OH splashing the cash on his family

SuzieSue

embob74 wrote: »

I have been over-generous to my mum which I think goes back to me wanting to please her

But the OP's husband is not just being generous to his mother, he is being over generous to the rest of his extended family just to show that he is rich and successful. That is not the same thing as being generous to someone because you love and care about them and appreciate all they have done for you.

newcook

Person_one wrote: »

They're married, everything's joint.

only if they get divorced is it classed as joint

a couple I know have a main 'joint' pot that they both contribute to but then they both have their own seperate accounts so if they want to buy the other a present or a suprise they can do without the other asking where x amount has gone (or knowing how much the suprise cost). they have been married for over 10 years and its worked pretty well for them so far!

Gra76

If it's a joint account and he's spending large sums of money from it without consulting the OP then I'd say there's a pretty big problem with communication. At the very least he should be asking if it's ok before doing it.

tiff

What "culture" are we talking about?

margaretclare

newcook wrote: »

only if they get divorced is it classed as joint

a couple I know have a main 'joint' pot that they both contribute to but then they both have their own seperate accounts so if they want to buy the other a present or a suprise they can do without the other asking where x amount has gone (or knowing how much the suprise cost). they have been married for over 10 years and its worked pretty well for them so far!

Yes, that's what we do (older couple with separate pensions/annuities, married almost 11 years, together 15 years). We have a joint account we both tip into for household bills, food, petrol, insurances etc. However, for 'big ' purchases we'd discuss beforehand, and certainly, in a similar scenario to the OP, it just wouldn't happen. Our arrangement works very well. I don't get this 'cultural' thing.

Tropez

He probably just feels close to his family.

In the past few years, I've bought my mother two televisions (one for the living room, one for her bedroom), a Freeview PVR, a freezer after her old one packed in and a few other bits and bobs here and there. It probably adds up to quite the sum, but from my point of view, she did look after me for 22 years without asking for a penny in return so if I can help her out now, why not?

SuzieSue

Tropez wrote: »

He probably just feels close to his family.

In the past few years, I've bought my mother two televisions (one for the living room, one for her bedroom), a Freeview PVR, a freezer after her old one packed in and a few other bits and bobs here and there. It probably adds up to quite the sum, but from my point of view, she did look after me for 22 years without asking for a penny in return so if I can help her out now, why not?

But, what you have done is totally different from the OP's husband. You have been buying your mother essentials when she needed them, not flaunting your money on your extended family who give nothing in return.

Tropez

SuzieSue wrote: »

But, what you have done is totally different from the OP's husband. You have been buying your mother essentials when she needed them, not flaunting your money on your extended family who give nothing in return.

Possibly but the unspecified kitchen appliance he gifted to his family could be something that is essential. A freezer, for example, is quite the necessity for most people. If, however, we're talking of some luxury breadmaker or coffee-maker then I'd be inclined to agree that it was rather frivolous.

Contributing a little money towards keep doesn't seem like a big deal. If we're talking about hundreds of pounds for a night or two, yes, that's frivolous but if I was to stay with my mother for a period of time I'd pony up a bit of cash to pay my way. I visit my mum regularly and I regularly pick milk, bread, magazines or whatever else up for her. She could pay for this herself but I don't want her money for such items.

And taking his family out for meals - once again, it really depends what we're talking about here. A pub lunch I don't see an issue with, a several hundred pound meal in an exclusive restaurant where your plate consists of about four items on the other hand...

The £1,000 for Xmas presents does seem extravagant but how big of an extended family are we talking about? If I actually liked my extended family enough to buy them presents I could probably top a grand easily enough - hell, I spent £2,500 on my partner alone last year - but if we're only talking a few people then yes, it is OTT.

Make-it-3

So many questions.

Yes its a joint account - we don't have any savings so its just the current a/c and overdraft. He will spend now and tell me later if its something he knows I won't be happy with.

I never had a new bike as a kid, that would have been well out of reach of my parents pockets. We were a live within our means family, I guess I still have that attitude. I'd rather we use money to pay our bills than OH buy me a birthday present for example.

My OH is Indian, so family bonds are somewhat different to mine.

Bennifred

Would it be possible for you to sit down together, maybe at the start of the year and do a sort of "overview" of your incomings and outgoings for the year ahead? Maybe that way you could "fix" an amount to be spent on (his) extended family in total for the year. That sum could be put into a separate account (monthly if necessary) so that when it's gone, it's gone. It would also make it more apparent to your OH just how much he is spending, rather than him just paying out willy nilly. Even if the total is more than you personaaly would want to give away, it might puts the brakes on your OH a bit!