The Ultimate Incentive natters on. Part 9

clearmydebts

I think Lara, as usual , gave some excellent advice. There are lots of options for you as a family, and taking control of this will make you feel better.

Dinah - do you think it might be worth your while going back to the GP to see if you can stay off work for a bit longer. I can only reiterate that there are so many things going on at the moment, that it is not surprising at all xxx

Here is my tuppence worth (might be harsh but I know you appreciate honesty).

Can you survive on NIM's wages alone? If so, then don't go back to work. There are other ways of making money & also on cutting back. I am currently looking at 2 options (baby related) to making extra money at the moment. Your area might be saturated with them, but also it might be something that interests you, or inspires you to do something else. I will PM them to you.

What about your other business? Is it going to take off at any point, or should you forget about it? Can you make money on it?

If you can't survive on his wages, how many days a week do you need to do in order to get by and pay back the debts. Work this out and see if your work will allow it.

If you can come to a happy medium/compromise with any of the above and can afford to live a little and get rid of the debts why not enjoy being a family, have a second child and just enjoy living in the present rather than striving for qualifications etc that are ultimately stressing the hell out of you Dinah.

I'm sorry, but IMO most of us would like to go and pursue something different. In my case it is interior design (which I was lucky to do a year of on a 1 day basis). In my OH's case it was music and he did this before children. I don't think most of us have the luxury of doing this when the kiddies do arrive (esp if the other person is depressed as a result of working full-time & worrying about debts).

Your debts are quite significant particularly if you are the only earner Dinah. Before Grace you had the time and energy to pay them off, but now, and quite rightly, your whole focus is on her. Potentially it could be years before you both sort yourselves out moneywise if you don't take action now. You are both very lucky that you have a house. Why not pay off the debts, pay off the mortgage and then look at further studies?

And finally (if you have gotten this far!!!) - I don't think ye should plan anymore foreign holidays, and maybe should cancel Greece if you can. They are expensive and Grace wouldn't care less as long as she is with ye both. The reality is that ye can't afford this holiday.

I am only saying this out of your best interests and also as someone who is a few years older and still hasn't shifted all the debt. I am starting to listen to my own advice, no holidays for us this year. Lol!

Dinah - I would really recommend this book. It has spurred me on to clear my debts asap and to stop sabotaging myself financially
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Savvy-Womans-Guide-Financial-Freedom/dp/184488290X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1368796811&sr=8-1&keywords=savvy+womans+guide+to+financial+freedom

Birdie85

Excellent advice girls, agree with everything you've said (although I think it's too late to cancel Greece as it's a big family holiday for a wedding and IIRC a shared villa with the rest of the family so not easy/fair to pull out). Gosh, we've got a bunch of wise owls on here! You know CMD means business when she gets really Irish in her writing too! As an aside, it's good to hear that you're firmly back on the wagon CMD!

Not much to add that hasn't been convered Dinah, but big squishy hugs for the dark and twisties, I don't like knowing that any of our girls are struggling and I can't do anything about it.

Tete_en_l'Air

Birdie85 wrote: »

You know CMD means business when she gets really Irish in her writing too!

:rotfl: I was thinking the exact same!

Excellent advice from Lara and CMD there. I can't possibly add anything of any worth, but it seems you do have a lot of options and like the others say - you're a woman of action so as soon as you draw up a plan I'm sure you'll feel much better. You can start by looking at the receipts from Saturday and letting us know how much you want from us! - I feel terrible owing you £50+(?) and you being in such a state

As for Greece - when is it? I don't think you should cancel it, I think you should go, make the most of it, have a fantastic time, recharge your batteries and come back refreshed and raring to go. Maybe start to make a POA before you go, which you can mentally 'put away' while you're there. Perhaps you can then ebay your summer dresses when you get home as I definitely think the holidays need to be knocked on the head for a year or so.

OK so I guess I did have my tuppence worth to say after all Huge hugs :grouphug:

tinkerbel

Sounds like you all had a really good time last weekend! I like the sound of the July one but i dont know about Vintage get up! I wouldn't have anything to wear!
JDIJ sounds good too, I'll have to join in late I think though but ill start thinking about what I should have for it. Generally trying to save for house deposit still is not going well!

