Ways to make yourself happy when you're not?

lovewealthhappiness

Does anyone have any tips as to how you can make yourself happy when you're not?

A bit of background about me is that my "forever" relationship ended almost 8 months ago because he didn't have time for me anymore (his words), I had to move out of our home and back with family, I became severely depressed for some time and was not much fun to be around which has meant that most of my so called "close" friends don't really want to know me any more, and also as they're all coupled up I'm not really welcome as the only single. In the time since then I have had times when all I could do was cry, an old eating disorder has reappeared and I have felt suicidal at times. I am feeling much better now in comparison to then, but I'm still really struggling. All that life seems to be is making it from one day to the next, I spend all day waiting until I can go to bed and sleep. I have tried to do new things outside of work and a couple of them have been fun, but all they are achieving is getting me out of the house for a few hours, the people side if things is really not improving, and it doesn't encourage me to try more as I already struggle finding the motivation to put myself in these social situations as they cause me real anxiety, so when what i have tried has been so unsuccessful I have to assume that the common denominator is me.

So, I am struggling to make new friends, have very little confidence that I'll start a new relationship anytime soon (seeing as how my boyfriends AND my friends couldn't bear to be around me and I suck at meeting people) and as such have decided that I need to focus on being happy TOTALLY alone. I know I sound like a moaning minnie, but I've tried pretending things are ok and I just end up having a melt down at some point because I'm trying to pretend.

I am exercising everyday as I know that this helps to release natural antidepressants as it were, and I don't really want to take real antidepressants as I was on them many years ago and feel that all they really did was mask the symptoms and I don't really want to spend money on therapy. I am eating healthily most of the time, I try to follow 80/20 rule, but I do drink quite a bit which I know I need to cut down on. I really try to think positively but I am failing.

Does anyone have any tips on how to help me? I am basically desperate. I know that comparatively I have nothing to be depressed about, I have a roof over my head and food on the table which is much more than many others have, but I still feel that life is just waiting to die.

Thanks for reading, I'm sorry for going on a bit and would love any advice people can offer.

Thanks.
LWH

thorsoak

You need a {hug} for a start - and you need a best friend - and at the moment, you will be your own best friend! Be kind to yourself - say the nice things that you would say to a friend TO YOU! Give yourself treats - take yourself out for a nice meal - take a book with you, so that you might look to others as if you do this all the time. Go somewhere that you've not been to before - look around it all, take in your surroundings as if you are going to tell someone else all about them - and then relive them in your mind when you get home.

Treat yourself to a spa day, with a massage - or maybe just a manicure and pedicure. You can do whatever you want to just treat yourself.

This is what I've been doing since I lost my OH. You might not be going along the road that you expected to travel - but enjoy the scenary along the road that you are on.

{{more hugs}}

meritaten

awww ((((hugs))))!
Its difficult when life takes a turn you didnt want and werent really expecting.
you say you have tried 'pretending'. I assume you mean the 'fake it til you make it' technique? Thats ok for 'short term fixes' like shyness on walking into a room ful of people. For day to day life - it isnt gonna work all the time. how do you pretend to just 'yourself' all day every day?

Why not just erase the day before? every day starts with a 'clean slate'...........then develop being 'in the moment'. You have breakfast, its not just a meal to be eaten, look at it, the toast is a lovely colour, the butter glistens beautifully as it melts into the bread, the smell makes your mouth water........you put jam on and the colour is intense - so rich.............apart from making you hungry (and me now) do you 'get' what I mean about living in the moment and looking for beauty? doing this can 'lift' your spirits. and you can do this at any time during the day. you can consciously raise your spirit by looking for beauty.
no-one can feel happy 24/7 hun. you are allowed to feel down some of the time! I think the main thing is to be 'KIND' to yourself! pamper yourself and let yourself have a pity party occasionally - but, only you are in charge of how YOU feel - therefore it is up to you to cheer yourself up. I hope you will get some tips on here you can implement.
Let us know how you are doing - cos if you feel like a moan we are here!

Mrs.W_2

{{{LWH}}} I could not go to bed without at least offering an online hug.

I also want to add that antidepressants these days are much more evolved. I'm on Escitalopram. It allows me to experience a breadth and depth of emotions while still keeping me on an even keel.

