Ways to make yourself happy when you're not?

cheeswright

HI
loveweatlthandhappiness - nice name by the way
I think most of us are trying to be happy
(check out my sig. for a start !)

what actually does make you happy ?
I know it sounds like a naive question - but its probably the one you need to answer most.....

I like ??
I like seeing the results of a job I've finished ?
physically extending myself ?
challenging my brain ?
lying on the sofa sobbing over soppy movies ?
licking chocolate off other people ??
being outdoors ( possibly best not to combine this with the chocolate thing...but who am I to judge ? )

whatever it is that makes you feel content - find ways to extend it and do more of it..
you cannot wait for someone else to come along and make you happy..
so give us some ideas of what gives you a glow or is even just the positive side of blah ..and people will innundate you with suggestions

Bubby

(((hug)))

I know just how awful it feels to be so unhappy in your life and how sometimes just putting on the front that you are happy can make you feel worse.

The only things I found that helped me on my journey were to take some time to pamper myself, even if that meant just doing my hair or having a long soak. Rediscovering programmes that I liked to watch and making an effort to reach out and join in groups/friends. It is hard when most of your friends are in couples because some people feel akward asking you out when they are doing things in couples but there is no reason why you can't pick up with some of these people and explain how low you have felt (without pointing out their issues as not so great friends) and saying you have missed their friendship and would like to meet up.

Try not to focus on the future and what may or may not happen just live each day to the fullest and who knows what may happen

puppypants

Some good suggestions from other folks. Please do try hard to cut down on the alcohol. It solves nothing, the problems and feelings are still there when you sober up, and alcohol is known to be a depressant.

OMG anyone reading this would think I've got it sussed, but I haven't. I'm every bit as bad as you at the social thing. I have no friends that I can contact. I don't want a relationship with anyone. I live like a recluse but I am never bored and never mind my own company.

Best wishes to you and big (((HUGS))). x

Rosie x

Wellyboots6

I agree with Puppypants.

Alcohol works as a long-term depressant, which is why if your GP knew you were drinking regularly they would/should not prescribe you anti-depressants.

They will not work whilst you are drinking more than a couple of units a day, a few times a week, as the alcohol will counter-act their effect.

You would also struggle to get any counselling if you are drinking over recommended limits, as counselling will require you to be 'yourself' rather than a chemically altered version. There is also the risk that if you are drinking anyway, anything counselling brings up may trigger you to drink even more.

Sorry it isn't an answer for how to make you fell better, but hopefully it is a way of stopping you feeling worse.

Maybe that is something to focus on at the moment. If you can't 'make' yourself be happy, then just try doing things or changing things to stop you feeling any worse than you need to.

Look at each situation and think 'do I feel better/worse if I do X or Y?'
If you are sitting in your room during the day, do you feel worse if you have the curtains closed? If so, then open them. Do you feel icky if you don't have a shower first thing in the morning? If so, make having a shower the first thing you do.

Those steps maybe won't make you happy, but they may help stop you feeling so low.

Once you stop feeling so bad, you can then focus more on achieving the happy

Starrystarrynight

When I was feeling really low, I found it a great help to write down all the positive things that happened each day. Some days there was nothing much to write, but even the smallest gesture, a kind word, a smile or a compliment, meant a lot. It helped me to focus less on the bad things.

I hope that you can start to feel better soon, OP.

lovewealthhappiness

Thank you so much everyone for taking the time to reply, I really appreciate it, and thank you for all the suggestions.

I think I need to start by figuring out what I like and what I want, for a long time I have, as someone mentioned, been doing things because other people wanted to and I'm now not sure what I DO like or want.

I tried to keep a positivity journal for a while when everything first happened to write down all the good things about my day even if it was just what I had for tea but I stopped doing it. I'll try and start that again and hope that positivity breeds positivity and it might open up new avenues of exploration for me by pointing out the things I've decided are positive! My first entry will be you lot for being so understanding and helpful. I will also start trying to "feel the fear and do it anyway", as they say, with regards to social activities, I always manage to talk myself out of things and need to try and stop that.

I know I have perhaps expected too much from my friends, and also them of me at times, which has contributed to the way things are now but I think this is something I have learned from and can draw on for the future.

Thanks again everyone for all your advice, just reading your replies has lifted my spirits knowing there are people kind enough to take the time to help a complete stranger, and I hope there are others reading this who have been helped through your kindness too.

Off to have something nice for tea and maybe a bath afterwards.

LWH

esmf73

3WayFreedom wrote: »

Being in a bit of a hole for a couple of years and finally coming out the other side may I suggest two things to you.

-Take grains and sugar out of your diet for a few weeks (take a multi-B vitamin.) The gluten in grains can make people clinically depressed and feel like they are in a permanent fog. You can still eat meat, seeds, nuts, fat, diary, veg and fruit...even potatos. I poo pooed it until I tried it. It helped bring me out of post natal depression. x

Wow, this is so true, happens to me every time I forget and have toast for breakfast.

OP, would suggest doing voluntary work, getting involved with something, scouting, local community centre, a church. Just something to get you "belonging" to a group. I feel very isolated due to my sons behaviour, but since September, I have got involved with Beaver scouts, the PTA of my youngests school and am trying to set up a craft business! We will see what happens!

FizzledOut

getmore4less wrote: »

There was a thread here where someone pointed at website where people organize local events(pub, bowling, meals etc) or go to an organized event as a group,(theatre, comedy, concerts etc)

I had a look at it and from what I could see in our local area it seemed to be working. some were very active others just going to a few things. Very broad range of ages and activities.

Looked very handy for people that are new to an area or for some other reason need to extend their social network.
(can't remember the name of the site but will have a search)
.

I believe you are referring to Meetup.com. Highly recommended, but then I'm in London and there are hundreds of great groups to pick and chose from. One has, seriously, changed my life. It's not dating, it's social, meals out, cinema, pub quizzes, etc.

I can relate 100% to where OP is emotionally right now - husband of 24 years was shown the door in February after I found him messing around with another woman. He flatly refuses to discuss reconciliation and I'm trying to get my head around the fact that my "forever" relationship is gone - forever. There are days when ... I mean, I don't have Samaritans on speed dial, but I do have it written down close to hand. I knew I'd melt down without anti-depressants, with Christmas coming up I've got an appointment to see if I can actually up the dosage. My first Christmas on my own (our kid has legged it to the Far East). I'm feeling fragile. Our "joint" friends haven't been in touch since July - seriously. I present a strong and healthy front to my concerned sisters, but alone at night it's so difficult not to bawl. I'm fed up of being sad. So I'll be watching this thread with interest.

fran-o

Not much to say just - be kind to yourself x

lovewealthhappiness

Oh FizzledOut, that sounds horrible but well done for getting this far and using meetup, everyday is an achievement the way I see it!

I'm pleased that you have found something through meetup, I've heard about it a lot and how good it is but I am in a small town with an older population and the only one we have is for aspiring writers (which I'm not)!

I know what you mean about putting up a front for concerned sisters, it's not sisters for me but my mother, it's almost worse letting family know how bad things are than friends.

I can't help much as I don't know what I'm doing myself at the moment, but hopefully some of the suggestions given here can help both of us.