Ways to make yourself happy when you're not?

3WayFreedom

Being in a bit of a hole for a couple of years and finally coming out the other side may I suggest two things to you.

-Take grains and sugar out of your diet for a few weeks (take a multi-B vitamin.) The gluten in grains can make people clinically depressed and feel like they are in a permanent fog. You can still eat meat, seeds, nuts, fat, diary, veg and fruit...even potatos. I poo pooed it until I tried it. It helped bring me out of post natal depression.

-Write down what you want in the future and then make a plan to achieve it. Write your plan in small steps so you're not overwhelmed and then follow them. Whether it be meeting new friends, losing weight, getting a new job, travelling to Oz...follow tiny steps until you get there. I have found that writing it down and doing something small towards my goals everyday is slowly getting me towards attaining my goals and giving me a sense of purpose.

Good luck, I hope you're feeling happier very soon. x x

fannyanna

lovewealthhappiness wrote: »

I know I sound like a moaning minnie,

lovewealthhappiness wrote: »

I know that comparatively I have nothing to be depressed about, I have a roof over my head and food on the table which is much more than many others have,

Please don’t belittle your feelings. Yes, there will always be someone worse off but that doesn’t mean that the individual things that we experience in our life are not difficult to handle.

You need to show yourself some compassion. You have and are still experiencing a horrible time in your life. You are allowed to feel angry / upset / [insert relevant emotion] and you shouldn’t feel bad for that.

I can understand your reluctance to take anti-depressants and I think you’re doing the right thing by trying to use healthy eating and exercise as a form of therapy. That in itself is a massive achievement. It can be really difficult when you’re depressed to find the energy / motivation to do such things.

Have you considered counselling? Part of depression is that vicious cycle. We don’t feel “well” enough to do the things that might make us feel better. Something needs to change to break that cycle but sometimes we’re in too deep to enact that change ourselves. That’s where you might find counselling very useful.

In the meantime, do you know what you enjoy doing? That may sound like a simple question but it’s not (so don’t beat yourself up if you struggle to answer this). Depression takes the joy out of life and things that we used to enjoy become a chore. Start trying to find little pleasures in life again. Have a nice bubble bath, enjoy a nice cup of hot chocolate, read a book, watch a DVD, listen to music (I really find music picks me up when I’m feeling low) paint your nails, go for a little walk etc.

If you have thoughts running around your head don’t keep them bottled up. Even if you feel you don’t have someone to talk to / or don’t want to talk to someone you’ll probably find putting your thoughts down in writing is quite therapeutic. You could post your thoughts on here if you want to feel as though you are talking to someone or need a hug (virtual hugs can be just as good as real hugs) or you can write things down and keep it to yourself. Alternatively, have you thought about writing your thoughts and then destroying the paper (either tear it to shreds or burn it).

Some suggestions might not work for you at all but hopefully it will get you thinking about what could work for you.

Last but not least please accept a very big virtual cuddle. Because your feelings are real and not stupid and they deserve acknowledging and a bit of sympathy * HUGS*

podperson

I was in a bit of a similar situation a few years. It helped me a lot to think about what I enjoyed doing - I actually found this surprising hard to start with because I hadn't done much just 'for me' in a while. I joined some groups - some weren't great, some I went to for only a short while, some I loved and stuck with - so don't be discouraged if you don't gel with the first ones you try. If you choose ones based on your likes/interests then it also makes it a bit easier to chat to new people as you know you have at least one thing in common that you can talk about.

I also tried to make a 'plan'. I realised I wasn't very happy with where I was at the moment, but that I'd also been there for quite a while and nothing much was changing because I was doing anything TO change it. So I made a list of goals - things I want to achieve, would like to do, where I would like to be. Some were massive and seemed 'pie in the sky' and were very long term, some were small and could be done in a few weeks or months. The surprising thing is that some of the ones I thought were ridiculous at the start are now actually looking doable, so starting small is definately the way to go.