Elsewhere

Are you able to do voluntary work? I always think that if you can give other people happiness, it makes you feel happy - and valued, too.

I remember my daughter singing "Magic Penny" at a concert when she was at primary school; I'd never heard it before and I thought it had such a true message.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IclFQj4l3F0

Millie2008_2

More hugs from me

Could you re-think your statement that you don't want to spend money on therapy? It is by far and away the best thing I ever did (I could have written much of your post prior to having therapy). Or do you think you could go to your GP and see what he/she can offer, which may or may not include medication- medication alone never worked for me.

I sense that this is not something that you can tackle alone, so please reach out for some help

bugslet

It sounds like you are actually being positive a lot of the time - as one of the other posters said, you can't be positive all the time.

I see you are exercising, which is great, but if you aren't already, try doing something with other people. I remember watching a programme about happiness that said one of the best things to do is go to a dance class - you meet people, often make a bit of a prat of yourself ( along with others), laugh about it, get moving and don't have the time to dwell on things. Doesn't matter if it's Scottish country dancing or hiphop, whatever engages you. I took up bellydancing and 10 years later, have made friends, been away for weekends and have some nice sparkly things in my wardrobe!

As for him saying he didn't have time for you, jeez, why can't people be nice about these things. Sad fact is that break ups happen, but why the numpty couldn't have said something else, is a mystery.

Lastly, when things have been a bit rough, I've always told myself that life is cyclical, for every down, there is an up - helps a bit.

valk_scot

It's a rotten time of year too, all dark and gllomy and damp. That won't help.

But it does sound as if you're doing the right things, making the effort to keep moving and not just curl up into a little ball. I've read back through and can't see any mention of family being supportive, apart from you moving back in with them. Are they not providing moral support?

Sugestions? Herbal supplements like St John's Wort, voluntary work, especially over the holiday period when the whole world seems to be off enjoying themselves, learning a new hobby that you can do on your own (Knitting? Crochet? I'm a fanatical knitter and find it very soothing when stressed.) Also give your friends another chance, it's not easy to change the way you're used to seeing them but it is possible. Single one or two out and suggest coffee, a cinema trip, something you know they'll enjoy but their partner isn't interested in. Even couples do things seperately, you know.

If you're having suicidal thoughts you must talk to someone, preferably your GP. No-one can force you on ADs but there may be other suggestions they can come up with, there's still some councilling availible on the NHS if you're lucky and your GP will like to keep an eye on you generally.

Finally, happy is something that just happens some of the time, it's not required that you feel happy all the time, despite what the adverts say. It's worth aiming for a state of tranquil though, mostly contented, with happy periods. No-one is happy ALL the time, very often folk are stressed, struggling, unhappy over money and personal relationships or illnesses. You're not the only one, despite the way it may seem at the moment. Focus as much as possible on what's good in your life...your health, family, work? The rest will reset in time.

go_cat

Put on some daft jolly music, close the curtains and dance around your house this releases happy endorphins

daska

(((HUGS))) from me as well, I know that feeling, but I would suggest that you re-evaluate your feelings about the anti-depressants. Talk with your GP, ask for counselling, and please consider using them as a tool to let you get back out there and develop new friendships without the barrier of depression getting in the way. The thing you need most is company and stimulation to get away from that big black cloud but it's very difficult to make friendships with someone who is depressed so it becomes a vicious circle. Use them as a tool to open those doors. Maybe try some of the non-prescription ones, the pharmacist will talk you through what's available off the shelf and they may be just enough.

HeadAboveWater

*hug* from me too!!

A lot of good advice has been given already in this thread so read the posts over a few times.

Personally I would also recommend a counsellor. I had to see one last year when I went off with WRS. My life has gone complete circle and things couldn't be any different now to what they were, but I'm thinking of going back again now for ME. I know there's a lot of stuff I need help with in my own head. I'm a work in progress and it's one day at a time.

I also read a book recently, which I mentioned in my diary. The book is called The Art of Being Brilliant. It sounds corny but it is a great book!!! I always thought I was a 'glass half full' person, but realised life was getting on top of me and I was stressing, and I had become a 'glass half empty' person I needed to change my way of thinking and this book got me on the right track (try your local library)

Gonna come back and see how you're doing. Feel free to PM me if you want someone to talk to.

*hug*