worried48

sueh6 wrote: »

Worried - are you scared of this man?

That would probably be an overstatement, but perhaps, yes.

Why does he have to be out of the house for some teenage boys to come in and do some of things that he can't/won't do?

Can you imagine the row there would be if they tried to move his stuff when he was here? Unthinkable!

You also state that he's rubbish at the paperwork but is obviously in charge of the finances due to your comment about turnover and stock??? And he won't disclose his debt to you???

Well it's not quite that simple. I deal with the bank accounts (including his personal one), he doesn't want to know. I do know how much he owes on one card and can have a very good guess (because I know roughly how much he pays each month) about what he owes on the other, but he won't tell me about that one.

If I was in your position I'd be speaking to the Bank about the financial positoin, making changes to how you order your components, making room in your home for stock etc etc.

But the business, including the business account, is in his name. He is officially a sole trader, I think (chequebook and card say "trading as" and although I am a signatory on cheques, I do not have my own card for the business)

Heffi1

I have read enough excuses now, if and when you want to change the situation then maybe come back on here and ask for help. You have ignored or given an excuse for every different solution offered.

If you are living in fear then there are places like Womens Aid who can offer advice and support.

I am sorry to say it but you don't appear to want to change the situation you find yourself in, whether through fear or inertia, something has to give.

Has this man ever threatened you to keep you quiet?

worried48

Heffi1 wrote: »

I have read enough excuses now, if and when you want to change the situation then maybe come back on here and ask for help. You have ignored or given an excuse for every different solution offered.

If you are living in fear then there are places like Womens Aid who can offer advice and support.

No no, it's not like that at all. But there are two of us and I cannot simply ride roughshod over his wishes, however unreasonable they might be. Marriage does not work like that, at least not for us it doesn't.

Another letter from the bank today asking him to discuss the business overdraft before it expires on Dec 31st. He is to send in a financial statement a few days before he meets this chap. Christmas in the middle. Marvellous. Husband tells me to do the financial statement but still hasn;t sent me the spreadsheet, then he says the overdraft renewal date is actually in january and this is just about the monthly reduction and they have got the dates confused. Fine, but I don't want to be down to zero o/d at a time when there is no money coming in and the VAT has to be paid.

:mad:

heartbreak_star

Worried...he's a lazy slob, you're scared of him, he's been aggressive about your cats...

Would he hurt the cats if you tried to get rid of his stuff?

You need to get out hun. You're enabling a nasty piece of work, or at least that's how I see it.

If it's not the case, then good luck...

HBS x

worried48

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Worried...he's a lazy slob, you're scared of him, he's been aggressive about your cats...

Would he hurt the cats if you tried to get rid of his stuff?

That is one thing that worries me. I don't know. He did throw a kitten down the stairs last year (I can't remember why). Fortunately it was unhurt and I made it as clear to him as I could that if he ever did anything like that again he would be out. He did at least admit after that, that his reaction was over the top.
Anyway, the bank is sorted out, at least temporarily. They want to see him or talk to him at length on the phone before the end of January. He won't want to do that, he won't do the financial statement they want, he has now pushed off to bed in a state of depression, I will have to do it and it will be fictitious but there it is, the chances of us being able to get rid of the o/d by the end of January are not high and even if we could, we would then be into the time of the year where retailers of non-essential goods don't sell anything much for about two months.

exarmydreamer

worried48 wrote: »

That is one thing that worries me. I don't know. He did throw a kitten down the stairs last year (I can't remember why). Fortunately it was unhurt and I made it as clear to him as I could that if he ever did anything like that again he would be out. He did at least admit after that, that his reaction was over the top.

He sounds lovely, should be reported for cruelty, IMHO.


he won't do the financial statement they want, he has now pushed off to bed in a state of depression, I will have to do it and it will be fictitious but there it is, the chances of us being able to get rid of the o/d by the end of January are not high

You can not and should not submit any fictitious paperwork to a bank, it is called fraud. Look you sound depressed, go and speak to your GP and find support out side of the home.


He is abusive and a hoarder by the sounds of it. I'm afraid you can't run a business or breed animals like this. Sorry to be blunt but there is no way of sugar coating it.

He is dragging you down and probably has been for some time which is why you are making excuses. I had a father just like this.

heartbreak_star

worried48 wrote: »

That is one thing that worries me. I don't know. He did throw a kitten down the stairs last year (I can't remember why).

Leave him. Please. Temporarily rehome the cats - have you some breeding-related friends that could take them till you're safe?

I hate to say it, but next time it could be you that gets hurt or threatened. Contact Women's Aid, build a support network, get a solicitor, and fight for what's yours. He can look after his debts. Currently he's the net tying you down...he certainly doesn't seem to make you feel loved.

Massive amounts of love.

HBS x