Am I right to be angry?

Melaniep101

I'd be angry. It wouldn't have hurt her to buy you a lunch/dinner to say thanks. If I was in her situation, I'd be grateful that someone thought enough of me to invite me along to a holiday they'd won (regardless of whether it had cost them anything).

And it's a bit of a cheek considering that you did all the organisation/ordering food etc. I personally hate going on holiday with someone that won't order food etc (my husband is like this - drives me insane that I have to do everything!).

Not sure what I'd do about it now, I probably would have said something at the time.

Tropez

katie_saver wrote: »

Fair enough about the salary comment Tropez. I was just pointing out that I wasn't trying to squeeze my friend for money and that she was really skint.
My point with this post is that it is rude not to show your appreciation to someone. I was brought up writing thank you notes and being thankful if people did things for me. Feel let down that she didn't that's all.

I can see where you're coming from although to me, as I said previously, it would be about treating my friend to the experience because I wanted to.

Did she say thank you for taking her on this trip?

Perhaps, in her mind, she's thinking that she might get you something extra special for Xmas, or she's thinking of a way to return the favour as a surprise at a later date.

You could also look at it that Business Premier tickets on the Eurostar run a couple of hundred quid most of the time. Is a couple of Euros on a coffee a suitable gesture? Possibly she may have felt embarrassed that this was all she could supply in return. Maybe she wants to do something a little more special later on?

From my own experience, I got what we like to term as a "corporate bonus" at work which was tickets and accomodation in Las Vegas. This was a few years ago. I had a friend who had always wanted to go to Vegas so I thought he would be ideal to go with because he would love it more than anyone else I knew, so I took him. The accomodation was a one bedroom suite at the Bellagio, which wasn't suitable as I don't really want to share a bed with him, so I had to cough up a bit of cash to get him his own room and the Bellagio is very expensive.

As far as I was concerned, he only needed to bring money for any gambling or attractions he wanted to attend, although I did sort out one of those night flights over the strip at my own expense.

He bought me one beer the entire trip and that was at the airport on the way out. I wasn't bothered. The fact that he enjoyed it was reward enough for me.

Several months later, out of the blue, he phones up to tell me that he had tickets to a Champions League match and asked if I would like to go with him as his treat. That was his way of repaying me. He didn't need to do that but it was a nice surprise, even if I did have to pretend to be a Man United fan for a few hours.

katie_saver

Thanks for all your replies - maybe 'angry' was too strong a word..
I'm more hurt and dissapointed than anything else. And like tyllwd siad - she has never been very generous. I remeber her having a habit of 'borrowing' a can of tomatoes - finest range and replacing it with a can of basic tomatoes on several occasions! And I had to mention it to her as she probably hoped I'd forget...Not a big deal I know but it's the principle!

balletshoes

katie_saver wrote: »

I won a pair of first class tickets to Paris via Eurostar. Iasked my ex-housemate if she would like to come with me to Paris. I arrangedall the booking and booked us accommodation (which she paid me back for). I haveto Paris lots of times with work so I know it pretty well. I showed her around,did all of the ordering (I speak French and she doesn’t), asked her what shewould prefer to do etc.

She didn’t buy me a coffee or a drink or anything in factthe whole weekend. She also had the cheek to tell me I owed her €1.50 from hersettling the bill after our breakfast.

Am I right to be p’d off?:mad:

from the information in this post - I don't really understand why you're pee'd off - I'll go have a look at the rest of the posts now.

balletshoes

katie_saver wrote: »

I did actually say it's your round once, but she asked me to go to the bar because she couldn't speak French so I ended up paying too...:(

but you could have said "okay, sure, give me some money and I'll do that".

katie_saver

balletshoes wrote: »

but you could have said "okay, sure, give me some money and I'll do that".

I didn't want to be as tight as her!

Mojisola

katie_saver wrote: »

she has never been very generous. I remeber her having a habit of 'borrowing' a can of tomatoes - finest range and replacing it with a can of basic tomatoes on several occasions! And I had to mention it to her as she probably hoped I'd forget...Not a big deal I know but it's the principle!

With a history like that, I don't think I'd have expected her to show any gratitude but I doubt I would have asked her in the first place.

balletshoes

katie_saver wrote: »

Yes I think I have to see it that way. Lesson learned.
I would have offered to at least buy a drink or coffee as a thank you gesture. It's not the money, it's the time and effort I oput into researching a nice cheap place to stay. Planning our day so that we could see as much of Paris as possible as it was her first time there...
And by the way, she is on about 10k more than me! So not exactly hard up...

but presumably you did that because you wanted to? If you took on the organising etc, and she said thanks for thinking of her/taking her, then isn't that thanks enough? It would be for me.

balletshoes

katie_saver wrote: »

Fair enough about the salary comment Tropez. I was just pointing out that I wasn't trying to squeeze my friend for money and that she was really skint.
My point with this post is that it is rude not to show your appreciation to someone.
I was brought up writing thank you notes and being thankful if people did things for me. Feel let down that she didn't that's all.

but it doesn't mean your friend isn't thankful because she didn't buy you a coffee or give you a thank-you card. It doesn't make her a bad person or an ungrateful one.

If she said thanks, then you've been thanked.

I don't send thank you notes, and my daughter hasn't been brought up that way either - but she's not ungrateful, and neither am I. A simple thanks, said to the person who's been kind to you, is enough, in my book. No need to memorialise it with a note or anything necessarily in return etc.

balletshoes

katie_saver wrote: »

I didn't want to be as tight as her!

but thats not you being tight - she asked you to go to the bar for her on her round.