Also, I just wanted to mention - you say your friends 'don't want to know', do they actually not want to or have you not given them much a chance since? I'm in a couple now but that really doesn't mean I don't want my single friends around - in fact sometimes it's great to have some time away, eg doing 'girly' things that my OH would have no interest in I'm just saying if you were previously really good friends then it may be worth giving them a try.

Anyway, sorry for waffling a bit - sending you *hugs* and I'm sure things will get better x

fannyanna

lovewealthhappiness wrote: »

I don't really want to spend money on therapy.

I missed this bit originally.

Why not?

If the soles of your shoes had a hole in them wouldn't you buy a new pair? If your car broke down wouldn't you pay to fix it?

I'm not suggesting that you are broken but you need some TLC. I think you deserve to invest in yourself!

Mojisola

In addition to the good advice already given, spend some time each day smiling.

The movement of the muscles involved in smiling and the release of endorphins is a two-way system - if you're happy, the brain releases endorphins and you smile; if you smile, the brain releases endorphins and you feel happier.

You might want to practice in private to start with - trying to smile when you don't really feel like it can make you look a bit weird!

Also, smiling at other people makes them feel happier - smile and spread the happiness.

mwa

Hello,

I know you say you don't want to take anti-depressants but have you considered St Johns Wort? I have been on anti-ds for a number of years on and off, most recently i decided i didn't want them any more but still suffered from a low mood. I decided to try St Johns Wort and it made a huge difference, no doctor involved and cheaper than a prescription:)

getmore4less

Making "friends" takes time, most are through through some common interest that means you spend time getting to know each other as aquantences.

school
college
kids
hobby
pub
work
etc.

There was a thread here where someone pointed at website where people organize local events(pub, bowling, meals etc) or go to an organized event as a group,(theatre, comedy, concerts etc)

I had a look at it and from what I could see in our local area it seemed to be working. some were very active others just going to a few things. Very broad range of ages and activities.

Looked very handy for people that are new to an area or for some other reason need to extend their social network.
(can't remember the name of the site but will have a search)


Another way to get people time without the need to be "trying" is to look at jobs like part time bar work. not allways possible when working allready in a demanding job.

Mojisola

mwa wrote: »

I know you say you don't want to take anti-depressants but have you considered St Johns Wort? I have been on anti-ds for a number of years on and off, most recently i decided i didn't want them any more but still suffered from a low mood. I decided to try St Johns Wort and it made a huge difference, no doctor involved and cheaper than a prescription:)

St John's Wort is very effective for mild depression but it also interacts with a lot of other medications so make sure it's not going to affect anything else you're taking - https://www.patient.co.uk/doctor/St-John's-Wort.htm

ognum

would it be possible for you to get an animal, clearly before anyone jumps on me this is only if you really want one and can afford to care for it.

Dogs do give unconditional love, they also help occupy some lonely times and they also create a link between yourself and others. If I am in a bad mood or fed up taking my dog out is calming and therapeutic, he is also great to cuddle up to and talk to!!!

I too would suggest volunteering, giving of yourself is a great way to get something back, creates friendships and helps to create order in your life. mybe cooking breakfast in a homeless shelter, visiting the elderly in a care home or helping give a respite hour to a mum. there are many charities who would love your help and you could get back to liking yourself.

other than that if you are really depressed you should visit you GP, try to get some talking therapy and really think about what you want from life.

VestanPance

I may be over simplifying things, but it seems to me your idea that you will be alone from this point onwards is at the root of your unhappiness.

I've made the decision to be alone from this point onwards, but I may have the personality type that can deal with that. I'm not a particularly social person, but even at that knowing I'll be alone from this point on still does cause me some moments of sadness.

I also see far less of my friends now as they are coupled up, but I don't think that is anything to do with me being single. It's more because when you're part of a couple it's easier to not notice you haven't seen one of your friends for a bit.

You have material wealth in a roof and food, but not mental wealth in terms of friendships and love. You might need to overcome your fears in social groupings and take some risks in terms of looking for a new partner even if that comes with the possibility of rejection if being alone causes you to feel like you do now.

I know full well that spending a lot of time on your own with just your thoughts for company isn't healthy for most people.