OH splashing the cash on his family

Joons

Don't blame you, I would not be happy about this situation, he's not thinking of you or his child, he's thinking of impressing, that is it. The fact they are taking and not giving also shows them in a bad light. You seriously need to communicate to him how much this is bothering you and is just not on, there is no need, if he wants to splash the cash then splash it on his immediate family, ie you and the child, not them who are perfectly capable of providing for themselves.

Sambucus_Nigra

Make-it-3 wrote: »

How things get twisted. I now feel I need to log back on to defend my OH! Newcook, if you read previous postings I said he bought my daughter a party dress for her birthday last year. He doesn't get me anything because he knows I'd rather the money went to a practical use.

We aren't on the breadline, because I look after the finances and try to be as MSE as possible. But we can't just spend £500 without it being budgeted for.

But you can - and you do. Well, he does. Without even asking his wife.

Either you have an issue with this or not. I suspect you have as you posted about it.

Mojisola

Make-it-3 wrote: »

Its partly a cultural thing, partly him wanting to show off in an "aren't I doing well way" (reality is somewhat different!), but I think his priorities are twisted.

He needs a reality check - pretending to be someone you're not and that you earn more than you do will always end in tears.

MentalMinnie

tiff wrote: »

What "culture" are we talking about?

This^^^^ is the important question. My best friend is suffering the same problem. Her husband is Turkish, the family in Turkey are more than comfortable but he regularly sends huge amounts of money home, as i gather this is the done thing. On his last trip home, he took my friends CC with him, and maxed it out (£1000) in 2 days (she didn't use it much and didn't realise it had gone til he'd maxed it) He also didn't pay the council tax, which resulted in a court summons. His reasoning? He didn't see why he should pay it, and he prefered to send the money home instead.

SuzieSue

Make-it-3 wrote: »

I have never known any of this brothers & sisters buy any large gifts for parents, us, or anyone else in the family. I don't think we even got wedding gifts from any of them.

So how can you say it is cultural? It looks like it is your OH who has a problem not his culture.

newcook

MentalMinnie wrote: »

This^^^^ is the important question.

He’s Indian (hindu if I remember correctly from OP’s posts on other threads)

Bennifred

MentalMinnie wrote: »

This^^^^ is the important question. My best friend is suffering the same problem. Her husband is Turkish, the family in Turkey are more than comfortable but he regularly sends huge amounts of money home, as i gather this is the done thing. On his last trip home, he took my friends CC with him, and maxed it out (£1000) in 2 days (she didn't use it much and didn't realise it had gone til he'd maxed it) He also didn't pay the council tax, which resulted in a court summons. His reasoning? He didn't see why he should pay it, and he prefered to send the money home instead.

:mad: Did he come back to divorce papers? Or did she report the theft to the police?

MentalMinnie

Bennifred wrote: »

:mad: Did he come back to divorce papers? Or did she report the theft to the police?

No, god only knows why she is still putting up with it as well. Some of the things he's done would make your blood boil. When she got her CC statement there were several caash withdrawls!! When she questioned him about it, he said he'd used the cash to place football bets!!!!! Er, hello?! Turkey...Muslim?!? Betting?! What really pee'd me off is the fact that a few years back he had the audacity to have a go at me for having a pig on a spit at my engagement party, and banning my best friend from coming because of it!! :mad::mad:

balletshoes

MentalMinnie wrote: »

This^^^^ is the important question. My best friend is suffering the same problem. Her husband is Turkish, the family in Turkey are more than comfortable but he regularly sends huge amounts of money home, as i gather this is the done thing. On his last trip home, he took my friends CC with him, and maxed it out (£1000) in 2 days (she didn't use it much and didn't realise it had gone til he'd maxed it) He also didn't pay the council tax, which resulted in a court summons. His reasoning? He didn't see why he should pay it, and he prefered to send the money home instead.

It may be the done thing for some Turkish men who live abroad to send money home to family, but it doesn't follow that its the done thing for a Turkish man to max out his wife's credit card and not pay the bills for the house he lives in, just because he doesn't want to.

He needs his a**e kicked, in my opinion. But I have to ask, what was your friend doing giving him her credit card, and how does he know her pin number?

MentalMinnie

balletshoes wrote: »

It may be the done thing for some Turkish men who live abroad to send money home to family, but it doesn't follow that its the done thing for a Turkish man to max out his wife's credit card and not pay the bills for the house he lives in, just because he doesn't want to.

He needs his a**e kicked, in my opinion. But I have to ask, what was your friend doing giving him her credit card, and how does he know her pin number?

She didn't give him the card, I think he took it from her bedroom draw. I've no idea about her PIN though. Perhaps she has the smae PIN for all cards?

She wants to leave him, but she doesn't like hurting people and therefore cant leave him.