Would love to be debt free but budget is a nightmare

worried48

Running_man wrote: »

Sorry if this sounds harsh.

No, none of you sound harsh. I realise our situation is very different from most and also that the idea of not being able to "make" your husband do what you want him to do sounds odd to many.

Your husband to me is bone idle

Absolutely agree and have told him so many times.

Redundant 30 years ago-And bet he been claiming benefits.Either before he met you or even with you.

Not since we married. In fact nwhen we first married I was doing Kleeneze and we tried to do that together. Hopeless. Couldn't get him out of bed in the morning, couldn't get him to get the catalogues ready to go out, ended up doing it in the dark most of the time which makes it much more difficult. Hopeless. Not that I could do it now anyway because I can't walk now (except a few yards with two sticks)

You say he wont do this wont do that-course he wont you let him get away with it.He wont discuss things-Fine sell his books etc.Without telling him- any complaints tell him well you try to discuss things but he didnt want too

Can't do that - well, I could only do it (even in theory) if I could get him out of the house for the time it took someone to come and remove the books, and then book them to come at the time I knew he would be out. Which is difficult because he has no interests outside the home so no predictable time when he is out.

You say you live rent free well alot of people would love to do that.So even your dad making it easy for you both.You should be extremely well off.

Yes I acknowledge that.

FinKite

Look, I get that it's basically impossible to make a bone idle man do anything.
But WHY are you letting him make decisions? e.g. re the storage unit?

I expect he think you should get rid of the cats - I certainly do. Why don't you make a list of the things that HAVE to be done, e.g.
- get rid of the less popular breed of cat
- move stock into house
- dispose of any old stock that doesn't sell by end Jan on eBay

As he's a lazy waste of space, you may need to get a handyman in for the unit clearance and even posting out sold stock. You can do the eBay listing yourself though (or selling through other channels?)

You don't ask him, you tell him.
He is LAZY. How hard is he going to push back when you TELL him, don't ASK him? I imagine he'll have a strop and a sulk. Boo hoo.

Most of all though, you NEED to know how much he owes.

rising_from_the_ashes

I'm starting to get a bit confused ... (easily done!)

Worried where does your hubby get his money from if he doesn't work / doesn't get benefits etc?

What income is coming into the house - is it only the money from the cats?

worried48

No, we run a successful business. The difficulty is that during the recession the turnover has dropped dramatically - we registered for VAT when we had to, these days our turnover is well below the point where we would need to register for VAT (we remain registered because it is advantageous for us to remain so). Getting the figures out of my husband is quite difficult because he is very bad at updating the spreadsheet and even worse at giving me a copy, but I estimate our turnover has halved.

This afternoon I suggested that we might do better to return to the practice we used before of importing a component of what we sell direct from China rather than getting it through a wholesaler. Husband's answer, we can't afford to do that. I replied that we can as long as we order once a month rather than months of stock at a time. He says there is nowhere to put it unless we keep the large storage unit. I point to a corner of the office where his books (in boxes not unpacked for more than11 years) are stacked up. I suggest moving those books into the spare room (he says we can't put the stock in there because we would then need to open the door every day which would be difficult because it doesn't shut easily - and the fact that there are always empty boxes piled in front of the door does not help). He says it's a lot of effort to move them. I suggest we pay one of the neighbour's teenage lads to move them. He says there's no room in there anyway. And on it goes.

rising_from_the_ashes

Until he accepts there's a problem, it's going to be really difficult to do anything very constructive but you could actually just organise for the teenage lads to come & move the stuff - then it's done & he can moan if he likes but that's it!

Aside from that, all you can do really is concentrate on sorting the cats out as quickly as you can ....

By coincidence, I rehomed an adult dog from a breeder earlier this year as she was in a similar situation and found herself with too many females past breeding age than she could really cope with (as well as the younger ones that she still bred from, plus pups from this years' litters to bring on!).

There will be people interested in the breeds you have and willing to rehome older animals ... it's just looking in the right place and finding us!

worried48

rising_from_the_ashes wrote: »

Until he accepts there's a problem, it's going to be really difficult to do anything very constructive but you could actually just organise for the teenage lads to come & move the stuff - then it's done & he can moan if he likes but that's it!

If I could get him out of the house for a few hours, yes ....

It might also help if he'd have the temperature lower than about 100 degrees in the office (OK it may not actually be 100 but it's very high and he just won't turn it down)

There will be people interested in the breeds you have and willing to rehome older animals ... it's just looking in the right place and finding us!

Yes, that is certainly where I will be going after Christmas.

