What age do you stop....................

Hermia

My mum would always get me a big stocking full of presents as an adult, but they were only inexpensive items (chocolate coins, book of stamps, lip balm). I think she liked wrapping things up!

mumcoll

My 'children' are 34, 31 and 27 and this is the first year I have called a halt as hubby has lost his job, they are having vouchers of £50 each. I feel liberated at not having to do the whole Christmas shopping thing. Hubby and I aren't buying for each other either and will have a little spend in the sales.

Emmarillo

miss_independent wrote: »

I'm 28, single and living at home (what a catch, eh?!) and my parents have always spent loads on me. Two years ago, out of the blue, my Dad spent about £1000 on me!!! I was so very grateful but also felt really guilty. This year, they have told me that we are cutting back and getting three things to open. I don't tend to ask for things though. Was never the kid with a list of exactly what I wanted, just one main pressie and the rest surprises. I have asked for a perfume that I like (after I was asked what I wanted) but there are lots of things I'd like but would never ask for. My mum tends to get me practical things, my dad gets more extravagant things.

Tbh, I think it's given me unrealistic expectations. My Dad has always lavished luxury gifts on my Mum and I and as a child I thought that's how all husbands are. However, I have never had a present off a man except for a second hand book once and I know a lot of couples don't get each other Christmas or Birthday presents at all or if they do, it's something like a new iron or drill! To me at first that seemed alien but I know that it's actually the other way round and most men aren't like my Dad and they don't "spoil" you. So at least now, I know how things work!

I'm saying all this but every since I was young, I spend at least £100 on my parents at Christmas time and Birthdays etc. So it's not that I'm a taker. If I could afford to spend £2000 each on them at Christmas I would but as it stands it's usually a full weeks wages I spend on them. They work very hard and they mean the world to me.

I don't think your expectations are unrealistic. The value of presents doesn't matter to me, but the thought behind it definitely does. We've had years of no money where my husband has made me compilation CDs of my favourite songs or tracked down a second hand copy of my favourite childhood book etc, and to be honest I consider myself more spoilt than my sister in law who always demands and expects diamonds for Christmas. My brother doesn't have to put any thought in at all.

KiKi

My parents spend around £40-50 on me. I can't imagine, ever, receiving such extravagant presents at Christmas of a couple of hundred pounds, let alone a sofa full of gifts! It's completely alien to me. If I want an iPad (and I really do!) I know I have to buy that myself. Even on my 30th my 'big' present was a Denby crockery set around £80 which was bought between my parents and my sister and BIL.

I genuinely don't understand the mentality of spending thousands at Christmas. I'm not criticising it, just saying I don't understand it as it's not something I've ever been a part of.

I remember when I was 12 I was allowed £25 to choose my own present (first time ever) and I was so thrilled. I bought loads of stationery!

KiKi

Spendless

It must have just evolved as I don't recall a year when I had less than the year before, but I do receive less than when I was a child -and is something I expect to happen. So, I assume it reduced a little when I started working and a bit more perhaps when my sister started f-time work (there's a 7 year gap and I don't remember her having a pile of presents bigger than mine, even when I'd left school), a further reduction when we left home and got married and then again when grandchildren came along. I think what happened is parents started giving money instead as we grew older instead of lots of presents, as I had no idea how much they used to spend gift wise- it was probably easy to reduce the amount by giving us cash.

seashore22

You don't ever stop do you?

We all love Christmas, but every year swear that we aren't going to go as mad as the previous year. We always fail because I love giving presents. Let's see what happens this year.

We seem to have a long list of must haves ie Chocolate Orange, Chrismas tree decoration etc that my children (aged mid twenties) would be devastated if they didn't have. They aren't expensive but they are essentials now.

In fact it's even worse now that they have husband and serious boyfriend because we now do the same for them too.

I actually think it will only be curtailed when the grandchildren come along. Maybe.

miss_independent

VestanPance wrote: »

I think you just have to adjust to what each other is brought up to think is normal. For instance when I was a kid birthdays were never fussed over. You got a cake, no presents or cards and that was it. To me that was normal, so I it tool me some time to adjust to my ex and her family going mad over my birthday which they did for each other.

Plus the fancy gifts means nothing. I got cheated on and dumped having just booked a surprise New York trip Christmas present for my then wife, which was one of a long line of "fancy" birthday or Christmas treats I'd thought of getting her over the years. I was looking at romantic restaurants overlooking the Hudson, she was banging some bloke from her work. Merry Christmas!

Your ex-wife's behaviour was appalling! However, if you read the "What do YOU want for Christmas?" thread you'd have a laugh at my fantasy list - I think you are my ideal man Vestan!

But yeah...even though in the past I've had boyfriends who didn't "do" gifts, cards or flowers, I'd always get them something nice and thoughtful because that's one way my family have always shown their love. Suppose you have to compromise...and it's usually me who compromises lol! I think having to force someone to get you a gift spoils the sentiment. If its given grudgingly what's the point?

VestanPance

I'm fairly certain I'm nobodies ideal man! Even my mum used to give me pelters.

There's no point in forcing gifts, as you say it lacks the sentiment. I always liked giving gifts, more than receiving them. Particularly if you can surprise (in a good way) the person you love with something they really wanted or would appreciate. I was cringing the other day listening to a couple of lads in the work talk about the presents they were getting their good ladies. Sounded like a couple of surprises in store, but not of the good kind! Including that all time classic of buying her something he wants, but using it as an excuse that it'll get her interested in this thing she's never had any interest in.

That said when I look back at things I think it's important to remember what is special and that is to enjoy and cherish the time in the company of those you love. Money doesn't buy that as corny as it sounds. The presents or gifts are fantastic for those than can afford them, but they're an added extra not the main attraction.

SUESMITH_2

still buy loads and my kids are 17 and 20 - but its bits and bobs not loads of expensive things. dds boyfriend is joining us this year and I've got loads of bits for him too - if, and when grandchildren come along they will get instead which is what my mum did.

I cannot understand the mentality of Ipads and laptops unless you are seriously well off, what message does that send? i don't want to get into debt which is what i would have to do to afford stuff like that.

anyway, everyone who comes for Christmas lunch gets a table gift as well, only little somethings i have picked up cheap during the year but its just nice for everyone to have a little something to open