Stepson problems

jennys_mum

Thank you for your replies. I have decided to get christmas out of the way and then speak with him. I am going to tell him that I intend to apply to the council for a house and explain that I'm not going to leave him, I just want to know that I have open options should I need them. I visited some friends of mine yesterday and they have a huge shed in their garden where they are more than happy for me to store things such as a cooker, washing machine etc if I happen across them nice and cheap and they will also keep their eyes open for anything I might need. They have said that they can store these for as long as I like, they are very good, trusted friends of long standing and I am so grateful.

His son has been moaning as he feels he can't come here for christmas dinner so I have offered to spend the day with my daughter so as not to make him feel pushed out but my partner has said he wants us to spend it together so now his son is blaming me. I forsee a lot of this in future.

System

I doubt if you will get a council house if your living alone... not only that, can you cope with the upkeep of a garden?

jennys_mum

Judi wrote: »

I doubt if you will get a council house if your living alone... not only that, can you cope with the upkeep of a garden?

I don't think I will get a house but hopefully a ground floor flat. To be honest if it comes to it I doubt I would want to be picky as long as I was safe.

jennys_mum

jennys_mum wrote: »

Thank you for your replies. I have decided to get christmas out of the way and then speak with him. I am going to tell him that I intend to apply to the council for a house and explain that I'm not going to leave him, I just want to know that I have open options should I need them. I visited some friends of mine yesterday and they have a huge shed in their garden where they are more than happy for me to store things such as a cooker, washing machine etc if I happen across them nice and cheap and they will also keep their eyes open for anything I might need. They have said that they can store these for as long as I like, they are very good, trusted friends of long standing and I am so grateful.

His son has been moaning as he feels he can't come here for christmas dinner so I have offered to spend the day with my daughter so as not to make him feel pushed out but my partner has said he wants us to spend it together so now his son is blaming me. I forsee a lot of this in future.

Sorry, I meant to say for housing.

themull1

jennys_mum wrote: »

Hi, I really need some advice. I moved in with my partner 2yrs ago. I lived in rented accomodation and thought long and hard before I made my decision. I gave up everything to move in here, all my furniture, white goods etc were given to the ymca as there was no room for them here. I worked full time and I had a well paid job so with me paying for all the food, toiletries etc we were comfortably well off.

Anyway my partners 30yr old son moved in with us a year ago. Everything was ok at first, we all worked full time and his son was barely in the house. Just after christmas I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome then a month later with cervical spondylosis, ankylosing spondylytis and rheumatoid arthritis. I went downhill very quickly and had to leave my job. A fight for DLA began then and continues.




Then my partners son gave up work and that's when the problems began. First of all there was the drug abuse, then he was having a relationship with his cousin, leaving clothes lying around everywhere, loud music on constantly, generally a total lack of respect for me, my partner or the house. He got his girlfriend of a few weeks pregnant and I was hoping he might buck his ideas up and get back on track but then he started bringing other girls home. He sat around all day playing dj on his recording decks, deafening me while his girlfriend was working hard to pay for things for the baby. He spent his money on drugs. I also suffer from anxiety and depression and I was becoming more and more depressed. I got so that I stayed in bed all day with ear plugs pushed so tightly into my ears that I damaged my right ear canal. If I came downstairs the noise from the base made my heart pound so I found it easier to stay upstairs. I literally lost the will to live and I was on the verge of a breakdown. I'd ask him to turn it down which he would but then 10 minutes later he would turn it back up again.

I asked my partner to speak to him as my nerves were in tatters but he just said it's a waste of time as he doesn't listen to anyone and has always been like it.

A couple of weeks ago the son went in the bath and was in there for 2hrs, I was waiting to use the toilet and my partner asked him several times to get out as I needed the loo but he ignored him. In the end I'm ashamed to say I lost control of my bladder and I went upstairs and sobbed. My partner went mad at his son and I just flipped out. I went and told him exactly what I thought of him and he threatened to have someone beat me up. My partner threw him out and although he is ok with his Dad, he is now trying to split us up, saying I'm using him and he should throw me out. He said I did nothing around the house which I admit at the time I had been so down that I didn't lift a finger.

My partner is 60 next year and is shattered as he does a hard manual job and I am worried sick about his health. I couldn't bear to lose him and now I am worrying that if God forbid anything did happen that his son would kick me out of the house.

Sorry if a lot of this doesn't make sense, I am in a bit of a state. Please, if anyone could give me some advice I would greatly appreciate it.

Why didnt you wee into a bowl or a bucket? thats what i would have done!!

jennys_mum

Treevo wrote: »

I don't really understand how you allowed yourself to soil yourself when there are so many other options.

In fact, just by looking at your actions as you've described them, it sounds as if you're attempting to manipulate your partner's son out of his life. Same with the son's actions but vice versa.

I can actually see where you're both coming from but I have a bit more sympathy for the son. You freely admit that you did nothing in the house because you felt low, so you effectively allowed your partner who works in a manual job to do it all with his son. The one you clearly have contempt for. What were you doing with your days?

Firstly I wet myself, other than going outside and doing it in the garden I really don't see what other options I had.

Secondly I am not trying to manipulate his son out of his life. I have offered to go to my daughters for christmas so that he can be with his son. Hardly manipulative is it?

Thirdly if you have never suffered from depression and anxiety then you have no idea. Also there is the fact that I am physically disabled too. When I was able I did everything, his son who is 30 by the way and not a child did nothing. He wouldn't even scrape his plate let alone wash it.

Fourthly yes I do have contempt for him. He threatened to have me beaten up, he has attacked his own Mother in the past so I had no reason to believe he wouldn't attack me.

Since he has moved out and I don't have to live with the deafening boom boom of his music all day, his clothes thrown all over the dining room which quite often stank of drugs, the endless stream of girls in and out all of the time I have been taking more than half of the beta blockers that I was and I am now cooking all of the meals and doing everything else in the house all be it very slowly.

I'll tell you what I did with my days, I lay in bed with earplugs in which didn't come close to drowning out the sound and I wished I could go to sleep and never wake up.

jennys_mum

jennys_mum wrote: »

Firstly I wet myself, other than going outside and doing it in the garden I really don't see what other options I had.

Secondly I am not trying to manipulate his son out of his life. I have offered to go to my daughters for christmas so that he can be with his son. Hardly manipulative is it?

Thirdly if you have never suffered from depression and anxiety then you have no idea. Also there is the fact that I am physically disabled too. When I was able I did everything, his son who is 30 by the way and not a child did nothing. He wouldn't even scrape his plate let alone wash it.

Fourthly yes I do have contempt for him. He threatened to have me beaten up, he has attacked his own Mother in the past so I had no reason to believe he wouldn't attack me.

Since he has moved out and I don't have to live with the deafening boom boom of his music all day, his clothes thrown all over the dining room which quite often stank of drugs, the endless stream of girls in and out all of the time I have been taking more than half of the beta blockers that I was and I am now cooking all of the meals and doing everything else in the house all be it very slowly.

I'll tell you what I did with my days, I lay in bed with earplugs in which didn't come close to drowning out the sound and I wished I could go to sleep and never wake up.

That should have said less than half.

I hope you or anyone close to you never suffers with a mental illness as you are clearly a very uncaring person.

Mara69

I would point out that if you are allocated a council home, it would be desperately unfair of you not to live in it.

peachyprice

Mara69 wrote: »

I would point out that if you are allocated a council home, it would be desperately unfair of you not to live in it.

I wouldn't worry, I doubt OP has a hope in hell of getting housed.

McKneff

Ive peed in a bucket before today, when the toilet was out of action.

Any receptable would do in an emergency.