Heffi1

If your OH will not enter into discussion with you, then how about writing him a letter, setting out exactly how you feel and what you would like to happen, give it to him and make yourself scarce for a couple of hours so he can read it and digest it, then say when you return you want to chat, it is not a request, more an ultimatum so he knows you are serious.

It looks to me like a parent and child relationship you two have instead of a partnership, if that is the case then the parent (you) need to be strong and decide what you want to happen and make it happen, he is obviously not going to help, so if it were me, I would arrange for the removal men to show up one day to have a look around and give you a quote, you don't need to go through with it, but it might give him the kick up the backside I fear he desperately needs. If he thinks you are going to do it without his help, he might just be invested in the stuff to arrange to sort through and salvage his prized possessions, maybe say it goes at the end of January so you have until then to sort it out, if not then don't complain later when it is gone.

sueh6

Worried - are you scared of this man? Why does he have to be out of the house for some teenage boys to come in and do some of things that he can't/won't do?

You also state that he's rubbish at the paperwork but is obviously in charge of the finances due to your comment about turnover and stock??? And he won't disclose his debt to you??? If my DH was as lazy as yours, given the fact that he hasn't worked for 30+ years, I'd make damn sure that I was in charge of my business finances.....especially when he has personal debt that he doesn't want to talk about.

If I was in your position I'd be speaking to the Bank about the financial positoin, making changes to how you order your components, making room in your home for stock etc etc. Having said that all the advice in the world won't help if you're not prepared to take it.

Betty_Crumble

worried48 wrote: »

O he won't talk things through, he has this extremely annoying habit of refusing to discuss things, simply blocking any discussion by saying, repeatedly but calmly, that he won't discuss it. It is extremely effective because it is not possible to discuss things with a brick wall! If ever he does engage in discussion about anything remotely connected with money or with the house his answer is always that it is "your filthy animals" that are the problem. Just now I have found stock on the landing that has been ruined by the cats - this happens frequently. I ask him not to leave stock on the landing but he won't put it in the office or in the spare room (two places the cats are not allowed) because there isn't enough room in there (according to him). There is a broken heater downstairs waiting to be returned to staples, he can't return it because they won't take it in bin liners and he "can't" find a box for it. The empty boxes blocking up the entrance to the spare room, which have been there for weeks and are more than big enough, are needed for his books, allegedly. The garden shed was standing empty for about three years waiting for him to put his books in there. He never did, then he complained bitterly when I had it converted into a cat pen.

Yes it is a problem.

It seems to me you may be both to blame and there may be resentment on both sides. I reckon the cats need to go first so he knows your serious and then its short, sharp shock, give hime a very tight deadline and when its up act on it.
Also this... Getting the figures out of my husband is quite difficult because he is very bad at updating the spreadsheet and even worse at giving me a copy, but I estimate our turnover has halved from someone who wont discuss money is frightening. You are a better woman than me coz he'd be out on his @rse, must be why i'm single lol :rotfl:

vasseur

catandy wrote: »

ive been following the whole of your post with interest as it almost exactly tallies with my situation - I'm in business with my ex and like you its just about showing signs of becoming profitable and things moving in the right direction, ex does or rather did nothing to move the business along and does nothing to help with living expenses/ business expenses (he still lives in the flat with me until hes in a position to move out - long story...) and I pay all the bills/ kept the business afloat whilst it was getting to the position it is now and keeping a roof above all our heads with little to no help.

you know what I've found with all this going on? that eventually you run out of options / money/ credit/ juggling opportunities and you have to face the music - for us it was as flat mates and business partners for you it will be as a couple and business partners.

My ex sounds like your hubby - didnt want to do the 'money conversation' and more than willing for me to shoulder the responsibility and then moan that we didnt have the money to do something business wise or that I moan to turn off the heating at home that we cant afford it.

LBM for ex was when I told him that he has to do his fair share, both on a practical level and financially. He's resisted it all the way (doing a good impression of a spoilt child with all the objections thrown in - sounds a bit like your hubby ).

Anyway fast forward 3 months of me prevaricating due to his 'making it difficult' and I really dont have any options now - he has to run the business and I've had to sign up for a DMP which at current calculations will take me over 9 years to clear. He is responsible for getting on with making our business work, me I'm concentrating on keeping my head above the water.

Moral of the story - by running a business and home together your monies 'cross over' at times particularly when establishing it and growing it (im sure you undertand what I mean) but to make it worthwhile theres got to be some give and take. He currently sounds like he knows how to do the latter...

I hope you sort it out before you get in the same 'no choice' situation that ive ended up. For your future and for your own sanity as well.

This could be the best warning you will get. I hope you manage to sort things one way or another soon. At the moment I am finding it hard to see what you are getting out of either the business or the marriage.