Stepson problems

Mojisola

jennys_mum wrote: »

Thank you RAS, he hasn't made a will and doesn't intend to, he also refuses to buy life insurance. saying there will be enough money for his son to pay for his funeral.

I can't seem to get it through to him that his son won't have access to his money if there is no will.

Also, I wouldn't trust him not to draw all of his Dads money out and squander it.

His son will be able to get his hands on all his Dad's money through the intestacy rules. If he doesn't want to arrange and pay for a funeral, he could walk away and leave his Dad's body in the morgue.

If I was in this position, I would be starting to protect my future, even if that meant leaving this man. Can you imagine the intimidation you could suffer if you were given the right to stay in the house until your death with this SS knowing that he couldn't get his hands on the money until after you're gone?

Herongull

If your partner cares for you, he will want to make sure you are provided for in the event of his death.

So he needs to make a will. Something like giving you a life interest in the house, with it reverting to the son on your death sounds reasonable.

Unless there is a real reason for him not making proper provision for you, then you must draw your own conclusions from his reluctance.

If you get married, then you will be provided for under intestacy rules, and the will is not critical.

cheepskate_2

jennys_mum wrote: »

Can I just say I don't want to keep the house, however I don't want to be kicked out on the streets as soon as anything happens either which given his previous actions I can forsee his son doing.

Then you need to get on with his son.

As of.........being kicked out asap by the son, I think the feeling you have to each other is mutual. You were not exactly sad at the son being booted out., In fact I would say you were quite happy. You cant have it both ways...

If you want control over this then you need to put by a deposit on a house , so if you are kicked out by the son....or boyfriend, then you have money to move on and secure a rental property quickly.

Mojisola

It's worth working your way through all this information - https://www.advicenow.org.uk/living-together/ - if you're not going to get married.

If you know where you stand - and you are in a very vulnerable position - you can make plans so that you don't end up homeless.

FBaby

I think the best for you would be to manage to get DLA and then agree with your partner to continue to pay for all the bills and you to put what you receive from DLA into a saving account so that you would have access to funds would you need to move out.

jennys_mum

Mojisola wrote: »

His son will be able to get his hands on all his Dad's money through the intestacy rules. If he doesn't want to arrange and pay for a funeral, he could walk away and leave his Dad's body in the morgue.

If I was in this position, I would be starting to protect my future, even if that meant leaving this man. Can you imagine the intimidation you could suffer if you were given the right to stay in the house until your death with this SS knowing that he couldn't get his hands on the money until after you're gone?

I am meeting with my therapist at MIND next week and we are going to discuss my options. Thank you for replying.

jennys_mum

Herongull wrote: »

If your partner cares for you, he will want to make sure you are provided for in the event of his death.

So he needs to make a will. Something like giving you a life interest in the house, with it reverting to the son on your death sounds reasonable.

Unless there is a real reason for him not making proper provision for you, then you must draw your own conclusions from his reluctance.

If you get married, then you will be provided for under intestacy rules, and the will is not critical.

Thank you, as I said earlier, we were going to get married next year anyway, however I'm not going to marry him for the wrong reasons and at the moment I'm not sure what I will do,

jennys_mum

cheepskate wrote: »

Then you need to get on with his son.

As of.........being kicked out asap by the son, I think the feeling you have to each other is mutual. You were not exactly sad at the son being booted out., In fact I would say you were quite happy. You cant have it both ways...

If you want control over this then you need to put by a deposit on a house , so if you are kicked out by the son....or boyfriend, then you have money to move on and secure a rental property quickly.

Yes I am happy he is no longer living here, I think anyone in my position after what I have had to put up with would feel the same. Living with someone who is using class A drugs is not pleasant. They are unpredictable, one minute crying on my shoulder and the next threatening to hurt me, so yes I am happy.

Mojisola

jennys_mum wrote: »

Yes I am happy he is no longer living here, I think anyone in my position after what I have had to put up with would feel the same. Living with someone who is using class A drugs is not pleasant. They are unpredictable, one minute crying on my shoulder and the next threatening to hurt me, so yes I am happy.

And it's very difficult for their loved ones to appreciate that the person might not behave well - but if the drugs are in control, you can't rely on someone doing what's right.

Your partner is probably hoping that, if he died, his son would behave well towards you.

jennys_mum

Eton_Rifle wrote: »

I just think someone should think about the man caught up in all this and understand his reticence to rush into things. Nobody is thinking of him and his needs.

He invited two people he loved to move into his home but they changed almost overnight. His girlfriend quickly turned from an independent strong woman to a home-based disabled dependent. His son also lost his job, became dependent and went off the rails.

This isn't what he signed up for and is a lot to happen in a short time and he's having to mentally adjust to this situation too. He will probably come round but right now people are demanding he puts them first when he must still be reeling from the shock. He knows his retirement is coming in the next decade and he's probably feeling trapped and a little frightened about the future himself.

Now these two people, whom he loves, are regarding each other as lazy free loaders and are thinking about his death and hounding him about what will happen to them, his money and their security. The man is only 59.

I agree the OP needs protection but I think the man needs time.
There's only so much burden you can put on a man before he cracks.

I have said exactly the same thing to my partner on many occasions, this is not what you signed up for. I would never have moved in if I thought for one minute that I couldn't pay my way. I have never been a scrounger and never depended on anyone else since I left school.

I am not hounding him, but I do think I have a right to ask him the question about what would happen to me in the event of his death. You talk as though I am needling him all of the time which I am not. Neither do I call his son all of the time, in fact I don't mention him at all. However my partner does tell me of the daily texts and calls from his son telling him to kick me out. His Dad has told him time and time again that he kicked him out because of his own behaviour, not mine.

His son thought I was wonderful right up until the time I stood up to him. He constantly told me how happy I made his Dad and on more than one occasion he told me if he could have picked his Mother he would have picked me. I was the one he used to come to crying when he was coming down off the drugs, it was only while he was taking them that he was nasty to me, his Dad, the neighbours, in fact anyone.

I have also stated that I do not want his money, if I did I would let him buy me the things he is always offering but I don't want them. I will say it again, I am not a scrounger. I just wanted to know if his son has the right to walk in here should anything happen to his Dad and kick me out. I don't want to live here indefinitely, all I want is some time to get my act together should I need to.

I don't think trying to make plans for my future is the same as wringing my hands together thinking of his money while he is still alive, which is how you have painted me.