I was thinking D, can NIMs dad (I believe his family is very wealthy but may have made this up sorry) loan him the money for while he is studying? I know people whos parents are doing this so that they can continue to pay for things but they have an interest free loan from their parents to be repaid when they are in the profession they are working towards? This would surely take the pressure off you both as you would struggle less to earn enough for the whole household and looking after Grace etc. I know it would technically be taking on more debt but you would if you took a student loan anyway and i think it would be so hard for one income to support a baby and a student and pay for childcare.. Just my thoughts please forgive me if I'm rambling/not making sense/giving not asked for suggestions! I just hate hearing that you feel stressed and down and anxious about money and childcare and your job etc!
When are you off to Greece again? I would have that as a last holiday abroad for a while and try to set targets etc for your debt busting when you get back?

Birdie85

Yay Tink, we're slowly getting a good group together for the July meet! Surely you've got something a bit retro in your wardrobe, the fair spans about 50 years so you've got to have something that looks a bit like one of those decades!

Speaking of, we went to York yesterday and came across a vintage fair (when I say 'came across', I saw a lady advertising it and carefully but seemingly randomly guided OH towards the hall it was in over the space of an hour so he thought it was a random surprise and didn't mind going in! ) but it was such a disappointment! Not so much vintage, but retro-style stuff and rubbish bric-a-brac that had a 300% mark up on what it would cost at a car boot because it was 'vintage'! We also went to The Castle Museum in the afternoon and found the toy section pretty depressing as the stuff we played with as kids are now museum pieces!

N.I.M

Cinny & Birdie, I left out the £2 per item postage (Tete I realised before I PM'd you) then I tried to update you guys and pm'd myself so can you add £2 on. I'm fighting with the PM system now so it can go stuff itself

Hi Everyone else, I'll catch up on the thread later on.

wendz86

Good afternoon all,

Some good advise given to Dinah and NIM. I would agree go on the holiday but then dont book anymore. Hope you are feeling a bit better about things now.

The vintage fair sounds like a bit of a con Birdie. I love going to the childhood museum in bethnal green and seeing all the toys i had! My mum and dad still have some of them and POppy gets to play with them now.

Had a nice quiet weekend . Took Poppy to the play centre and also we went swimming on sunday which was nice.

Money situation isn't quite as drastic as i thought (missing numbers out in my excel sheet) but still not got much left and payday not till next thurs!

Cinny91

I feel so rotten for you Dinah, I've struggled with the same kind of issues (anxiety, stress, depression etc) and all I have to say is. It might get worse, it might get horrific but in the end it always gets better. That part's a fact! Focus on your bills in the way of essentials. So, you need a roof over your head (mortgage payment) you need to be safe and cared for (utilities and fuel) you need to be fed (grocery budget). When we were struggling I kept things in that order - after we'd done the food shop each week we'd divvy up what was left (it was rarely anything much) to clothes, what we could manage for a date night (this is why I have such an attachment to big macs - most times all we could afford was a long walk and a saver meal ) etc etc! I do agree with everyone else though, enjoy this holiday and time with your family, recharge your batteries then you can get focused I really doubt this swings in weather are helping your mood at the moment either, some full on sun will make you feel like a new person!

Love our mugs!! I'm 110% certain no one will want to be seen dead using my mug Someone stole my Fly or Die one on Saturday and I was fuming!

Like the sound of Just do it June I'm trying to eat healthily at the moment, I ate some fruit at work and Tete's future Husband was seriously shocked I'd eaten fruit. I'm like, I didn't think I was that bad?!! But I might use JDIJ to shred, or something. (she says)

N.I.M

Cinny when you say stole, please tell me its a case of used without asking rather than !!!!!!ing off with it and you're never getting it back

Cinny91

Borrowed without asking! There was a very suspicious tea stain on it Monday morning, when I know I washed it and put it away with my own fair hands on Friday. I think someone "borrowed" it for the breakfast club on Saturday, so who knows what mouth has defiled my mug it lives in my desk now! Lousy !!!!!!!!!!s.